[Copypasta] Daily stock prayer

Stock space rocket

.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　,　　　 .　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ☀️ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　,　　　　　　　　　　[stock ticker]🚀 　　　　　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　.　　　　 🌑 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 . 　　　 🌎 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* .　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.

ascii art

January 2021

WallStreetBets

The Battle of Gamestop rages on.

The Battle of Gamestop rages on. Pre-market we could hear the bears in no-man’s land, baiting us towards higher prices so the shorts could do their dirty work. I was stationed at the 13.80 line, and knew the morning was going to be hot. I shoveled a breakfast of tendies and said a quick prayer to Father Cohen. When the bell rang, the bears surged into our trenches. Blood and rainbow fur filled the air and littered the ground. The Diamond Division has seen worse days, and we held firm. As the bears retreated we gave chase to retake ground we’d lost in the past week. As I caught my breath near the 14.50, I could see bodies everywhere; paper hands who had fallen in earlier battles. One of them groaned and reached a hand towards me. I spat on him and kept moving. No honor in retreat, and no sympathy for self-inflicted wounds. This war won’t be won in a day, but it will be won. Tell my wife’s boyfriend to tell her I love her.

December 2020

WallStreetBets

Christmas for a wsb trader

As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some. How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully. “Are you coming to bed?” your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. You’ll stop soon, though. “Soon!” you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps. The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they halt—the alternation feature broken—on red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like they’re bleeding. Like your calls. After a time—hours?—you realize you’re sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.

December 2020

WallStreetBets

Apple announces an EV program

Oh boy I can't wait until 2024 when I can wake up to my Apple Homepod Siri alarm and check my Apple Watch for notifications and take a shower in my Apple Big Douche then put my makeup on before work in my Apple Mirror then take my Apple Car to my job at Apple Phone Plant #584 so I can work on my Mac Pro workstation designing the latest Apple Product the iShit smart toilet that syncs with your iAsshole to sense when you have a massive log brewing in my large intestine and sends me a notification to my apple colonoscopy bag. Russian hackers will know what I had for dinner.

December 2020

WallStreetBets

We should buy Reddit

We should buy Reddit. Not the stock. The actual company. If we all get together and own 51% then we will own this entire website. We could make the rules, profit from the advertising, and finally get paid for the memes we make. I've even come up with a list of things we could do as new owners: Reddit mods can apply for paid-internships at Reddit. This is much closer to having a real job than what they currently do and would benefit the organization. Your flair is your official title at the company. IE: instead of "CFO" you'll be "PotatoFart" NSFW posts will receive special protections--and if you happen to work in our new skyscraper then NSFW posts are automatically considered SFW. Everyone gets a turn in the corporate jet. Elon becomes a mod. He can also apply to become a paid intern. We have a monthly party on our company yacht: The S.S. VisualMod. Our corporate cafeteria is a dining hall with fast food restaurants along the side--but they're all Wendy's. I think this is a great idea. Keep it high and tight. 👖🚀👖🚀👖🚀

December 2021

[Copypasta] Daily stock prayer

WallStreetBets

WallStreetBets

Stock space rocket

WallStreetBets

The Battle of Gamestop rages on.

WallStreetBets

Christmas for a wsb trader

WallStreetBets

Apple announces an EV program

WallStreetBets

We should buy Reddit

WallStreetBets

Reddit

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