Today my 12 year old and I walked into Harvard to sign him up for college. The dean rudely asked why a 12 year old was signing up for a prestigious institute. My son proclaimed "Well you see sir, I watch Starcraft". The dean tried to apologize but the police rushed in and dragged him out. My son passed all his classes with 4.0s and graduated magnet koom louder on the first day of college.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Please stop hoarding Hearthstone dust
twitchquotes:
༼ ºل͟º ༽ Well Met Kripp, this is Doctorino Dongerino. I urge you: pls stop hoarding Hearthstone dust. Breathing in all that dust will cause your lungs to RIP in pepperonis. Pls copypasta to save Kripp life ༼ ºل͟º ༽
twitch chat
Kripp
Stroll in my local GameStop
stroll into my local GameStop
looking to pick up a copy of Binding of Isaac
grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register
"Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..."
she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves
her eyes widen as she reads the game's title
"Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!"
I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind
"Hahaha look at what this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of ♥♥♥♥!"
I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst
generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing
"Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady."
"♥♥♥♥ you ♥♥♥♥♥♥!"
I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them
"As you wish..."
I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react
he bellows and charges forward
I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter
I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back
"...requiescat in pace..."
As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers
"So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?
"No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..."
I sheath my sword
"You're not my type."
skate away on my Heelys
Classic
Kappa
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Classic
Hi, my name is Bill Gates and today I’ll teach you how to count to ten
twitchquotes:
Hi, my name is Bill Gates and today I’ll teach you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
twitch chat
Classic
Donald Trump
⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⣿⣿⣿
⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣰⣶⣽⣽⣷⣶⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿
⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣆⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⣾⠟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠰⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⢿⡿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣷⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣼⣿⣻⣿⡿⠿⠿⠆⠄⠄⠄⠈⢙⣿⡇⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣞⡏⠄⢸⡿⣿⣿
⢀⠄⠄⢀⢸⢿⣿⣟⣷⣦⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣷⣐⣼⣿⣷⠄⣠⣴⣤⣤⣄⢉⡄⠄⠸⠇⣿⣿
⣶⣇⣤⡎⠘⠁⠐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⡇⡶⣥⣴⣿⣿
⢣⣛⡍⠸⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⢈⣿⣿⣿⡇⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⢜⣿⣿⣿
⠃⠋⠼⠥⠄⢠⠄⠐⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢁⠈⠉⠛⠛⠛⠋⠈⠟⣿⣿⡏⠄⢸⢸⣽⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠠⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣦⣤⣀⣤⣤⡀⢨⠿⣇⠄⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⣾⣾⡇⡀⠄⠄⢀⢢⣽⣿⣿⡿⠿⠻⠿⠛⠛⠿⠛⠻⠜⡽⣸⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣷⠎⢡⡭⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠺⣿⣿⣷⣾⢿⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠳⢶⣿⣿⡿⢋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠁⠄⢸⣿⡄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⠽⣿⣷⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣠⣬⣏⠉⠁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠛⡟⠿⡿⢻⠛⠟⠿⠋⠁