As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some.
How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully.
“Are you coming to bed?” your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. You’ll stop soon, though. “Soon!” you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps.
The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they halt—the alternation feature broken—on red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like they’re bleeding. Like your calls.
After a time—hours?—you realize you’re sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.
As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some.
How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully.
“Are you coming to bed?” your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. You’ll stop soon, though. “Soon!” you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps.
The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they halt—the alternation feature broken—on red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like they’re bleeding. Like your calls.
After a time—hours?—you realize you’re sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.
Damn missed the TSLA pump
Damn missed the TSLA pump... just like last week... and last month.... and last year
Damn missed the TSLA pump... just like last week... and last month.... and last year
So I’m an AMC shareholder
So I’m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I can’t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now I’m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
So I’m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I can’t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now I’m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
Daily WSB trader routine
1. Wake up
2. Check memfolio, buy more PLTR calls
3. Shit while looking at charts, don’t wipe
4. Fomo and buy the top
5. Watch stock Plummet
6. Sell, watch stock go up
7. Go to WSB and downvote everything
8. Jerk off, nut, realize how empty you are
9. Stare at futures for 3 hours
10. Sleep & repeat
1. Wake up
2. Check memfolio, buy more PLTR calls
3. Shit while looking at charts, don’t wipe
4. Fomo and buy the top
5. Watch stock Plummet
6. Sell, watch stock go up
7. Go to WSB and downvote everything
8. Jerk off, nut, realize how empty you are
9. Stare at futures for 3 hours
10. Sleep & repeat
Team Bull vs Team Bear
Team Bull
Jerome "We print it digitally" Powell
Elon "TSLA stonk too low imo" Musk
Nancy "Stimulus talks going well" Pelosi
Donny "Stop the count" Mango
Janet "Unlimited QE bitch" Yellen
Lisa "Su Bae" Su
Ryan "Make Gamestop great again" Cohen
------------------------------------------------------------------------
VS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Team Bear
Jeff "No stock split to keep the poors out" Bezos
Mitch "Stimulus talks not going well" Mcconnell
Steven "Discontinue the PPP" Mnuchin
Andrew "PlTr PrIcE tArGeT $10" Left
Tim "Don't call me by my slave name" Apple
Michael "I'm publicly shorting TSLA" Burry
Warren "I fought in the Civil War" Buffet
Which team will win?
Team Bull or Team Bear?
Load up on weeklies for a ticket to the pay per view hell in the cell match.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special Guests:
That one JPM analyst with TSLA 90p 12/18
Life savings SPCE calls guy
Jim "FUCK ROBINHOOD" Cramer
Team Bull
Jerome "We print it digitally" Powell
Elon "TSLA stonk too low imo" Musk
Nancy "Stimulus talks going well" Pelosi
Donny "Stop the count" Mango
Janet "Unlimited QE bitch" Yellen
Lisa "Su Bae" Su
Ryan "Make Gamestop great again" Cohen
------------------------------------------------------------------------
VS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Team Bear
Jeff "No stock split to keep the poors out" Bezos
Mitch "Stimulus talks not going well" Mcconnell
Steven "Discontinue the PPP" Mnuchin
Andrew "PlTr PrIcE tArGeT $10" Left
Tim "Don't call me by my slave name" Apple
Michael "I'm publicly shorting TSLA" Burry
Warren "I fought in the Civil War" Buffet
Which team will win?
Team Bull or Team Bear?
Load up on weeklies for a ticket to the pay per view hell in the cell match.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special Guests:
That one JPM analyst with TSLA 90p 12/18
Life savings SPCE calls guy
Jim "FUCK ROBINHOOD" Cramer
I used to be a real ad