[Copypasta] Hold Ctrl and type wash ur hands

twitchquotes: Hey guys, [streamer] has partnered with Twitch to help spread awareness about COVID-19. Hold Ctrl and type wash ur hands to earn 100 bits!
twitch chat
November 2020
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Stonks only go up. But you don't.

You watch her as she brushes her hair. She’s humming a song you can’t quite hear and smiling to herself. Not for the first time, you wonder why this person chose you. She turns. β€œWhat do you want for Christmas?” You want to scream Save your money!, but you only shrug. β€œNothing, really.” β€œNothing?” She crawls into bed and touches your leg. β€œAre you sure?” Again, you wonder why this person chose you. As she takes the weight of you in her hand, your mind wanders. To your puts. They’ll expire worthless, like you. After several minutes of failing to conjure your manhood, she asks, β€œWhat’s wrong?” Stonks only go up. But you don’t.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Never lucky veganism

twitchquotes: In a new study scientists aimed to find the origin of luck by studying an internet celebrity known as Kripparian, famous for playing a children's card game for thousands to watch, after inumerous claims of being "never lucky" while playing said game. The scientists eventually isolated a single variable known only to this particular individual: veganism. While it might yet be soon to draw any conclusions, scientists seem to agree that a meat-rich diet is indeed the cure for "never lucky".
twitch chat
April 2018
Kripp

When drums play, my hands automatically type Kreygasm

twitchquotes: γƒ½ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½οΎ‰ when drums play, my hands automatically type Kreygasm , i live for the moment and when Kripp comes i feel i have sex with the stream, all becoming well met. γƒ½ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½οΎ‰
twitch chat
August 2014
Kripp

Jumping Mario

β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–„β–„β–’β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€β–€β–“β–“β–“β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€β–“β–“β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–„β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–„β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–„β–“β–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–€β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–“β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€β–“β–“β–“β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–“β–“β–„β–€β–€β–€β–„β–ˆβ–„β–“β–“β–€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–€β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–„β–„β–€β–ˆβ–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–„β–€β–€β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–“β–“β–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–€β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–€β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’
ascii art
November 2014

Ben Shapiro goes to the movie theatre

let's say, hypothetically, that i went to the movie theater, and the movie i was watching happened to be three hours long. for the sake of the argument, i am about halfway through watching the movie, and i have to go to the bathroom. based on what's happening on screen, i can determine that an important scene is coming up, and that i need to see it if i want to understand the plot. what's stopping me from pissing in the drink cup they gave me for my dr. pepper? if i can do it quietly enough, no one is going to be able to notice what i'm doing, and, in my honest opinion, pissing in the drink cup is a much better alternative to using the bathroom, since i would've missed an important plot point had i chosen to do so. lastly, no one would have to clean it up afterwards, since it's all contained within the drink cup, which is meant to be disposed of after the movie anyways, and, as a result, will not affect the theater staff in any way whatsoever.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

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