[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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I am Admiral Akbar, commander of the Somalian Piraterinos

twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

I just screenshotted your NFT FAQ (Reddit)

I just screenshotted your NFT. You may be concerned about this. In case you are, please read the below: # FAQ: ## Why did you screenshot my NFT? I'm not going to tell you. ## Did you screenshot anybody else's NFTs? You could say I am screenshotting everybody's NFTs, but in the case I am telling you that I screenshotted your NFT. ## How are you screenshotting my NFTs? I screenshot when you post them on your profile. ## What are you planning to do with my NFTs? Have them all. ## What do I do about you screenshotting my NFTs? There's nothing you can do. ## When are you going to stop screenshotting my NFTs? You cannot escape me. ## Do I call the police? No. The authorities will not help you. ## What are the consequences of you screenshotting my NFTs? Be aware. ## What if I am ok with you screenshotting my NFTs? I will make sure you’re not. If there are any more questions then please consult your NFT wallet by directly speaking to it. ## Summary: I am screenshotting your NFTs.
November 2021

FREE CHAT FROM SLOW MODE

⠀⣿⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⣿⡟⠛⠛⣿⡆⠀⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⣿⠛⠛⠛⠛ ⠀⣿⣦⣤⣤⠀⠀⣿⣷⣤⣶⡿⠃⠀⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⠀⠀⣿⣦⣤⣤⡤ ⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠈⢻⣧⡀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⠀⠛⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠛⠃⠀⠀⠙⠓⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛ ⠀⣴⠟⠛⠛⣷⡄⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⢰⡿⢿⡄⠀⠘⠛⢻⣿⠛⠛ ⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣷⣤⣤⣾⡇⠀⢀⣿⠃⠸⣿⡀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⠘⣿⣄⠀⢀⣴⡆⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⢹⡇⠀⣼⡿⠿⠿⢿⣧⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⠀⠈⠛⠛⠛⠋⠀⠀⠛⠃⠀⠀⠘⠃⠐⠛⣀⣀⡀⠈⠛⠂⠀⠘⠛ ⠀⣿⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⣿⡟⠛⠛⣿⡆⠀⣰⡿⠛⠛⠻⣶⡀⠀⣿⣿⡄⠀⣸⣿⡇ ⠀⣿⣦⣤⣤⠀⠀⣿⣷⣤⣶⡿⠃⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⣿⠻⣧⢀⡿⢸⡇ ⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠈⢻⣧⡀⠀⢿⣇⠀⠀⢀⣿⠇⠀⣿⠀⢿⣾⡇⢸⡇ ⠀⠛⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠛⠃⠀⠀⠙⠓⠀⠈⢛⣻⣿⠛⠉⠀⠀⠛⠀⠘⠛⠀⠘⠃ ⢀⣾⠛⠛⢻⣦⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠟⠛⠛⢷⣄⠀⣿⡄⠀⣾⣿⡇⠀⢸⡟ ⠀⠻⣷⣶⣤⣀⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⢹⣧⢰⡿⠘⣷⠀⣿⠃ ⢠⣤⠀⠈⢹⣿⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣷⡀⠀⠀⣸⡿⠀⠘⣿⣾⠇⠀⢻⣿⡟ ⠀⠙⠻⠿⠛⠋⠀⠘⠛⠛⠛⣛⣃⡀⠙⠛⠿⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠀⠀⠘⠛⠃ ⠀⣿⣿⡀⠀⣼⣿⡇⠀⣰⡿⠛⠛⠻⣶⡀⠀⣿⡟⠛⠻⣷⡄⠀⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⠃ ⠀⣿⠸⣇⢰⡿⢻⡇⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⢹⣷⠀⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⠀ ⠀⣿⠀⢿⣿⠇⢸⡇⠀⢿⣇⠀⠀⢀⣿⠇⠀⣿⡇⠀⢀⣾⡏⠀⣿⡇ ⠀⠛⠀⠘⠛⠀⠘⠃⠀⠈⠛⠻⠿⠛⠉⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃
September 2020

Only the chosen one can stack these cans!

twitchquotes: DrinkPurple Only the chosen one can stack these cans! PogChamp DrinkPurple but wait PogChamp can you do three cans! PogChamp PogChamp !! DrinkPurple
twitch chat
August 2016

Classic

No, you’re NOT a real gamer.

No, you’re NOT a real gamer. I’m so sick of all these people that think they’re gamers. No, you’re not. Most of you are not even close to being gamers. I see these people saying “I put well over 100 hours in this game, it’s great!” that’s nothing, most of us can easily put 300+ hours in all our games. I see people who only have a Nintendo Switch and claim to be gamers. Come talk to me when you pick up a PS4 controller then we be friends. Also DEAR ALL WOMEN: Pokémon is not a real game. Animal Crossing is not a real game. The Sims is not a real game. Mario is not a real game. Stardew valley is not a real game. Mobile games are NOT.REAL.GAMES. put down the baby games and play something that requires challenge and skill for once. Sincerely, all of the ACTUAL gamers.
June 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing