[Copypasta] Team Bull vs Team Bear

Team Bull Jerome "We print it digitally" Powell Elon "TSLA stonk too low imo" Musk Nancy "Stimulus talks going well" Pelosi Donny "Stop the count" Mango Janet "Unlimited QE bitch" Yellen Lisa "Su Bae" Su Ryan "Make Gamestop great again" Cohen ------------------------------------------------------------------------ VS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Team Bear Jeff "No stock split to keep the poors out" Bezos Mitch "Stimulus talks not going well" Mcconnell Steven "Discontinue the PPP" Mnuchin Andrew "PlTr PrIcE tArGeT $10" Left Tim "Don't call me by my slave name" Apple Michael "I'm publicly shorting TSLA" Burry Warren "I fought in the Civil War" Buffet Which team will win? Team Bull or Team Bear? Load up on weeklies for a ticket to the pay per view hell in the cell match. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Special Guests: That one JPM analyst with TSLA 90p 12/18 Life savings SPCE calls guy Jim "FUCK ROBINHOOD" Cramer
December 2020

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/kd6fsb/what_are_your_moves_tomorrow_december_15_2020/gfunobs
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If Apple opens super green tomorrow

If Apple opens super green tomorrow, I will buy a green Apple and cut a 1/4in hole in it and fuck it with my peen.
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MSFT Infinite Money Glitch 🚀🚀🚀

Disclaimer: I am not a financial or investment advisor. Before this subreddit was ruined by ten million people, solid DD used to get done. Do you ever find yourself reminiscing about the good ‘ol WSB days? Well, your prayers have been answered. Degenerates gather around, as I am bringing you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make some serious $MSFT tendies 🚀 Today, Bill Gates announced that after twenty-seven years of marriage, he will be divorcing. Do you know what this means? Bill is single and ready to mingle. Step 1: Use Wife’s Tinder Account Step 2: Match with Bill Gates Step 3: Wife goes on date with Bill, they fall in love, he proposes, no pre-nup Step 4: Wife marries Bill and becomes $MSFT royalty Step 5: Continue to date wife Step 6: Cash out 🚀🚀🚀 For those too retarded to read: https://preview.redd.it/tts3psz5q0x61.jpg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f68092ae47d414627c6dee8a0c4afd6808bcc57 Congratulations. You are now your own wife’s boyfriend.
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Classic

Bears after a green day

It’s 4:01pm. Bears solemnly log out of their devastated brokerage account, get up from their makeshift desk made up of a stack of empty Michelina’s frozen lasagna dinners, head up the stairs of their father’s basement, grab the keys to their tan ‘97 Chevy Cavalier and a cloth mask embroidered with the word “VOTE,” and drive down the street to the local gay bar for a holiday themed burlesque show.
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Damn missed the TSLA pump

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Hello gentleman, I have suffered a loss of 69K

Hello gentleman, I regretfully wish to share with you all that I shant comment on this Internet forum henceforth. As of the time of my arrival in this past autumn, I have suffered a loss of 69K. By the blessing of Lady Luck, I am still experiencing a positive net balance of 420%, so I have come to the conclusion I must liquidate my insignificant phallus account. I shall use this fortune for procuring a vaginal enlargement and acquire tremendous breasts for my OnlyAristocracy parchment. Or I may be devilish and maintain an investment position in TournamentCease. I am short of hours of leisure in life, training dogs to consume peanut butter from the reaches of my posterior and can not bare the rapid change of value of my investment holdings of 40 point 7 grand. I am aware that you, my peers of this financial derivatives Internet forum are filled with ecstasy to become privy to this, so copulate with yourself, I desire you all to be ablaze in nonheteronormative ursine hell in tandem with Sadam.
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