[Copypasta] Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub

Jacked off in the shower while laying down in the tub -- shower water raining down from above. It was very nice and ended nicely. Later that day, I went to take a shit. Shit wouldn't come out, and I felt an odd tugging sensation between my ass cheeks. Thought I was dying and started freaking out while I tried to pinch my shit off to investigate. Turns out my jizz had found its way into my ass cheeks while laying down in the tub, mingled with all my ass hair, and solidified into a gelatinous plaster. Upon shitting, the hair was so fucked together that my cheeks couldn't separate for the shit to emerge (felt like that playdoh hair salon toy). I ended up having such a massacre of shitcum on my ass and hands that I had to get back in the shower just to clean off.
December 2020
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

Finland's national anthem

twitchquotes: Finland mentioned, so here is our national anthem: Isäm maa karjala perkele sauna kirves vaimo 6-1 omakotitalo vene terva mäntysuopa suomempystykorva konepistooli karhu ilves susi kossu viina pontikka metsä kiitos 39-45 veteraani Mannerheim Juti rillaa Seppo Räty Mika Häkkinen sydänkohtaus diabetes Trixi saatana.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Donald Trump vs Biden

Approximately 15 people have died from COVID within the first 10 MINUTES of Biden’s presidency. Compare that with former president Donald Trump, where there was not a SINGLE death in the first 1,125 days of his glorious reign. Not convinced? Trump created approximately 72813% more jobs in HALF of his FIRST TERM than Biden has during in his ENTIRE time as president. The numbers don’t lie Liberals 😏👌🏼
January 2021

2020 US Election

Please stop spamming, for Bernard

twitchquotes: Guys please stop spamming. My dog, Bernard, looked at my chat and got so dizzy because of the spam that he fell down and hit his noggin right on his food bowl! He couldn't talk for hours. Please stop spamming, for Bernard.
twitch chat
December 2014

Classic

Whale and bee wrestling

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⡴⠊⠉⠁⠄⡱⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡔⢩⢽⡝⠒⠒⡩⢍⣍⠉⠁⠄⢄⣸⠃⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠟⠚⠋⠄⠄⠄⠣⠻⠟⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⣄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⣆⠄ ⠄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠛⠢⡀⠄⠄⢧⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⠄ ⠄⠉⠑⢄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⢆⠄⠄⠻⡛⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⢖⣲⠒⢦⣀⠄⠄⠄⢸⡇ ⠄⠄⠄⣀⣱⣄⣠⠴⠚⢭⡙⠉⠙⠲⣼⡷⠤⠤⣤⡀⠄⠁⠄⠄⠈⠙⣇⠄⠸⡇ ⠄⠄⢎⢰⣿⠈⠄⠘⢄⡿⠃⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⠢⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⠄⠄⣇ ⠄⢀⠎⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⠄⢨⣷⣦⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⡇ ⠄⢜⢀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⣾⣿⠇⢀⣼⣿⡿⠄⠈⣢⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣿⡏ ⠄⠘⠢⢄⣀⣀⣠⣤⠶⠚⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠦⣾⣿⡿⠁⠄⡿⠉⠄⠄⣠⠾⢋⡼⠃ ⠄⠔⠂⠈⠙⢲⣤⣤⣶⣶⣶⠆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⡏⠄⠄⠄⡡⠤⠶⡋⠁⠄⢸⡇⠄ ⠎⠄⡠⠴⠒⠼⣿⣽⣯⣶⣤⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣶⡇⠄⠄⢠⠁⠄⠄⣧⡀⠄⠸⡇⠄ ⣀⠎⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⡇⠄⠄⡎⠄⠄⡰⠠⡙⢦⣀⢧⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⢸⠁⠄⠊⠄⣀⠇⠄⠉⠛
March 2021

Teamfight Tactics

Goldshire Footman is one of my favorite cards

twitchquotes: Goldshire Footman quickly became one of my favorite cards. He might not be the strongest minion in the game, but he protects me without hesitation against large minions and the way he says "Ready for battle" always fills me with confidence :)
twitch chat
January 2019

Hearthstone

Text-to-Speech Playing