[Copypasta] So that was a bruh moment

twitchquotes: She said she was “pregnant,” but I wasn’t buying that. I knew she had gas, and a lot of it. I knew that, if properly coaxed out, she had to potential for the greatest fart *EVER*. So one night I walked into her room and slowly approached her belly, and with my entire weight, I performed the greatest pile driver I have ever done. But instead of the thunderous sound expected, I heard a squish sound. Turns out she was pregnant. So that was a bruh moment.
twitch chat
November 2020
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I've never even watched The Simpsons

I am beyond fucking angry right now. As I type this message I can physically feel my muscles tensing and my blood pressure rising. Why the fuck would you call me a "simp"? I've never even fucking watched The Simpsons. Not one fucking episode. I hope you retract that statement, because i'd never refer to you as a dick for not watching Dick and Dom in da Bungalow.
December 2020

No, you are not a “Man of Culture”

No, you are not a “Man of Culture”. You are a 19 year old who has no romantic partner because you have a chronic addiction to anime porn where the characters dont look or sound any older than 13, seriously, the stuff you are watching should be illegal. Getting off to fictional drawings of ambiguous age THREE times a day is not even remotely cultured, it just makes you a sex-addicted pedophile. What’s gotten into you? You’re better than this.
August 2021

Apology letter from the condom factory

twitchquotes: What in the actual rainbows is wrong with your brain? Did you IQ test return with negative results or something? I’m getting closer and closer to believing that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. Jesus Christ. Love the content keep it up.
twitch chat
December 2020

I want to sleep with you. No, i dont mean have sex

twitchquotes: I want to sleep with you. No, i dont mean have sex. I mean sleep. Together. Under a blanket. In your bed. While your laying on my arm with my other hand on your tummy. With the window cracked, so its chilly and we have to cuddle closer. No talking, just the muffled cries.
twitch chat
February 2019

Not your naked body

All this mass market pasta is frankly embarrassing

twitchquotes: All this mass market pasta is frankly embarrassing. Sure its easy to go grab a box of ready to cook ocean man emoji or witch mercy, but easy doesn't make it good. It honestly isn't that hard to make your own damn pasta at home, and with whatever quality ingredients you want. Want some ME SPAM? Just put it in there! Can anyone truly say they've participated in chat if they've never made their own pasta? I say no
twitch chat
November 2016
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