[Copypasta] Police clearing out a homeless encampment

On my way into the office today I saw the police clearing out a homeless encampment under a bridge, forcing them into the cold and rain. I keep playing it over in my head and havenโ€™t been able to focus on work all day because of my erection.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

https://twitter.com/SimpleJackCap/status/1343982816938356739
I used to be a real ad
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I want JPow to use his full range of tools on me ๐Ÿ˜ซ

I want JPow to use his full range of tools on me ๐Ÿ˜ซ
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

WSB Choose your fighter

Choose your fighter Alex Magikarp ๐ŸŸ Elon TechnoCuckLord ๐Ÿค–+๐Ÿคด Jeff Divorcedzos ๐Ÿ’” Salmonella ๐Ÿ” Nutella ๐Ÿซ Bill "HELL Giga GUH is coming" Clownman ๐Ÿคก Chamath, "I'm abouta fuck shit up" Papaya ๐Ÿˆ Ryan Cocken your butthole ๐Ÿฅ’๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿฅ’ Z ๐Ÿฅ’ U ๐Ÿฅ’ C ๐Ÿฅ’ C ๐Ÿฅ’ Tim ๐ŸŽ Bottom ๐Ÿ…ฑ๏ธENIS Jack Ma MIA ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ Cathie "A prayer a day keeps the ๐Ÿปs' away" or "Jesus, take my buying power" Woods ๐Ÿ™โœ๏ธ
March 2021

WallStreetBets

I challenge you to โ€œTurtle Kingโ€

Before my ban, someone challenged me to a duel with cocks. I challenge you to โ€œTurtle Kingโ€ instead. We each dock our unhardened cocks into each other, then we put on clips of Yellen speaking during FOMC meetings. The first to effectively go from flaccid to erect and push the other out of the โ€œdockโ€ is crowned Turtle ๐Ÿคด. Dual me, Iโ€™m 4-0.
October 2021

WallStreetBets

So Iโ€™m an AMC shareholder

So Iโ€™m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I canโ€™t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now Iโ€™m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

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