[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Bike

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–„โ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆ โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘
ascii art
July 2018

I want to be Kripp's knee

twitchquotes: ๏ผท๏ฝˆ๏ฝ…๏ฝŽ ๏ผฉ ๏ฝ“๏ฝ…๏ฝ… ๏ผซ๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ผ‡๏ฝ“ ๏ฝ‹๏ฝŽ๏ฝ…๏ฝ…๏ผŒ ๏ผฉ ๏ฝ—๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ” ๏ฝ”๏ฝ ๏ฝŒ๏ฝ‰๏ฝƒ๏ฝ‹ ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ‹๏ฝŽ๏ฝ…๏ฝ…๏ผŽ ๏ผฉ ๏ฝ—๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ” ๏ฝ”๏ฝ ๏ฝŒ๏ฝ‰๏ฝ–๏ฝ… ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ‹๏ฝŽ๏ฝ…๏ฝ…๏ผŽ ๏ผฉ ๏ฝ—๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ” ๏ฝ”๏ฝ ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ… ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ‹๏ฝŽ๏ฝ…๏ฝ…๏ผŽ ๏ผฉ ๏ฝ—๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ” ๏ฝ”๏ฝ ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ… ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ‹๏ฝŽ๏ฝ…๏ฝ… ๏ฝ†๏ฝ’๏ฝ…๏ฝ…๏ผŽ ๏ผฐ๏ฝŒ๏ฝ…๏ฝ๏ฝ“๏ฝ… ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ ๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ™ ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ“๏ฝ”๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ ๏ฝ„๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ‡๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ…๏ฝ’๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ๏ผŽ
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Hello Kripp, I am Pappargoth the Ancient

twitchquotes: โ•ญ(โ—•โ—• โ—‰เทดโ—‰ โ—•โ—•)โ•ฎ Hello Kripp, I am Pappargoth the Ancient, an Alien from the Planet Hardcore. We sent you to Earth, where your hardcore-ness would conquer the planet. We see you have failed in the mission and become casual.
twitch chat
May 2015
Kripp

Times change...

twitchquotes: Laying on the ground, devastated by the news my beloved Kripp has joined TSM, a hooded figure approaches, kneels down, grabs me by the shoulder. โ€œThis was not his destiny.โ€ I said, holding back the tears. I look up, the stranger removes his hood and looks me in the eye, โ€œTimes Changeโ€ฆโ€ says Trump, as he pushes me to the ground. This wasnโ€™t supposed to happen. BibleThump
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Intelligence and tolerance

twitchquotes: This is the best possible chat. The combination of inteligence and tolerance, it's just crazy. I never thought I'd ever say this, but you guys make me proud I'm a member of twitch chat. Kappa
twitch chat
December 2014
Forsen
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing