[Copypasta] I tried to go help

Damn saw this one guy getting beat up by 2 other dudes today so I tried to go help, didn’t stand a chance against the 3 of us.
March 2021
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Oh my gourd, I am financially ruined (agricultural futures)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry. After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring. At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel. The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined everything. To top it off, the gourds in this shipment were absolutely gargantuan, some topping 4 pounds each, causing the price-per-pound to drop like an anchor into the range of 6 cents per pound. I am ruined.
January 2021

Classic

WallStreetBets

I released white fluid from my penis

Hello reddit, today I was rubbing my penis very fast with my hand then all of a sudden this massive release of white fluid came out of my penis, I searched up on google 'white fluid discharge from penis' and the results said I had a UTI. Could anyone figure out what came out of my penis?
November 2021

NSFW

It's funny seeing the minds in chat

twitchquotes: It's funny seeing the "minds" in chat entertained by a virtual children’s card game. 🀣 Whenever you idiots β€œPog Champ,” I am reading the works of Plato, etc. Guess who will get a better job in 5 years?
twitch chat
March 2018

Classic

Hearthstone

Put shoe on head to prove not pre-recorded

twitchquotes: γƒ½ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½οΎ‰ PUT SHOE ON HEAD TO PROVE NOT PRE-RECORDED γƒ½ΰΌΌΰΊˆΩ„ΝœΰΊˆΰΌ½οΎ‰
twitch chat
August 2015

Classic

Helicopter just dropped down to say

damn this shit crazy dawg but β–¬β–¬β–¬β–¬β–¬.β—™.β–¬β–¬β–¬β–¬β–¬ β–‚β–„β–„β–“β–„β–„β–‚ β—’β—€β–ˆβ–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„ β—’β—€ β–ˆβ–„ β–ˆ β–ˆβ–„ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€ ╬ β—₯ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β—€ ══╩══╩═ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ just dropped down to say ╬═╬ ╬═╬ You hella gay, no cap ╬═╬ ☻/ ╬═╬ /β–Œ ╬═╬ / \
December 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing