[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
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Ben Shapiro asks his mom for Robux

Now, let’s say 🗣 hypothetically, you 👆, my mother 👪. Were to give 🎁 me, your 👉 son 🙎‍♂️, your 👉 credit 💸 card 💳 information 👌🏼. So I 👥 could make 🛠 a purchase 💲 of 500 💯 robux 👏 on the Roblox.com/store. Contrary to what my sister 👱‍♀️ will have you 👆 believe 🙅🏻, I 👥 have done ✅ a very ‼ good 👌 job 🙆‍♂️🤵 of doing my chores 🧼, including 📲, but 🍑 not limited 🔒 to; The dishes 😳🍽👈🏼, the laundry and the taking 👊 out the trash ⛹️‍♀️👶🗑.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

Putin should start an OnlyFans to save the Russian economy

Think about it. The Russian economy is in shambles. All assets frozen, there's no money coming in. But if he just spread that hiney for some people who would like it then why not? With a couple butt spread pictures maybe a ruble can be worth more than a potato again. Here are some content ideas that I suggest: Wanking Videos (pretty basic, these are the cheapest ones cuz his dick🍆 is like 1 cm🥜) Body Worship Videos (kinda hot ngl 😳😌😰, all his dick sucking oligarchs oil his body and touch him in ways he never thought possible👉👌👋🤛) Sanction Bukkake (a livestream where in a dick cums on his face every time he gets a sanction🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆💦💦💦💦💦💦💦) Lukashenko Sex Tapes (these are pretty expensive, a collection of Vladdy Daddy and Lukashenskank cumming with every position in the Kamasutra💃🕺♋🏇🐕) Nuke-In-Crack Challenge (the most expensive one! This is where he fills his hole with the invaluable Russian crude oil and tries to fit a Nuclear Warhead up his ass! ⛽☢️🍑🎆) What u guys think?
March 2022

Russian Ukrainian War

Kappa Kappa

Kappa ㅤㅤ Kappa ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ Kappa ㅤ Kappa ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ Kappa  Kappa ㅤㅤAPPAㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ Kappa ㅤ Kappa ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ Kappa ㅤ ㅤ Kappa
twitch chat
August 2016

Hands Up emoji

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⣿⡿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡈⠻⣿⣿⠀⣿⣿⡟⢁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠏⠀⠙⣿⣿⣦⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣿⣿⠋⠀⠹⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⢿⣿ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠛⠉⠉⠿⠉⠉⠛⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣴⣿⣦⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿ ⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣿⣿
February 2020

Look, I can play Death Standing too!

twitchquotes: Look, I can play Death Standing too!: ▲ Enter Private Room > Options > Skip. ▲ Take a Shower > Options > Skip > Options > Skip > Options > Skip. ◉ to Use Toilet (Standing) > Options > Skip. ✖ to Use Toilet (Sitting) > Options > Skip. ▲ Leave Private Room > Options > Skip.
twitch chat
November 2019
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