Today my 12 year old and I walked into Harvard to sign him up for college. The dean rudely asked why a 12 year old was signing up for a prestigious institute. My son proclaimed "Well you see sir, I watch Starcraft". The dean tried to apologize but the police rushed in and dragged him out. My son passed all his classes with 4.0s and graduated magnet koom louder on the first day of college.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Hello Michael Santana, this is your local tax officer
twitchquotes:
Hello Michael Santana, this is your local tax officer. Your last reply as to why you haven't paid your taxes is unnacceptable. "I'll check it out later" and "You know how I get down" are NOT valid excuses. We are sending our men over RIGHT NOW to start repossessing your house.
twitch chat
imaqtpie
I released white fluid from my penis
Hello reddit, today I was rubbing my penis very fast with my hand then all of a sudden this massive release of white fluid came out of my penis, I searched up on google 'white fluid discharge from penis' and the results said I had a UTI. Could anyone figure out what came out of my penis?
NSFW
PUCK THE FLEBS
twitchquotes:
PUCK THE FLEBS 
PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS
PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS PUCK THE FLEBS
twitch chat
Forsen
plebs vs subs
I hate April Fool's Day
I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
Circle game got'em v2
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