[Copypasta] Holding Galactic Virgins

Bear King Burry vs TSLA

Bear King Michael Burry in the ring, slappin TSLA with a metal chair. His glass eye open wide with rage as he batters TSLA relentlessly. "The valuation..." crunch "makes...." crunch "NO.... " crunch "SENSE!" he roars with maniacal autistic glee. TSLA struggles for the edge of the ring, but coughs blood as each hit lands, and eventually stops moving. Bear King Burry drops the chair. Bear King Burry turns to the crowd "Was this your champion!? Was TSLA supposed to be your chosen one!?" A child in the crowd turns his face into his mother's side and cries. On the side of the ring WSB can barely move. TSLA was supposed to tag them in, but couldn't make it to the side in time. "Get up TSLA" WSB whimpers hopelessly, a single tear rolling down their cheek. "Get up..." Bear King Burry turns to WSB "Now it is your portfolio's turn. Get in here you little bitch." "Excuse me." Someone replies from behind BKB. "I believe I can give you the fight you want." A robed figure is administering smelling salts to TSLA. The figure puts TSLA on its shoulder and carries TSLA gently out of the ring. "And just who the fuck do you think you are?" BKB rumbles ominously. BKB's fingers squeeze so tightly on the chair that metal bends. "Who am I?" the robed figure inquires. The robed figure stands straight and stretches to their full height. They must be at least 7' tall. The crowd stops crying and watches in stunned silence. "Who am I?" The figure repeats menacingly. The figure turns around to face BKB, ripping off his robe. A gleaming light fills the stadium. Before us stands a Golden deity, rippling with muscle. If there is an ounce of body fat it is currently in hiding, only to make way for seemingly endless coiled golden musculature. The figure looks directly into Bear King Burry's eyes. "I'm Goldman Sachs, and i'm here to kill you."

December 2020

WallStreetBets

GME to the moon

.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　,　　　 .　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　☀️if we hold　　. ,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　 🚀 gme 　　　　　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　.　　　　 🌑 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　.　 ˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　 🌎 ‍ ‍ if we sell ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* .　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ ˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.

ascii art

January 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

Unrealized losses

She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red. “I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.” But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice. She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon. Unrealized losses.

December 2020

WallStreetBets

Christmas for a wsb trader

As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some. How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully. “Are you coming to bed?” your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. You’ll stop soon, though. “Soon!” you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps. The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they halt—the alternation feature broken—on red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like they’re bleeding. Like your calls. After a time—hours?—you realize you’re sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.

December 2020

WallStreetBets

bears are fuk

I hate people saying bears are fuk or bulls are fuk. Stop saying that. It's very rude. Just say bears are fuk

December 2020

[Copypasta] Holding Galactic Virgins

WallStreetBets

WallStreetBets

Bear King Burry vs TSLA

WallStreetBets

GME to the moon

WallStreetBets

Classic

Unrealized losses

WallStreetBets

Christmas for a wsb trader

WallStreetBets

bears are fuk

WallStreetBets

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