[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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im dropping my uwus all over the place

twitchquotes: ᡘʷᡘ oh frick ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ frick sorry guys ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ sorry im dropping ᡘʷᡘ my uwus all over the ᡘʷᡘ place ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ ᡘʷᡘ sorry
twitch chat
July 2019

Weebs

"Your roadhog is insane." Seagull said

twitchquotes: "Your roadhog is insane." Seagull said, as he slipped his feminine hand into Moon's pants and smirked. "Are you trying to insert your payload?" protests Moon, as Seagull blushes, the boyish figure undressed before Moon. "Weak tank play, Moon." The two kissed, deeply and passionately, and afterwards Seagull charges like Reinhardt through Moon’s symmetra portal.
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August 2017
MOONMOON

Overwatch

i graduated top of my class from burger king

twitchquotes: you fucking vegan, ill have you know i graduated top of my class from burger king university in burger flipping and have flipped over 9000 burgers in my day you dumb vegan, but you wouldn't know that would you you soy muncher? If you said that to my face I would be flipping patties all over your vegan face and you'd be full of my meat before you even knew what was happening.
twitch chat
September 2017
Kripp

Obama Not Bad

β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘ β–β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘ β–‘β–Œβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘ β–β–€β–€β–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘ β–β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β•β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β•β•β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–€β–‘β–„β–€β–Œβ–Œ β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œ β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–‘β–Œβ–Œ β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–„β–€β–€β–„β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–€β–β–β–‘ β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–€β–β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–„β•β•β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–Œβ–€β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–„β–„ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–„β–Œβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„ β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
July 2015

Art of Conquest is my favorite game!

twitchquotes: Art of Conquest is my favorite game! (Thanks for agreeing to post some positive feedback about our game. Just post this in Kripp's Twitch chat as often as possible. Make sure to remove this message before you post it. Thanks! -Art of Conquest Team)
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

sellout

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