[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

🗿 is the worst emoji

🗿 is the worst emoji. It's horrendous and ugly. I hate it. The point of emojis is to show emotions, but what emotion does this show? Do you just wake up in the morning and think "wow, I really feel like a massive fucking stone today"? It's useless. I hate it. It just provokes a deep rooted anger within me whenever I see it. I want to drive on over to the fucking emoji headquarters and kill it. If this was the emoji movie I'd push it off a fucking cliff. People just comment 🗿 as if it's funny. It's not. 🗿 deserves to die. He deserves to have his smug little stone face smashed in with a hammer. Oh wow, it's a stone head, how fucking hilarious, I'll use it in every comment I post. NO. STOP IT. It deserves to burn in hell. Why is it so goddamn smug. You're a fucking stone, you have no life goals, you will never accomplish anything in life apart from pissing me off. When you die noone will mourn. I hope you die.
April 2021

Twitch Chat is the most elusive substance known to man

twitchquotes: 420/69 scientists agree that Twitch Chat is the most elusive substance known to man. The All-Knowing Twitch Chat flows through the very fabric of space and time. Twitch Chat is very unpredictable. What will Twitch Chat copy/pasta next? Nobody knows. Maybe the elusive Twitch Chat will copy/pasta this very message. Just remember, Twitch Chat knows all, and Twitch Chat is always right.
twitch chat
May 2017

WEEB pyramid

VoHiYo only real WEEB can build this perfect pyramid  VoHiYo  VoHiYo . Try like me !Try like me ! Try like me !!  VoHiYo  VoHiYo  VoHiYo And my pyramid still higher!!!!!!  VoHiYo  VoHiYo  VoHiYo  VoHiYo
twitch chat
June 2016

Weebs

Classic

I hate April Fool's Day

I’m fucking shaking and crying right now y’all, and people aren’t taking me seriously. This is a DUMB FUCKING HOLIDAY, where people say shit that ISN’T FUCKING REAL for NO REASON. I’ve cut off 8 family members already for falling for this shriveled up, half-assed ANNUAL CORPORATE FIG LEAF like the NPC SHEEP THEY ARE. Maybe if they listened to REAL COMEDY like Bill Maher or political satire that validates what I already believe in, they’d be WORTHY OF INTERACTING WITH. BUT NO, I have to scroll through my timeline, seething, wailing and gnashing my teeth as I’m BOMBARDED BY LOW EFFORT CORNY CAPITALIST PROPOGANDA. THIS IS A SERIOUS DAY. I’m allowed to be this pressed about ha-ha corny joke day because IT’S SERIOUS FOR ME AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE FOR EVERYONE. My great uncle was tragically flattened while trying to rob a coca-cola vending machine on this date, and PEOPLE ARE STILL MAKING CORNU FUKUNG JOKES. I’ve had enough
April 2021

HYPE cat

⠀⢀⣤⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⡤⢤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢸⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠃⠈⢹⠀⠀⢸⡛⠏⠙⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔⠋⡟⡧⠀⠀⡟⠁⠙⢛⣁⠀⠀⠈⠛⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠛⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣷⠀⠀ ⠀⠸⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡼⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠳⡀⠀⠀⠙⢦⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⠀⢀⡞⠁⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⢸⠉⠉⠓⢢⡀⠀⢳⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⠀⠀⡖⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠚⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⠀⠀⠀⠑⣤⠴⠋⠀⠀⣰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⡧⠀⠸⡆⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠳⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⢸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⣄⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⢀⡜⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⣇⣀⣀⣠⠴⠃⠀⢰⠃⢀⣀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡖⠢⠤⠤⠤⢤⡀⠀⠀⢸⠀⣤⣴⣶⣦⣄⠀⠘⡆⠀⠀⠀⢠⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⠴⢃⣾⣿⣿⣿⢸⠀⠀⣼⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡇⠀⠀⢸⡄⣿⠟⠙⢿⣿⣧⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⣴⠒⠚⠋⠉⢀⣴⣿⣿⠟⢁⡜⢸⠀⠀⠹⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⡆⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⢸⠇⡏⠸⡆⠀⢻⣿⡇⣇⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⡿⠁⠀⣾⠸⡸⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠉⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⢳⡀⠀⣼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⠤⠤⢞⡼⠁⠀⣷⠀⠀⢻⣧⢿⠀⠀⢀⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⣐⣠⠎⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⢰⡇⠀⠳⣝⠦⠤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡴⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣷⢞⠞⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢻⣮⣓⠒⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⣾⠀⠀⠀⠈⠹⡰⣶⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⢋⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⢠⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢣⢻⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⠃⡜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡎⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⠇⡞⠀⠀⠠⣾⠛⠲⣤⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⣹⠈⠉⠉⢻⠉⠉⠙⡿⠛⠛⠛⡟⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⡴⠚⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢣⢸⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⡟⢸⠀⠀⣠⡶⠚⠓⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⡼⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠗⠒⠦⡀⠀⠸⡈⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⡿⠀⢈⠀⣼⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣧⠀⠀⢠⠇⠀⠀⠀⢳⡀⠀⢀⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣄⣠⠇⢹⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⠃⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⠴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠓⠦⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣴⣶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣸⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣶⡄⣠⠴⠚⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⢦⡀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⠿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠏⠁⠀⣸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣦⠀⠙⢆⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣹⣿⣧⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢉⠎⠀⠀⣴⠏⠻⢦⣤⡴⠞⠻⢶⣤⣤⣤⡿⢷⡄⠈⢧⠀⠀⠈⠻⢿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣶⣿⣿⣷⣆⠀ ⢠⣴⣿⠟⠋⠉⠛⠷⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠁⠀⠀⡜⠀⠀⣼⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⡄⠈⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠉⢹⣿⡄ ⢸⣿⡏⠀⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠙⢷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⢠⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⡿⠋⢁⡠⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣧ ⢸⣿⠀⢰⠋⠀⠀⠈⢳⡀⠀⠙⢷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢧⠀⠘⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡇⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⡿⠋⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠈⢣⠀⠀⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠹⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡄⠀⠻⣆⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡿⠀⠀⡎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⠏⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⠀⠀⠑⢄⣀⡠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⣄⠀⠙⠳⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⡾⠛⠁⢀⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠲⠤⠤⠤⠎⠀⢠⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⢷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⢄⡀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⢀⠴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡼⠃⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡿ ⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠈⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠒⠦⢤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⠤⠔⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠾⡀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⡇ ⠸⣿⣇⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡎⠀⠘⡞⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔⠁⠀⢣⠀⠈⢆⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⢫⣿⣿⠁ ⠀⣿⣿⡀⠈⠓⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠞⠀⠀⡼⠁⠀⠙⠑⠒⠦⠤⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⢀⠤⠔⠋⠀⠀⠀⠈⢧⠀⠀⠉⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⠉⠀⣼⣿⠇⠀ ⠀⢸⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡜⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣈⠑⣄⠀⢀⡤⠔⠊⠁⠧⣠⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⡿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠖⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠒⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣄⣀⣀⣀⡤⠴⠒⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠓⠦⢤⣀⣀⣰⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀
February 2024
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