Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
only a real human being can buld a prper face
twitchquotes:
๐ ๐ ๐ only a real human being can build a proper face ๐
twitch chat
Response to "go fuck yourself"
What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
Classic
Dear streamer, I will be joining the doubters
twitchquotes:
๐ โ๏ธ 
๐๐ฎ๐ช๐ป [streamer name] , ๐ ๐ป๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ป๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฏ๐พ๐ต๐ต๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ต๐ต ๐ซ๐ฎ ๐ป๐ฎ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฒ๐ท๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ป๐ธ๐ถ ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฒ๐ท๐ฐ ๐ช ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ป ๐ช๐ท๐ญ ๐๐ฒ๐ต๐ต ๐ซ๐ฎ ๐ณ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ท๐ฒ๐ท๐ฐ ๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ฎ ๐ญ๐ธ๐พ๐ซ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ป๐ผ ๐ฒ๐ท ๐ญ๐ธ๐พ๐ซ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ท๐ฐ ๐๐ธ๐พ๐ป ๐ช๐ซ๐ฒ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ผ.
๐๐ฎ๐ช๐ป [streamer name] , ๐ ๐ป๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ป๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฏ๐พ๐ต๐ต๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ต๐ต ๐ซ๐ฎ ๐ป๐ฎ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฒ๐ท๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ป๐ธ๐ถ ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฒ๐ท๐ฐ ๐ช ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ป ๐ช๐ท๐ญ ๐๐ฒ๐ต๐ต ๐ซ๐ฎ ๐ณ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ท๐ฒ๐ท๐ฐ ๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ฎ ๐ญ๐ธ๐พ๐ซ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ป๐ผ ๐ฒ๐ท ๐ญ๐ธ๐พ๐ซ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ท๐ฐ ๐๐ธ๐พ๐ป ๐ช๐ซ๐ฒ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ผ.
twitch chat
Kripps anguish in his expression is palpable
twitchquotes:
Kripps anguish in his expression is palpable, his gray eyes burning. 'im going to CHUGGA,' he murmurs, his voice full of longing. I brace my self for his cold hard thrust. his ice lance pierces. As he presses closer, my breathing quickens. He has lethal, my body explodes.
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
AITA For banning my sister from my wedding since she won't follow the dress code?
Hello Reddit UWU my name is fox chan nya~ ๐ฆ and this September I'm getting married (wiggles tail in excitement) ๐๐๐ท๐บ
I'm getting married next week to my alpha horse wolf Shadow Senpai ๐ด๐บ๐ฅฐ. The dress code is animal themed but my sister won't do it. She's Vagen๐ณ and thinks it's bad (cries cutely while Mozart's Symphony No. 40 in G minor plays)๐ถ๐ผโซ๐ค
(eyes turn red like demon, but not like demon) I want to not invite her ๐ก๐ค๐คฌ๐
AITA?