Today my 12 year old and I walked into Harvard to sign him up for college. The dean rudely asked why a 12 year old was signing up for a prestigious institute. My son proclaimed "Well you see sir, I watch Starcraft". The dean tried to apologize but the police rushed in and dragged him out. My son passed all his classes with 4.0s and graduated magnet koom louder on the first day of college.
I used to be a real ad
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Ahoy Kripp, ya landlubber
twitchquotes:
୧༼ °͠_▀̿ ༽? Ahoy Kripp, ya landlubber. We request a swashbuckling pirate deck, else ye be walkin the plank. ୧༼ °͠_▀̿ ༽?
twitch chat
Kripp
୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ riot ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨
Misogynist Pig Kripp
twitchquotes:
you have an "!imgay" response but don't have an "!imbi", "!imtrans*", "!imfurry", "!imreallyacat", or "!imfeminist" response? misogynist pig kripp
twitch chat
Kripp
Hello Forsen, I am a 32 year old Ecuadorian national
twitchquotes:
Hello Forsen I am a 32 year old Ecuadorian national who is stuck in the US after Reynad refused to pay my airfare home. I need you and your stream to please help me get home to my wife and kid it has been 1 year since my departure and I very much would like to see them again. 
twitch chat
Forsen
My NAAAME is Gyoubu Masataka ONIWA
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀(\__/)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀(•ㅅ•)⠀⠀My NAAAAAME is
＿ノ⠀ヽ⠀ノ⠀＼＿⠀⠀Gyoubu Masataka
/⠀️⠀Y⠀⌒Ｙ⌒⠀Ｙ⠀️⠀️ヽ⠀⠀ONIWA!
(⠀️⠀️⠀️(三ヽ人⠀⠀/⠀⠀⠀|
|⠀️⠀️⠀️ﾉ⠀¯¯\⠀￣￣ヽノAs I breathe,
ヽ＿＿＿⠀⠀＞､＿_／ you will NOT pass
⠀⠀⠀｜⠀(⠀王⠀)〈 the castle gate
⠀⠀⠀/⠀⠀ﾐ`——彡⠀\
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀🐎
I used to work at an abortion clinic
I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed:
• A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight
• A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor
• They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name)
• One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns
• The receptionist threw nail polish at an elderly man
• The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life"
• The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos
• The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy)
• During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free