[Copypasta] I hate gaming laptops

Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

These are classic hedge fund tricks.

WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS NOT A SELL-OFF. Melvin Capital is going to throw a lot of tricks at us that will make it look like the stock is dropping. Don't fall for it. Do not sell if you see any of these things happen: GME drops by 30% or more after hours SEC filings show that shorts have all exited their positions GME drops below $1 a share The Gamestop locations near you start closing GME files for bankruptcy GME is delisted from the stock exchange Your bank forecloses on your home for late payment Your children have children of their own who grow up and become investment bankers and tell you that you should stop telling people you're "diamond handing" a company that went out of business 30 years ago These are classic hedge fund tricks.
February 2021

WallStreetBets

Grammar rules for -ussy

-ussy as a fuffix is not gender-specific. on top of that, bussy is already a form of -ussy, for the word boy. Boyussy does not work, due to y acting more like a vowel in context of the word as a whole. using bussy in place of -ussy is never applicable. To use bussy means you are using Bussy as a descriptor, not as a noun (ex: dolphin bussy instead of dolphussy.) This is true for all words, even when spelling and/or pronunciation is not immediately obvious. (Ex: Ohio, while one thing might need to use Ohiobussy or Ohbussy, is spelled Ohussy, pronounced Oh-hussy. Some could argue for Ohiussy, pronounced Ohi-ussy, but that results in -ussy still being seperate from the word, not integrated.) I hope this clarification helps!
April 2022

WeirdChamp

⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄ ⠄⣤⣾⣿⠟⠋⠉⠉⠄⠈⠉⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⡇⠄ ⢰⣿⣿⣿⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡄⠄⠈⠙⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠄⣀⣀⣤⣄⣀⠉⢣⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⡋⠉⠄⢀⣀⣀⣄⡀⢀⣀⣠⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣆⣾⠄ ⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣉⣛⣛⣩⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠶⢶⣦⣦⠄⣀⣽⣿⠄ ⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⠄ ⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄ ⠄⠄⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⢀ ⡇⠄⠄⠛⢿⣿⡿⠟⣽⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄⠉⠉⠙⠋⢉⣿⣧⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣠⣿ ⣷⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⠄⠾⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣀⣀⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣇⠈⢿⣿⡟⢁⣿⣿ ⣿⡄⠄⠄⠠⢿⣆⠄⠄⠘⠉⠉⠉⠁⠈⠙⠩⠿⠍⠙⠻⠄⠉⣰⣿⡿⠁⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣮⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣋⣤⣤⣤⣴⣿⣟⣁⢸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠉⣽⣿⣿⣿⣟⠍⢍⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣄⣀⣀⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2019

Kripp is a professional children's card game streamer

twitchquotes: Who the hell do you think you kids are? Kripp is a professional children's card game streamer and mobile games salesman, and you think you can just come in his chat and criticize him and his plays like you know something he doesn't? Get real. Maybe if you ate your veggies like my boy Kripp, you'd have the brainpower to make crazy split-second analytical decisions that can beat the other kids on the playground. Show some fucking respect
twitch chat
April 2018
Kripp

Hearthstone

Your stream has provided a constant influx of salt

twitchquotes: Mr. Kripp, I would like to personally thank you for saving my life. I lead a stressful life and have dangerously high blood sugar. Your stream has provided a constant influx of salt which has balanced my blood sugar levels, and according to the doctor I'm gonna do just fine now. Please remember that every time you get flamestriked, your saltiness cures another middle-aged man like myself of diabetes.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing