[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Think of the saltwater fish

twitchquotes: ( ° ͜ʖ͡°) Hey Kripp, Marine Biologist Gilbin Pastarino here. I come to you on behald of all the salt water creatures of the world as your body seems to have absorbed 99% of the oceans salt. Please thinkerino of the poor fisheroni. Thanks
twitch chat
December 2014
Reynad

Pepe holding up L sign

⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡄⢀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⡤⠀⢤⣤⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢠⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⣿⣿⡿⠟⣋⣉⣙⣻⣿⣶⣿⣦⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⠗⠊⠉⣉⣉⣟⠳⢿⡿⠛⡩⣐⣖⡚⠹⢷⣿⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⠃⣀⡴⡪⠋⣕⡶⢦⠈⠱⠁⠀⣗⢯⣽⣀⣸⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⠈⠁⣋⣤⣀⣿⣽⠿⠓⠂⠒⠒⢋⣉⡥⢚⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠈⣿⢰⡉⠩⠭⣭⣉⣛⣛⣛⣛⣋⣭⠭⠴⠒⣻⡽⠁⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⢿⣄⡈⠉⠓⠒⠲⠦⠤⠴⠶⠒⠒⠒⣚⣩⣏⢀⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠈⢻⡙⠳⠦⠤⢤⡤⠶⠶⠶⠶⠖⠋⠉⠀⠾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢳⡾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2020

Pepe

Fruit towers

twitchquotes: 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑 🍊 🍋 🍍 🍐 🍏 🐬 🐳 🍇 🍆 🐙 🌷 🐷 🍎 🍓 🍑
twitch chat
August 2018

Cattarrian warns Pupparrian

twitchquotes: "Welcome to your new home,” says the Kripp as he carries the Pupparrian in his bony arms. The puppy leaps from his uncomfortable position onto the ground and begins to run around. Soon, he grows tired and goes to bed. That night, a ghostly cat visits the Pupparrian in his sleep. “Flee,” warns the Cattarrian, “The Kripp plans on eating you, as he once ate me.”
twitch chat
February 2016
Kripp

I cannot wait to see RED BULL BARON POWER PLAY

twitchquotes: I cannot wait to see RED BULL BARON POWER PLAY, after they won the GRUB HUB teamfight. Maybe they can get those HONDA turrets, too! After they win the game, I can go tweet to get on their VERIZON all chat during the STATE FARM analyst desk
twitch chat
June 2021
LCS

League of Legends

sellout

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