[Copypasta] Ahsoka Tano

twitchquotes: Luke, did I ever tell you about Ahsoka Tano? She was your father’s exotic teenage alien apprentice, a fine piece of jailbait from a more civilized age. She had the tightest body and the perkiest little breasts in the galaxy; barely legal in most systems. Anakin and I used to doubleteam her at the end of every successful campaign during the Clone Wars, and once in a while we’d even have the entire 501st run a train over her, part of official Jedi “training” of course. In time, she learned how to handle a meatsaber better than anyone in the Jedi Temple. She wore a miniskirt every day so we told her there were no panties in space, and since she was constantly doing acrobatics you’d get a glimpse of her orange pussy mid fight as she’d do a flip while slicing a B2 Super Battledroid in half. It was surreal. We taught her to grip her weapon backwards like a dildo and she constantly got captured by pirates and slavers almost every other day. It was ridiculous, like a constant porno Luke, you have no idea. And she was a good friend.
twitch chat
November 2020
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More Copypastas

Slim down and shout less T1

twitchquotes: Hey T1, I was wondering if you could please take a month off of going to the gym to slim down a bit? Your huge masculine, muscular frame intimidates me and distracts me from the gameplay that I'm here to savor. Also please try to shout less I have sensitive ears. Thank you :)
twitch chat
December 2019
Tyler1

Hey Aura, thanks for telling me about Energizer batteries

twitchquotes: Hey Aura, thanks for telling me about Energizer batteries. Before Energizer I would be listening to my walkman and the battery would die and then I could hear my wife in the other room having sex with you. That would lead me to tears. Now using Energizer the battery doesn't die as quickly and I can listen to your VODs that I ripped without your permission on repeat and not notice her taking it hard. I don't need to rehydrate as often since I won't be crying. Thank you
twitch chat
July 2020
Aurateur

Colossal amount of educational content

twitchquotes: What is this painful experience you’re inflicting upon us, Michael "Imaqtpie" Santana? I personally am not attending to this League of Legends stream to be witness to this truly horrendous game known as the «Dark Dungeons". I came for magnificent memes, incredibly pleasurable Skyrim questing, and exciting League of Legends games with a colossal amount of educational content.
twitch chat
April 2015
imaqtpie

League of Legends

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

BAN ONE FROG GET THE WHOLE POND

twitchquotes: BAN FeelsGoodMan ONE FeelsGoodMan FROG FeelsGoodMan GET FeelsGoodMan THE FeelsGoodMan WHOLE FeelsGoodMan POND
twitch chat
March 2018

Ban X Get The Whole Y

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