I'm starting to think the people telling me to buy BB at $20 were being serious about not being financial advisors
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Don't use the "F word" on the trade floor
Just heard an employee use the âF wordâ on the trade floor, and immediately fired them. Maybe other funds will tolerate that kind of language, but donât you dare talk about Fundamentals here.
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Unrealized losses
She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. âWhat?â you ask absentmindedly. Youâre looking at Futures, and youâre surprised to see them red.
âI want you to play with me.â She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isnât totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, âI want to do that more.â
But youâve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. âUh huh,â you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you donât realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you donât say a word because you donât notice.
She hasnât left you yet, but she will soon.
Unrealized losses.
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Stonks only go up. But you don't.
You watch her as she brushes her hair. Sheâs humming a song you canât quite hear and smiling to herself. Not for the first time, you wonder why this person chose you.
She turns. âWhat do you want for Christmas?â You want to scream Save your money!, but you only shrug. âNothing, really.â
âNothing?â She crawls into bed and touches your leg. âAre you sure?â Again, you wonder why this person chose you.
As she takes the weight of you in her hand, your mind wanders. To your puts. Theyâll expire worthless, like you. After several minutes of failing to conjure your manhood, she asks, âWhatâs wrong?â
Stonks only go up.
But you donât.
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Iâm a simple guy
Iâm a simple guy. I donât know about all these fancy âfinancial instrumentsâ or âmarket dynamicsâ or âwhere the clit is.â
I like the stock, I buy the stock.
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These are classic hedge fund tricks.
WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS NOT A SELL-OFF.
Melvin Capital is going to throw a lot of tricks at us that will make it look like the stock is dropping. Don't fall for it.
Do not sell if you see any of these things happen:
GME drops by 30% or more after hours
SEC filings show that shorts have all exited their positions
GME drops below $1 a share
The Gamestop locations near you start closing
GME files for bankruptcy
GME is delisted from the stock exchange
Your bank forecloses on your home for late payment
Your children have children of their own who grow up and become investment bankers and tell you that you should stop telling people you're "diamond handing" a company that went out of business 30 years ago
These are classic hedge fund tricks.