[Copypasta] Genetics is the future

Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla

December 2021. Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla (Elon Musk invented a more efficient form of security). ARK ETFs are trading at minimum $1,000 a share and investors are signing 10-year pledges just for the privilege. I log on to my Tesla taxi app and order a car. A vintage Roadster pulls up with EDM playing at a tasteful volume. "Where to, King?" asks the anime girl on the console. "You know where", I reply. Palantir knows. We both laugh and the car takes off to Wendys.

March 2021

WallStreetBets

Bears after a green day

It’s 4:01pm. Bears solemnly log out of their devastated brokerage account, get up from their makeshift desk made up of a stack of empty Michelina’s frozen lasagna dinners, head up the stairs of their father’s basement, grab the keys to their tan ‘97 Chevy Cavalier and a cloth mask embroidered with the word “VOTE,” and drive down the street to the local gay bar for a holiday themed burlesque show.

December 2021

WallStreetBets

Investing in gourd futures

Due to local fluctuations in the tropopause, the jet stream has been shifting rapidly in a counterclockwise vector, causing a rapid disincorporation of the Hadley vortex cells in the lower ionosphere. Because of this, the geostrophic solar wind balance has deteriorated rapidly in the northern hemisphere. In essence, autumnal weather patterns in the western United States will lead to the biggest ornamental gourd yield in recorded history. Investing in gourd agricultural futures could likely produce up to $1600 per day in passive income. However, investing at the apex of the curve would be the most conducive to profit as the arbitrage (particularly 12b-1 fees) will develop at a market share higher than the back-end load. Basically, no one will be able to buy the stock at a higher price than you, and all value invested will be retained. A preliminary market penetration investment of $50,000 would be most efficient in generating this revenue.

January 2021

WallStreetBets

GME to the moon

.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　,　　　 .　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　☀️if we hold　　. ,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　 🚀 gme 　　　　　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　.　　　　 🌑 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　.　 ˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　 🌎 ‍ ‍ if we sell ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* .　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ ˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.

ascii art

January 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

MSFT Infinite Money Glitch 🚀🚀🚀

Disclaimer: I am not a financial or investment advisor. Before this subreddit was ruined by ten million people, solid DD used to get done. Do you ever find yourself reminiscing about the good ‘ol WSB days? Well, your prayers have been answered. Degenerates gather around, as I am bringing you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make some serious $MSFT tendies 🚀 Today, Bill Gates announced that after twenty-seven years of marriage, he will be divorcing. Do you know what this means? Bill is single and ready to mingle. Step 1: Use Wife’s Tinder Account Step 2: Match with Bill Gates Step 3: Wife goes on date with Bill, they fall in love, he proposes, no pre-nup Step 4: Wife marries Bill and becomes $MSFT royalty Step 5: Continue to date wife Step 6: Cash out 🚀🚀🚀 For those too retarded to read: https://preview.redd.it/tts3psz5q0x61.jpg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f68092ae47d414627c6dee8a0c4afd6808bcc57 Congratulations. You are now your own wife’s boyfriend.

May 2021

[Copypasta] Genetics is the future

WallStreetBets

WallStreetBets

Cathie Wood owns 100% of palantir and 110% of Tesla

WallStreetBets

Bears after a green day

WallStreetBets

Investing in gourd futures

WallStreetBets

GME to the moon

WallStreetBets

Classic

MSFT Infinite Money Glitch 🚀🚀🚀

WallStreetBets

Classic

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