[Copypasta] I love Carl from Brawl Stars

Guys, Iโ€™m literally detecting seismic activity. I never wanted to rock with anyone more than I want to with Carl. That perfect, chiseled body. Those bountiful hills. The majestic mountains of a literal god. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I'll never rock with him, pass my sediment through him, and have him birth a set of perfect hot springs. I'd do fricking ANYTHING for the chance to get Carlโ€™s rocks off. A N Y T H I N G. And the fact that I can't is quite honestly too much to fricking bear. Why would Supercell create something so perfect? To fricking tantalize us? Fricking laugh in our faces?! Honestly guys, I just fricking can't anymore. Frick.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Grand Dragon Jebodiah Pasterino

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, this is the Grand Dragon of the KKK, Jebodiah Pasterino. I see you're wearing one of our signature white hoods. We at the KKK do not associate with casuals such as yourself. Please remove the hood or we will take legal action.
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January 2015
Kripp

Don't put grills in your bedroom

twitchquotes: don't put grills in your bedroom, you can die from carbon monoxide poisoning when they are still hot FailFish
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November 2014
imaqtpie

Molly

twitchquotes: เผผ ใค โ—•_โ—• เผฝใค MOLLYเผผ ใค โ—•_โ—• เผฝใค
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March 2014
Reynad

Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021

Oh god I want xqc so bad

twitchquotes: Oh god I want xqc so bad ๐Ÿ˜ฉ ๐Ÿ’ฆ he's so smart ๐Ÿค“ ๐Ÿ“š and cute ๐Ÿ˜˜ ๐Ÿ™ˆ I would take him to my apartment and kiss him ๐Ÿ‘„ ๐Ÿ˜˜ lick him ๐Ÿ‘… ๐Ÿ˜› and finger him ๐Ÿ‘‰ ๐Ÿ‘Œ I would fuck him ๐Ÿ† ๐Ÿ’ฆ then I'd get him pregnant ๐Ÿคฐ ๐Ÿ‘ถ and we'd raise our own little baby ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘ฆ ๐Ÿ‘ฆ and play fortnite with him ๐ŸŽฎ โŒจ๏ธ xd
twitch chat
April 2019
xQcOW

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