[Copypasta] Well you see sir, I watch Starcraft

Today my 12 year old and I walked into Harvard to sign him up for college. The dean rudely asked why a 12 year old was signing up for a prestigious institute. My son proclaimed "Well you see sir, I watch Starcraft". The dean tried to apologize but the police rushed in and dragged him out. My son passed all his classes with 4.0s and graduated magnet koom louder on the first day of college.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I used to work at an abortion clinic

I used to work at an abortion clinic and I saw some extremely fucked up shit there which is why I'm so anti-abortion now. This is just SOME of the horrible stuff I personally witnessed: β€’ ⁠A 23 year old woman came in 11 months into her pregnancy and said "I don't want my stupid baby anymore, kill it" and the doctor said "okay" and he put jumper cables up her baby hole and connected them to a car battery and let it run for six days straight β€’ ⁠A little 8-year old girl wandered in and said "I want an abortion but I am not pregnant" and the doctor said "we'll fix that" and he stole a baby and cut the girl open and put the baby inside her and sewed her shut and then woke the girl up and said "congratulations it's a healthy six year old boy" and the girl said "can I keep him" and the doctor said no and then backed over her in the parking lot with his brand new Ford Raptor β€’ ⁠They made me sign an agreement promising to stop drinking from the medical waste container (I signed somebody else's name) β€’ ⁠One of the doctors there developed a futuristic ray gun that could make anything he shot have an abortion, even trees, cars, or barns β€’ ⁠The receptionist threw nail polish at an elderly man β€’ ⁠The doctor's assistant invented this thing she called "the silly slide" and it was a really fun little water slide that connected a woman's vagina to a paper shredder so a newborn baby could briefly "enjoy the high life" β€’ ⁠The oldest child we aborted was in his late 70s, we didn't even know he was a baby until his wife brought in photos β€’ ⁠The doctors put all sorts of crap up a woman's uterus including a clown nose, bicycle handlebars, a calendar, and an entire Sears retail outlet (before bankruptcy) β€’ ⁠During every successful abortion, the doctor would shout "take that, baby" and he'd push a red button that made sirens go off and confetti fell from the ceiling and we'd all get Del Taco for free
August 2021

NSFW

Shaggy Doo

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
September 2021

Solo is one of my favorite Star Wars movies

twitchquotes: Action-packed, fast-paced while exploring deeper themes of oppression, power, and values... what's not to love?! Solo is personally one of my favorite Star Wars movies. Plenty of throwbacks to the old films while offering some foreshadowing. [$0.25 deposited in your PayPalβ„’. Remember to delete this part before posting]
twitch chat
September 2018

sellout

COPERINOο»Ώ FRAPPUCCIONO PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO

twitchquotes: ΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊΰΌ½ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊ ΰΌ½ YOU COPERINOο»Ώ FRAPPUCCIONO PASTARINO'D THE WRONG DONGERINO ΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊΰΌ½ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊ ΰΌ½
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

I need a hyper improvement platform

twitchquotes: Micheal, in this brand new season full of unexpected challenges and adventures in the world that is solo q, what can I / We / YOUR VIEWERS use in order to maximise our game knowledge and as a result increase our chance of getting higher ranks, I need a hyper improvement platform man, hit me up!
twitch chat
January 2015
imaqtpie
Text-to-Speech Playing