[Copypasta] If PLTR hits 35 today

If PLTR hits 35 today I will wipe with quarter ply toilet paper and accidentally discover myself
December 2020

WallStreetBets

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GME bank consultation

Short story-time for amusement reasons only: some days ago, I went to my bank (Austria). I am the owner of quite a number of GME shares and my broker app is actually just the bank-intern bond trading app, where I need to pay transactional feed everytime I buy (what is sell?) GME shares. I informed myself about the reasoning of those transactional fees beforehand and found out that by paying them, I have the right of consultation by my bank about the shares theyβ€˜re trading/Iβ€˜m buying. So, I went to the main national building of my bank, they were really friendly at the beginning, enthustiatically, I mentioned GME to them and that I wish for professional consultation about the financial details involved with that stock (I am not a financial guy, actually, I donβ€˜t exactly know whatβ€˜s going on, itβ€˜s all pretty crazy to me). Suddenly, their posture and mimick changed pretty suddenly. I was told, they are not allowed to consult about GME. To my question, why this was the case, they told me, because GME is β€žtoo irrelevant for the big stock marketβ€œ. They are β€žaware of the past short squeeze, but one should no longer focus on GMEβ€œ. They acted as if GME was some β€žchildish financial playgroundβ€œ that should be forgotten about. When I confronted them with the huge recent naked short attacks and if they could explain to me possible effects of them if they were not covered, they just repeated themselves how β€žGME is not relevant, please focus on stocks like Apple or Amazon to be safeβ€œ. I left the bank, buying more GME shares.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla

December 2021. Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla (Elon Musk invented a more efficient form of security). ARK ETFs are trading at minimum $1,000 a share and investors are signing 10-year pledges just for the privilege. I log on to my Tesla taxi app and order a car. A vintage Roadster pulls up with EDM playing at a tasteful volume. "Where to, King?" asks the anime girl on the console. "You know where", I reply. Palantir knows. We both laugh and the car takes off to Wendys.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Hello gentleman, I have suffered a loss of 69K

Hello gentleman, I regretfully wish to share with you all that I shant comment on this Internet forum henceforth. As of the time of my arrival in this past autumn, I have suffered a loss of 69K. By the blessing of Lady Luck, I am still experiencing a positive net balance of 420%, so I have come to the conclusion I must liquidate my insignificant phallus account. I shall use this fortune for procuring a vaginal enlargement and acquire tremendous breasts for my OnlyAristocracy parchment. Or I may be devilish and maintain an investment position in TournamentCease. I am short of hours of leisure in life, training dogs to consume peanut butter from the reaches of my posterior and can not bare the rapid change of value of my investment holdings of 40 point 7 grand. I am aware that you, my peers of this financial derivatives Internet forum are filled with ecstasy to become privy to this, so copulate with yourself, I desire you all to be ablaze in nonheteronormative ursine hell in tandem with Sadam.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Bullish market makes me hard

When the stocks πŸ“ŠπŸ“ go up πŸ“ˆπŸ’Έ, my dick goes too πŸ†β¬†οΈπŸ˜³. Bullish πŸ‚ market 🏬 makes me hard πŸ¦΄πŸ’¦. All the countries πŸ³οΈπŸ΄πŸ΄β€β˜ οΈπŸπŸš©πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆπŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡³ try to recover πŸ”„ from corona 🦠 so the money πŸ’°πŸ’΅πŸ’Έ flows 🌬 into my pocket πŸ’³. Soon πŸ”œ there will be a crash πŸ“‰πŸ˜­πŸ₯ΊπŸ˜– and the bears 🐻 will crawl 🚼 out of their holes πŸ•³. Then they cut off my greedy dick βœ‚οΈπŸ†πŸ©Έ if I don’t ❌ eat ’em out πŸ‘…πŸ˜Έ. I must turn into a bear πŸ‚βž‘οΈπŸ» and make 🀌🏼 more money πŸ’°πŸ’΅πŸ’Έ and eat some honey 🐻🍯. When I’m done βœ… I’ll throw a party πŸŽ‰πŸ·πŸΎ and eat your ass πŸ‘…πŸ‘.
October 2021

Emoji Pasta

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No name calling

I just had a conversation w a πŸ‚ that didnt resort to name calling... We just spoke our peace and wished ourselves good luck and now i dint know what to do with myself. I think im going to go back and call him a bitch.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

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