Our government is so kind and caring for us. Waits till the very last minute to finally pass something and gives us $600 which should last us for at least 5 months. God bless this country
I used to be a real ad
More WallStreetBets Copypastas
I'm buysexual
I’m buysexual, sometimes I’m a top (when I buy) and sometimes a bottom (when I sell)
WallStreetBets
Genetics is the future
I keep putting more money into ARKG and making more money and I'm starting to actually fall in love with the genetics revolution. I hope one day they invent some sort of super sperm cocktail so I can shoot thicc rope with giant big brain sperm like tadpoles that come out and shoot 16 feet at 90mph. Then I can train my fatheaded genius kids how to buy calls. It could also offer a self-defense solution in a pinch as you rapid fire tadpoles at any incoming attackers.
Genetics is the future.
WallStreetBets
Priced in
Don't even ask the question. The answer is yes, it's priced in. Think Amazon will beat the next earnings? That's already been priced in. You work at the drive thru for Mickey D's and found out that the burgers are made of human meat? Priced in. You think insiders don't already know that? The market is an all powerful, all encompassing being that knows the very inner workings of your subconscious before you were even born. Your very existence was priced in decades ago when the market was valuing Standard Oil's expected future earnings based on population growth that would lead to your birth, what age you would get a car, how many times you would drive your car every week, how many times you take the bus/train, etc. Anything you can think of has already been priced in, even the things you aren't thinking of. You have no original thoughts. Your consciousness is just an illusion, a product of the omniscent market. Free will is a myth. The market sees all, knows all and will be there from the beginning of time until the end of the universe (the market has already priced in the heat death of the universe). So please, before you make a post on wsb asking whether AAPL has priced in earpods 11 sales or whatever, know that it has already been priced in and don't ask such a dumb fucking question again.
Classic
WallStreetBets
Stonks only go up. But you don't.
You watch her as she brushes her hair. She’s humming a song you can’t quite hear and smiling to herself. Not for the first time, you wonder why this person chose you.
She turns. “What do you want for Christmas?” You want to scream Save your money!, but you only shrug. “Nothing, really.”
“Nothing?” She crawls into bed and touches your leg. “Are you sure?” Again, you wonder why this person chose you.
As she takes the weight of you in her hand, your mind wanders. To your puts. They’ll expire worthless, like you. After several minutes of failing to conjure your manhood, she asks, “What’s wrong?”
Stonks only go up.
But you don’t.
WallStreetBets
I want JPow to use his full range of tools on me 😫
I want JPow to use his full range of tools on me 😫