[Copypasta] I hate gaming laptops

Today when I walked into my economics class I saw something I dread every time I close my eyes. Someone had brought their new gaming laptop to class. The Forklift he used to bring it was still running idle at the back. I started sweating as I sat down and gazed over at the 700lb beast that was his laptop. He had already reinforced his desk with steel support beams and was in the process of finding an outlet for a power cable thicker than Amy Schumer's thigh. I start shaking. I keep telling myself I'm going to be alright and that there's nothing to worry about. He somehow finds a fucking outlet. Tears are running down my cheeks as I send my last texts to my family saying I love them. The teacher starts the lecture, and the student turns his laptop on. The colored lights on his RGB Backlit keyboard flare to life like a nuclear flash, and a deep humming fills my ears and shakes my very soul. The entire city power grid goes dark. The classroom begins to shake as the massive fans begin to spin. In mere seconds my world has gone from vibrant life, to a dark, earth shattering void where my body is getting torn apart by the 150mph gale force winds and the 500 decibel groan of the cooling fans. As my body finally surrenders, I weep, as my school and my city go under. I fucking hate gaming laptops.
December 2020
I used to be a real ad
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Tricky the Clown (Expurgation)

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢻⠟⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⢿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠜⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠠⠒⠒⠒⠄⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠺⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀⠀⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⣀⡴⠒⢺⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠩⠛⠒⠚⣲⠃⠂⠠⠐⠠⠐⡀⠈⡄⠀⠀⣀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠲⠠⢠⠀⠀⢀⠁⢀⠁⠈⠁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⢶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⡐⠀⠀⠈⠑⠚⠄⡄⣄⣄⣶⣿⣿⠟⠛⠋⠉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡆⠀⢀⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢙⣻⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣧⠀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⣀⠀⠉⠙⢢⡀⠀⣹ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠓⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣷⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢣⡀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⢀⣶⣶⣦⠀⠀⠀⡇⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⠀⢀⡴⠺⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⠀⢸⣷⣾⠁⠀⠀⢀⣤⣶⣶⣿⣷⣄⡀⠀⢈⡇⢂⠀⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠈⠉⢙⣇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⣸⡇⠀⠈⠁⠂⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⡀⠀⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⣰⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣶⣦⣤⣤⣤⡴⠶⠒⣿⠛⢻⠉⠁⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⡉⠁⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠘⢀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⣲⣿⠀⠀⠀⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2021

Zhong Xina

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠋⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠄⠄⢠⣴⣶⣿⣿⣶⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣦⣀⣾⣿⣟⣉⠉⠙⢛⡏⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠚⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣗⣻⣿⣯⣥⣦⠄⣀⣾⡇⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣻⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣥⣾⣷⠶⠆⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠚⣿⣿⡻⠿⠿⠛⠙⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠂⠄⠄⠘⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠿⠛⠉⠁⠁⠄⠄⠄⣻⣿⣿⣧⣠⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠿⢿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⠿⣿⡿⠃⢀⡠⠄⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
November 2021

Start with something small like your intelligence

twitchquotes: I've heard shoving things up your ass is quite painful so you might want to start with something small like your intelligence and build up to bigger things like your ego
twitch chat
March 2020

Classic

NINJA SUBS = haHAA

twitchquotes: NINJA = haHAA NINJA SUBS = haHAA
twitch chat
March 2018
Ninja

The Cocklock Deck

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, its the "cocklock" you just beat. I'm on the phone with my mom right now, and she isn't very happy with you. She is coming over now to comfort me, and then we are going to have to report you to the police. I hope you enjoy jail.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing