[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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Can we stop bullying Doc???

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we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce

gf is prego we like to get kinky anyways one night things get particularly saucy i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering ohshitohshitohshitohshit i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital she's still bleeding everywhere by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything he takes one look at ther and says "sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" "WHY THE FUCK NOT???" "we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
February 2021

Classic

I'm a 13 year old atheist

twitchquotes: I'm a 13 year old atheist and it's funny seeing the 'minds' in twitch chat entertained by a children's videogame lmao. Whenever you idiots "Pog Champ" or "OMEGA LUL", I am studying the works of Plato, Sun Tzu, Richard and Mortimer etc. and expanding my knowledge. Guess who will have the better job in 10 years?
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Vandelar from the castle jousting team

twitchquotes: Hail Kripp, 'tis I, Vandelar from the castle jousting team. How does life treat you today? I notice you continue to fool around with children's playing cards, some things never change! Art thou still playing the wizard of warcraft children's game? I never had time for such pursuits, for I found myself occupied with defending my honor, and laying with beautiful wenches. Alas, it was nice to see thou again, write me and we shall visit the tavern Kreygasm
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Win any online argument by replying with this

Don't care + didn't ask + L + Ratio + soyjak + beta + cringe + stfu + cope + seethe + ok boomer + incel + virgin + Karen + ๐Ÿคก๐Ÿคก๐Ÿคก + you are not just a clown, you are the entire circus + ๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿ’… + nah this ain't it + do better + check your privilege + pronouns in bio + anime pfp + ๐Ÿคข๐Ÿคข๐Ÿคฎ๐Ÿคฎ + the cognitive dissonance is real with this one + small dick energy + ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ + lol copium + snowflake + ๐Ÿšฉ๐Ÿšฉ๐Ÿšฉ + those tears taste delicious + Lisa Simpson meme template saying that your opinion is wrong + ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿง๐Ÿคจ + wojak meme in which I'm the chad + average your opinion fan vs average my opinion enjoyer + random k-pop fancam + cry more + how's your wife's boyfriend doing + Cheetos breath + Intelligence 0 + r/whooooosh + r/downvotedtooblivion + blocked and reported + yo Momma so fat + I fucked your mom last night + what zero pussy does to a mf + Jesse what the fuck are you talking about + holy shit go touch some grass + cry about it + get triggered
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Reddit

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