[Copypasta] How to have sex and still be a virgin

You see if you have sex with another virgin you're therefore taking their virginity and they are taking your virginity so it's a win-win and you can still use Reddit
March 2021
I used to be a real ad
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I've been unvaccinated for 9 months now

I've been unvaccinated for 9 months now, moving from place to place, keeping ahead of the vaxmaxers, never staying anywhere too long, never letting my face become known. "It's great being vaxmaxed isn't it" the shopkeep says vacantly, to nobody in particular. In keeping with the act I reply to the Heinz Baked Beans Substitute 6 Pack (No Plastic) in my hand, something unrelated, with what I hope is a slightly bemused tone. It takes a lot longer to do my shopping these days, I can't simply march through the shop in an orderly fashion, taking what I need in a single trip, I have to absent mindedly shuffle back and forward between the aisles, never really displaying any intent. As unpresent as they are, the vaxmaxed would notice if I was too focused, too alert. A loud smashing sound in the distance almost blows my cover, I notice, and focus on the sound. The vaxmaxed around me slowly aim their distant gaze on me, but I'm able to save myself, I continue my neck jerk and turn it in to a series of spasms, I drop to the floor convulsing, the vaxmaxed around me quickly lose interest and continue on with their day. "That means it's working" one elderly lady comments to her milk as she passes. I continue the charade long enough to filter out most of the vaxmaxed sharing the aisle. It takes a while, and no insubstantial amount of sweat on my part, but I make it to the checkout. A morbidly obese woman directs the horde at the tills, seemingly oblivious to the cacophony of aberrant scan noises and blinking red lights above the entirely self service super checkout. I wait dutifully, not wanting to be noticed, not wanting to be set upon by the Asda Security Vax Checker team, it had taken all my best bluffing to get past them at the door, I almost chuckled when they believed my vax card was in the post but it was quickly stifled, a chuckled would have given me away, a chuckle would have seen me held down and injected with science juice.
April 2022

COVID

Coronavirus

I Summon Fish Moley

twitchquotes: FishMoley By FishMoley All FishMoley That FishMoley Is FishMoley Holy FishMoley I FishMoley Summon FishMoley Fish FishMoley Moley
twitch chat
June 2017

Kripp gets in trouble exploiting Noz and jousting

twitchquotes: (Β·ΜΏΔΉΜ―Β·ΜΏ ΜΏ)" Kripp, This is Officer Dongerino of the Blizzard PD. We need to question you about your Noz deck and jousting exploit. If any of you copy and paste this, you will be subject to banning from Blizzard games forever. Come with me, Kripp (Β·ΜΏΔΉΜ―Β·ΜΏ ΜΏ)
twitch chat
September 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

Rania came to the wrong dongerhood

twitchquotes: ΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊ ΰΌ½ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊ ΰΌ½ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊ ΰΌ½ YOU CAME TO THE WRONG DONGERHOOD, RANIA ΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊΰΌΌ ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊ ΰΌ½ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊ ΰΌ½ΒΊΩ„ΝŸΒΊ ΰΌ½
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Ape

β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’ β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–Œβ– β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œβ– β–β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’ β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’ β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–„β–„β–’β–’β–„β–„β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–€β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–’β–’β–ˆβ–ˆβ–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’β–’β–’ β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–’β–’β–’
ascii art
February 2015
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