[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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More Copypastas

Hello Moonman or whatever your name is

twitchquotes: Hello Moonman or whatever your name is, I just wanted to tell you to please stop ruining my chat experience with these "smugs" and "smegs" and what not. Honestly, I find them absolutely infuriating to see in every chatroom I stumble upon. Fuck that dumb purple lady.
twitch chat
June 2017
MOONMOON

forsenSheffy

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡤⢲⠤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻ ⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⢀⣞⣱⣜⣶⢱⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢨ ⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣝⣿⣿⣷⣸⢰⣿⣷⡃⠄⠄⠄⣠⣾ ⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠨⠿⠿⢿⠿⡿⣿⣿⠅⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿ ⣷⣄⡀⠄⠄⣠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠰⣿⣥⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⣰⣶⠆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠾⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠠⠚⣉⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠰⣢⣴⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⢰⣶⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⣷⣤⡄⣶⣿⣿⣁⠒⠤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠑⣮⣻⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⡟⢩⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣦⣤⣤⠄⠄⠚⠈⠁⠘⣤⣀⣠⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⢈⣀⠄⠄⠄⢤⡙⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠰⠺⠁⠄⠄⢀⣀⣿⡤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣨⠉⠉⠄⣾⣿⣿⡗⠁⠄⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
November 2021
Forsen

Emote

Anduin and Uther

twitchquotes: Anduin is standing outside, looking through the window. He sees how Ben Brode SCAMAZes Tyrande. A small tear runs down his face. "Since Tyrande is the new Priest hero, nobody will ever fulfill my wishes and desires..." A muscular hand lays down on Anduin's shoulder. He turns around and gasps. It's Uther, the Lightbringer himself. "Don't worry, I will make sure you will get my Blessing of Might". Anduin's sorrow immediatly vanishes as he is about to receive his blessing. Uther smirks and reveals his 5/3 Assbringer. "Wow..." Anduin says. Uther slams his Assbringer into Anduin's 1/1 Lightspawn. "Well Played" Uther yells as he Consecrates all over Anduin's face. "BY THE HOLY LIGHT!"
twitch chat
October 2016

Hearthstone

Twitch Should Ban The Term “Live-Streaming”

twitchquotes: Twitch Should Ban The Term “Live-Streaming”. It’s offensive to dead people. My great grandparents are dead and I would like to show them some respect and have twitch ban the term “live-streaming”. It’s a slur used against dead people
twitch chat
December 2020

7/11 was a part time job

twitchquotes: deIlluminati 7/11 was a part time job deIlluminati
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing