[Copypasta] Apple announces an EV program

Oh boy I can't wait until 2024 when I can wake up to my Apple Homepod Siri alarm and check my Apple Watch for notifications and take a shower in my Apple Big Douche then put my makeup on before work in my Apple Mirror then take my Apple Car to my job at Apple Phone Plant #584 so I can work on my Mac Pro workstation designing the latest Apple Product the iShit smart toilet that syncs with your iAsshole to sense when you have a massive log brewing in my large intestine and sends me a notification to my apple colonoscopy bag. Russian hackers will know what I had for dinner.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/khq3x2/what_are_your_moves_tomorrow_december_22_2020/ggmq6xo
I used to be a real ad
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Anyone basing trades right now on fundamentals is a fucking tool

So many arrogant fucks here love talking fundamental analysis when they can't even tell me if lil’ Yachty got another Ferrari much less how stuffed the fucking Oreos are now. Fucking clowns, all of them. Shut the fuck up and do your trades. If you really need a valuation multiple you can't even derive to tell you whether you should buy a stock or not, you deserve CHGG. Newsflash, the stock market never made sense nor will it. Best you can do is trade gourd futures you know about and feel with your hands that it hasn't been spotted by any number of fungal pathogens in the complex ecology of modern supply chains. Or alternatively manipulate markets like the rich investors who funnel you into silver every fucking time like clockwork. Warren Buffet's dad was Paul Revere, if you think that shit didn't help The Wizard of Omaha then not only are you retarded but also delusional. Now stfu about EBITDA and long term debt-to-equity ratios. If you actually knew what the fuck was going to happen you'd be chilling in r/lounge with a fat chick, not on wsb posting "anyone basing trades right now on technical analysis is fucking tool.”
February 2022

WallStreetBets

I just fired out why they call them Brokers

I just figured out why they call them β€˜Brokers’
March 2021

WallStreetBets

Police clearing out a homeless encampment

On my way into the office today I saw the police clearing out a homeless encampment under a bridge, forcing them into the cold and rain. I keep playing it over in my head and haven’t been able to focus on work all day because of my erection.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

NOT. SELLING. GAMESTOP.

🦍 🍌 🦍 🍌 🦍 🍌 🦍 🍌 🦍 🍌 🦍 🍌 NOT. FUCKING. SELLING. πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ NOT PRESSING β€œSELL” ON 1. FUCKING. SHARE. πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 I’LL GO TO $0.00 BEFORE BILLIONAIRES GET ONE MORE PENNY FROM US. πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ CAN’T STOP. WON’T STOP. GAMESTOP. πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 TOMORROW, I THINK I’LL BE HOLDING THE LINE. MAYBE MAKE SOME TENDIES, TOO. πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ I’LL SEE EVERY ONE OF YOU BEAUTIFUL APES ON PLUTO SOON, AND IT’S GOING TO JUST BE A SEA OF SPARKLING DIAMOND. πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 πŸ’Ž 🀚 I LOVE YOU, ALL, AND I’M NOT SELLING, AND I’M NOT FUCKING LEAVING. NOT ONE. FUCKING. SHARE!!! πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€ πŸš€
February 2021

WallStreetBets

GME bank consultation

Short story-time for amusement reasons only: some days ago, I went to my bank (Austria). I am the owner of quite a number of GME shares and my broker app is actually just the bank-intern bond trading app, where I need to pay transactional feed everytime I buy (what is sell?) GME shares. I informed myself about the reasoning of those transactional fees beforehand and found out that by paying them, I have the right of consultation by my bank about the shares theyβ€˜re trading/Iβ€˜m buying. So, I went to the main national building of my bank, they were really friendly at the beginning, enthustiatically, I mentioned GME to them and that I wish for professional consultation about the financial details involved with that stock (I am not a financial guy, actually, I donβ€˜t exactly know whatβ€˜s going on, itβ€˜s all pretty crazy to me). Suddenly, their posture and mimick changed pretty suddenly. I was told, they are not allowed to consult about GME. To my question, why this was the case, they told me, because GME is β€žtoo irrelevant for the big stock marketβ€œ. They are β€žaware of the past short squeeze, but one should no longer focus on GMEβ€œ. They acted as if GME was some β€žchildish financial playgroundβ€œ that should be forgotten about. When I confronted them with the huge recent naked short attacks and if they could explain to me possible effects of them if they were not covered, they just repeated themselves how β€žGME is not relevant, please focus on stocks like Apple or Amazon to be safeβ€œ. I left the bank, buying more GME shares.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

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