[Copypasta] Holding Galactic Virgins

Virgin Galactic Holdings changes name to Holding Galactic Virgins, and announces it’s changing its business model to extraterrestrial prostitution. Edit: SpaceX, not to be outdone, changes to SpaceSex
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I used to be a real ad
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I'm buysexual

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Damn missed the TSLA pump

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Drunk at Applebees

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Bloomberg terminal vs toilet trading

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So I’m an AMC shareholder

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January 2021

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