[Copypasta] its 3 am and i fucked up really bad

I was hungry so i decided to eat some bbq wings and watch some anime. there was about 6 of it and i ate 3 and a half. that was when i started to feel a bit funky on my hand and mouth, and i thought to myself "wow, these bacteria are extra rough today". i used the flashlight on my phone to see what was going on and there was an army of ants covering my hands and i shit you not, i cough once and my mouth is a shotgun that shoots ants as bullets. i was covered in fear and ants and the urge to scream, but the fear of asian parents is stronger. i can only cry silently in a dark and quiet room, all alone, while being violated by ants.
April 2021
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More Copypastas

I think my child might be british

I think my child might be british. Where did I go wrong in all of this??? What steps can I take to save him? I noticed it back in July when he seemed grumpy for our fourth of july picnic. Since then, he's been steadily getting a south L*ndon accent, drinking tea, and watching soccer. The other day I heard him call one of his friends "bruv" on the phone (which he now calls the TELLY for fucks sake!) WHAT DO I DO???
March 2021

British People

Kripp with sunglasses

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–“β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–“β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–€β–“β–„β–‘ ░▐▓▒░▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▒▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▓ β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘ β–‘β–β–“β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–‘β–β–“β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘ β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–Œ β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–“β–“β–€β–€β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–“β–“β–’β–’β–Œ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–“β–“β–“β–“β–’β–“β–“β–“β–“β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–„β–„β–„β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–Œβ–‘ β–‘β–„β–„β–“β–“β–’β–“β–„β–“β–“β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β–€β–’β–„
January 2015
Kripp

We blizzard care much about the player experience

twitchquotes: We blizzard care much about the player experience. For this reason, we're changing the card Ultimate Infestation as follows: Deal 5 damage, gain 5 armor, summon 3 JADE GOLEMS, Add 5 Jade Idol to your hand. I'm Ben Brode, hope you still like my raps!
twitch chat
September 2017

Hearthstone

I’m paying to shoot like Wardell not Whiffdell

πŸ“žHello?πŸ“žIs this the OP Academy?πŸ“žI would like a refund pleaseπŸ“žI’m paying to shoot like Wardell not WhiffdellπŸ“žHe do missπŸ“ž
June 2021
WARDELL

Valorant

Hey Nairo this is your cat

twitchquotes: Hello @NairoMK , this is your cat, Mr. Fluffers, I heard that you were complaining about my excessive meowing. I don't complain about having to hear you talk to yourself for 8 hours while playing that stupid game so I expect the same. Come here and feed me scrub CoolCat
twitch chat
September 2018
NairoMK
Text-to-Speech Playing