[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Honestly, that's what Icall a cool story bro

twitchquotes: Honestly, that's what Icall a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy andpasted itto word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells
twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad

Discord made me racist

Last time when I was 9 years old, my 29 years old roblox friend told me to download an app called discord. So after using discord for 3 years, I found multiple racist servers that I joined. They all send nazi and geroge floyd. They say n word and shit and now I say the n word too. I think saying n word is so funny. I say heil hitler too 😂😂😂 Everytime I post gore, me and the boys can’t stop laughing. We jack off to fortnite sex too. I am now racist and a nazi 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
June 2021

Discord

xqcJuice

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣄⡀⣀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀ ⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⡟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⠙⠛⠉⠁⠀ ⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠶⠾⠿⠶⠾⠷⠖⠒⠚⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠄⣴⠒⠶⠶⢾⣿⣶ ⣴⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡶⠂⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⠋⠃⢾⠃⠀⠀⡦⠀⣹⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣦⣴⣾⢇⣀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⣼⣷⣶⣶⣿⣿⠟⠃ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀ ⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣩⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀ ⡀⣺⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⢰⣶⣶⣶⣶⠙⡛⠛⠀ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡶⠶⠌⠛⠃⢋⠀⠀ ⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣛⠋⢠⣤⡀⠲⣾⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠃⠈⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡌⣿⣿⣦⣄⠙⠁⣔⣴⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿
April 2021
xQcOW

This guy's hop is CRAZY

twitchquotes: This guy's hop is CRAZY OSFrog . My croak can't compete against a ribbit like that OSFrog . He lived in the correct swamp OSFrog . He needed precisely those two lily pads to beat me OSFrog . There were no flies I could catch OSFrog . He had the perfect tadpole OSFrog.
twitch chat
July 2015
Kripp

Nairo Quesadilla stop bullying kids

twitchquotes: Alright, Nario Quesadilla. You had your fun bullying kids on quickplay and making them salty. Hope you feel proud, you’re not making ult online any better, personally I’m going back at watching VoiD.
twitch chat
April 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing