[Copypasta] Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
December 2020
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Coke Gaming out!

twitchquotes: HI, this is Coke Gaming here In the Twitch stream of Aurateur. We would like to give you lots of money and gifted subscriptions, and maybe you can be on a platform-wide ad! Please be as loud and obnoxious as possible, the louder the reaction the better! Thank you for considering us. Coke Gaming out!
twitch chat
December 2019

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

God I wish Winston was real

twitchquotes: God I wish Winston was real. I want him to sit on my face with his furry ass. I want him to yell "THE POWER OF SCIENCE" as he thrusts into me. I want him to spam "OH YEAH" when we're finished. God if Blizzard made life-sized cutouts of Winston I would buy them all for myself and keep them in my basement for my pleasure. God I wish Winston was real.
twitch chat
March 2018

Overwatch

I think it’s safe to say NA is a far superior region

I think it’s safe to say NA is a far superior region. There is just such a mentality difference between the two regions. Teams from NA want to win, while teams from EU (Streamnatic, Team twitchquid) just don’t want it as much. it really shows in the way they perform. NA is far more disciplined, practicing long hours of the day while EU would rather stream. Next lan, I’m not sure EU should get any spots tbf.
May 2022

Valorant

British "person" (🤢) in Godzilla vs Kong

I can't believe it, one of this year's biggest movies and they added a bri'ish "person", it's a well known fact by now that the so called "British" and the entire country of "Britain" aren't even real things. Why would the director decide to ruin the realism, the immersion his audience should feel when watching a huge monke and lizard fighting, by adding one of these imaginary "individuals". I must admit I was excited for Gozdilla vs Kong when I first saw the trailer but now... I don't know what to feel. I don't know if I have the will to watch this movie and be able to enjoy it while there's a bri'ish person on my screen.
April 2021

British People

Text-to-Speech Playing