[Copypasta] Sheldon says BAZINGA

"I've never been a fan of Internet Explorer" Crowd laughs nervously and a few grunts are heard from the back seats as people edge closer to hear the punchline. "Why not? Don't you like the internet?" The crowd suddenly stands up, aware that they are about to receive what they came for. People slowly edge closer to the set as Sheldon prepares for his next line. Sweat is clearly visible on his brow and his mouth is quivering in anticipation as he readies himself for what is about to happen. "I just prefer Firefox because, like the fox, I am cunning and nimble." The crowd suddenly surges forward as the words escape Sheldon's mouth. They are so powerful, they almost shake the very foundations of the CBS studios. He watches as, in what he perceives as slow motion, the crowd moves toward his fragile body. He has been preparing for this moment his whole life. This is his moment. This is his Emmy. This is his Golden Globe. This is even his Oscar. The crowd converges around him so quickly they ignore the trampled cries of Leonard and Penny, who now lie shaking on the floor, their bones crushed by the sheer mass of the crowd. Sheldon stares back at the eyes around him. What he sees are no longer people. What he sees is the human psyche stripped down to its core. Their lives, what they were before this moment has been forgotten. Ravenous. Hungry. They want one thing from him. Sheldon closes his eyes, clears his mind and relaxes his body. What happens next depends completely on the next few seconds. The time between this and what he mutters next feels like an eternity. Slowly, he opens his eyes. He looks at Leonard, then at Penny, both lying lifeless on the floor. Without a second thought, he says with resounding conviction... "BAZINGA" In a split second, the crowd pounces on his ready and waiting body. Man, woman, child all at once. Sheldon cries out in complete ecstasy as they consume his flesh. He stops suddenly, as he drifts into eternal slumber. Peace at last.
April 2021
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

TIFU: Losing my Virginity to a Water Slide

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them. Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem. At the time my girlfriend, now FiancΓ©e, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day. While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made. Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that! Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
August 2021

Classic

Cybrix virus strikes with thin crust of pizza

twitchquotes: Hello my name is Pepperino Connors this will be my 127th day since the CYBRIX virus striked the Capitols of every importante cities of the World with thin crust of pizza. If someone would have warned us about this madness we could have saved the 0.000000001% of the population. Pls copy this madnerinos to warn them of the imninent threat
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

Ok, so I main Mercy

twitchquotes: Ok, so I main Mercy all I see is a bunch of posts and comments basically talking shit about Mercy mains. But let me tell you something, you need us. Honestly, do you think it's easy playing Mercy or something? Every time I hear "I need healing" it feels like a synapse in my brain just snapped. Like do you think I'm fucking blind or something? Do you not think I can see the big red target saying "CRITICAL"?? and you guys have the audacity to talk down on us Mercy mains.
twitch chat
June 2017

Overwatch

V for Vendatta

β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–“β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β–“β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ•¬β•¬β•¬β•¬β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ
September 2021

Kurumx and Soju fanfic

twitchquotes: "THIS GAME IS FUCKIN GARBAGE!" Kurum yelled, voice cracking slightly in exasperation. "What's wrong Huney-Krum?" Soju called out from the kitchen. "I JUST WENT 5TH TO A FUCKIN BOT... and what the hell did you call me, bowl cut?" Kurum responded, still fuming. "Well, you told me if I called you 'My little Krummy Wummy' one more time you were gonna kick my ass..." Soju pouted, his head peeking around the kitchen door frame "Look, if you take a little break, I know where you can still be top 1..
twitch chat
February 2021
k3soju

Teamfight Tactics

Text-to-Speech Playing