[Copypasta] I challenge you to “Turtle King”

Before my ban, someone challenged me to a duel with cocks. I challenge you to “Turtle King” instead. We each dock our unhardened cocks into each other, then we put on clips of Yellen speaking during FOMC meetings. The first to effectively go from flaccid to erect and push the other out of the “dock” is crowned Turtle 🤴. Dual me, I’m 4-0.
October 2021

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/qil34t/comment/hilda9s/
I used to be a real ad
More WallStreetBets Copypastas

Jeff Bezos vs Elon Musk

Jeff Bezos -Bald -Exwife took half his networth -Second richest person Elon Musk -Grew back full head of hair -Has girlfriend, allegedly had a threesome with Amber Heard and Cara Delevingne -Richest person TSLA > AMZN
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

No name calling

I just had a conversation w a 🐂 that didnt resort to name calling... We just spoke our peace and wished ourselves good luck and now i dint know what to do with myself. I think im going to go back and call him a bitch.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Apple announces an EV program

Oh boy I can't wait until 2024 when I can wake up to my Apple Homepod Siri alarm and check my Apple Watch for notifications and take a shower in my Apple Big Douche then put my makeup on before work in my Apple Mirror then take my Apple Car to my job at Apple Phone Plant #584 so I can work on my Mac Pro workstation designing the latest Apple Product the iShit smart toilet that syncs with your iAsshole to sense when you have a massive log brewing in my large intestine and sends me a notification to my apple colonoscopy bag. Russian hackers will know what I had for dinner.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Hello gentleman, I have suffered a loss of 69K

Hello gentleman, I regretfully wish to share with you all that I shant comment on this Internet forum henceforth. As of the time of my arrival in this past autumn, I have suffered a loss of 69K. By the blessing of Lady Luck, I am still experiencing a positive net balance of 420%, so I have come to the conclusion I must liquidate my insignificant phallus account. I shall use this fortune for procuring a vaginal enlargement and acquire tremendous breasts for my OnlyAristocracy parchment. Or I may be devilish and maintain an investment position in TournamentCease. I am short of hours of leisure in life, training dogs to consume peanut butter from the reaches of my posterior and can not bare the rapid change of value of my investment holdings of 40 point 7 grand. I am aware that you, my peers of this financial derivatives Internet forum are filled with ecstasy to become privy to this, so copulate with yourself, I desire you all to be ablaze in nonheteronormative ursine hell in tandem with Sadam.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

GME to the moon

.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　   　 　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　 　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　,　　   　 .　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　ﾟ　  　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　☀️if we hold　　. ,　　　　　　　.　　　　　　    　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　  　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　       　    ✦ 　   　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　    🚀 gme 　　　　 　　,　　　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　 　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　 　　 　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　           　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　˚　   　　　　,　　　　　　　　　　　       　    　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　  　　    　　　　　 　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* 　　   　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　         　        　　　　 　　 　　　　　　　 　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　    　　. 　 　　　　　.　　　　 🌑 　　　　　   　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　.　 ˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ﾟ　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　 🌎 ‍ ‍ if we sell ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ,　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　* .　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ ˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　　   　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　.
ascii art
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Classic

More WallStreetBets Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing