[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Strong cringe feeling overflowing me

twitchquotes: Every time you reach out your hand to your webcam and lower your voice there is a strong cringe feeling overflowing me like a zoo lock overflows the board and there is no way I can handle it
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

Lucina is a deep, complex, and intricate

twitchquotes: Lucina is one of the most deep, complex, and intricate characters in fighting game history and Zackray is an absolute hero for gracing us with his iteration of her
twitch chat
April 2019

Super Smash Bros

A physicist called Octavian

twitchquotes: The year is 2027. A physicist called Octavian has created the first inter-dimensional portal capable of exploring alternate galaxies. "Finally, I have done it..." he says as he steps into the portal. He enters a room where he sees himself giving a "Brofist" to his computer. His only reaction: " FailFish ".
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

Ok, so I basically fucked my bedroom door.

January 2021

Under the sea

twitchquotes: 🎵Under the sea🎵 🎵Under the sea🎵 🧜‍Darling it's better 👇 Down where it's wetter 🌊 Take it from 🦀me 😍 Up ☝️ on the 🏖 shore they 👔work all day😅 Out in the 🌞sun they slave away 💦While we devotin' 🐠 Full time to floatin 🏊🏽 🎵Under the sea🎵
twitch chat
October 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing