[Copypasta] In Japan, heart surgeon

Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Yakuza boss die! Yakuza very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret. I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
April 2021

Classic

From the office: https://theoffice.fandom.com/wiki/Hidetoshi_Hasagawa
I used to be a real ad
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Uninstalling valorant

UNINSTALLING VALORANT โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–‡โ–ข ใ€€ใ€€โ•ญโ”โ•ฎโ•ญโ”โ•ฎโ•ญโ•ฎใ€€โ•ฑ ใ€€ใ€€ ใ€€ใ€€โ•ฐโ”โ”ซโ•ฐโ”โ”ซโ•ฐโ•ฏโ•ฑโ•ญโ•ฎ ใ€€ใ€€ ใ€€ใ€€โ•ฐโ”โ•ฏโ•ฐโ”โ•ฏใ€€โ•ฑใ€€โ•ฐโ•ฏ ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ COMPLETE
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June 2021

Valorant

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Somewhere in a parallel universe, Europe didn't need to be saved by America

twitchquotes: โ˜…ใ€€ใ€€โ˜… ยฐ โ˜พ โ˜† ยธ. ยธ ใ€€โ˜…ใ€€ :.ใ€€ . โ€ข โ—‹ ยฐ โ˜…ใ€€ .ใ€€ *ใ€€.ใ€€.ใ€€ใ€€ยธ .ใ€€ใ€€ ยฐ ใ€€ยธ. * โ— ยธ .ใ€€...somewhereใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ยฐ โ˜พ ยฐ ใ€€ยธ. โ— ยธ .ใ€€ใ€€โ˜…ใ€€ยฐ :.ใ€€ . โ€ข ยฐ ใ€€ .ใ€€ *ใ€€:.ใ€€.in a parallel universe* โ— ยธ ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ยฐ โ˜พ ยฐโ˜† ใ€€. * ยธ.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ˜…ใ€€โ˜… ยฐ . .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€.ใ€€โ˜พ ยฐโ˜† ใ€€. * โ— ยธ ..EUROPE...ยฐ โ˜พใ€€โ˜… ยฐโ— ยธ .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ˜…ใ€€ยฐ :.ใ€€ . โ€ข โ—‹ ยฐ โ˜…ใ€€ .ใ€€ * DIDN'T NEED TO BE SAVED BY AMERICA โ˜พใ€€โ˜… ยฐโ— ยธ .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ˜…ใ€€ยฐ
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December 2014

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EU vs NA

REKT Not REKT

โ˜ Not REKT โ˜‘ REKT โ˜‘ REKTangle โ˜‘ SHREKT โ˜‘ REKT-it Ralph โ˜‘ Total REKTall โ˜‘ The Lord of the REKT โ˜‘ The Usual SusREKTs โ˜‘ North by NorthREKT โ˜‘ REKT to the Future โ˜‘ Once Upon a Time in the REKT โ˜‘ The Good, the Bad, and the REKT โ˜‘ LawREKT of Arabia โ˜‘ Tyrannosaurus REKT โ˜‘ eREKTile dysfunction
May 2014

Classic

Shrek

we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce

gf is prego we like to get kinky anyways one night things get particularly saucy i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering ohshitohshitohshitohshit i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital she's still bleeding everywhere by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything he takes one look at ther and says "sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" "WHY THE FUCK NOT???" "we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
February 2021

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Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth

twitchquotes: High in orbit, the Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth. They prepare to enslave the world and mine it for all its salt, but the scanners detect an abnormally high concentration inside a tiny shack in Greece. The invasion won't be necessary. "Lock onto him with the RNG disruptor," says the captain, greedily. "Soon we shall have all the salt we need."
twitch chat
February 2015
Kripp

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salty

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