[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

A chef explaining why air fryers are a scam on r/unpopularopinion

As a chef, itโ€™s an insult to hear โ€œair fryers are as good as fryingโ€. Air fryers are fucking bullshit scams and are just convection ovens with an extra fan added. Seriously, pan searing or regular baking will always be better. I swear to shit Jared if I hear you compare fried chicken to air fried chicken one more time Iโ€™m gonna smack the gob out of you. Edit: Iโ€™m in danger, I never realized how deep the air fryer fandom goes. I will die on this hill Edit2: Iโ€™ll never stop upvoting and loving you all butโ€ฆ but Iโ€™m just gonna go cry about something totally different.. Edit3: i think id be a lot less upset if it was called an โ€œextra air ovenโ€ as its a convection oven with extra fans. Edit4: if I had a dollar for every comment โ€œyou clearly donโ€™t own an air fryerโ€ Iโ€™d be able to put it towards a new toaster oven. Edit5: the chances of getting doxxed over kitchen appliances isnโ€™t high.. but never zero. Edit6: apparently air fryers are taking my job? Sorry boys and girls, no more foi gras for the rich.
November 2021

I despise any streamer that isn't MOONMOON

twitchquotes: I despise with a burning acidic passion any streamer that isn't MOONMOON. Every night I print out an 8.5 x 11" picture of a streamer that is not MOONMOON and wipe my ass with it.Honestly, anyone who watches any streamer except forMOONMOON deserves to be tarred, and feathered, then burned at the stake. That's how fucking much I HATE stramers. (Besides MOONMOON, of course).
twitch chat
March 2017
MOONMOON

Overwatch

IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING JOJO REFERENCE?

โ€ผ๏ธHOLY FUCKING SHITโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING JOJO REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ JOJO IS THE BEST FUCKING ANIME ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ JOSUKE IS SO BADASSSSS ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿ‘Š ORAORAORAORAORALORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿ˜กWRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo!๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo! ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ ๐Ÿ—ฟ Oh youโ€™re approaching meโ“โ“โ“โ“โ“โ“โ“โ“โ“โ“But it was me, Dioโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
August 2021

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Cinco de Mayo Emoji Pasta v2

It's Cinco de mayo... ๐Ÿ‘€๐ŸŒฎ๐ŸŽ‰ but all I want ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป is cinco DICKS ๐ŸŒฏ in my May-OUTH ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ’ฆ Today the SEXicans ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ beat the French ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท at the Battle of Puebla ๐Ÿ”ซโ˜  and now you're gonna get your piรฑata beat ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜ฉ with a huge stick ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐ŸŽ‰ but โ—๏ธONLYโ—๏ธ if you send ๐Ÿ“ฒ this to 5๏ธโƒฃ amigos ๐Ÿ‘ฌ you'd cross borders โžก๏ธ for ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’ฏ Get 5๏ธโƒฃ back ๐Ÿ”™ and you'll find the Juan for you tonight โค๏ธโ˜บ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜
May 2022

Cinco de Mayo

Emoji Pasta

Holiday Emoji

Holiday

SPAM THIS BANANA TO HELP MICHAEL SANTANA

twitchquotes: SPAM ๐ŸŒ THIS ๐ŸŒ BANANA ๐ŸŒ TO ๐ŸŒ HELP ๐ŸŒ MICHAEL ๐ŸŒ SANTANA
twitch chat
November 2018
imaqtpie
Text-to-Speech Playing