[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Crewmate Amogus Spiderman

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⡿⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⡿⠛⠻⠷⣶⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⠟⠉⠀⠙⣦⣀⣀⣀⣠⡤⠴⡿⣄⡀⠀⠀⠉⠻⢷⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⣰⠋⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠉⠙⠓⠒⡶⢯⣙⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡟⠀⠀⠀⢀⠞⠁⠀⠈⣳⡤⠤⠴⠚⣟⠛⠒⠒⠒⣺⠳⢤⣀⣉⣻⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡿⠶⠶⣤⣾⡁⠀⠀⢀⡜⠉⣧⣠⣤⣴⣾⣶⠶⠶⠶⠷⣶⣶⣶⣬⣭⣙⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠁⠀⠀⣿⠀⠙⢲⣞⠁⣠⡾⠟⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠻⢷⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⢸⠏⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢷⡄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣶⣶⣦⣾⠃⠀⠀⢠⡇⠀⠀⣸⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡄ ⠀⠀⣠⡿⠿⡄⠀⠀⠈⣿⡀⠀⠀⡼⠀⠀⣴⣃⣤⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇ ⠀⣰⡿⠁⠀⠹⡄⠀⠀⣿⠿⣶⣴⡷⠒⠋⠻⡄⠀⢹⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠃ ⢀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⢹⣀⣴⡏⠀⠀⠙⢿⣦⠀⠀⢹⡄⠀⠻⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣿⠋⠀ ⢸⡿⢧⠀⠀⢀⡼⠯⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣷⡄⠀⣇⡤⠞⠉⠻⢷⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⡇⠈⢧⣠⠎⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⡞⠛⠢⣄⠀⣠⠏⠈⠉⡿⠛⠛⠛⢻⠛⠛⠛⠛⢿⠉⠁⣴⠟⠁⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⠃⠀⡼⠧⣄⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣷⡀⠀⠘⣶⣁⡀⠀⡼⠁⢀⡀⠀⠘⡇⣀⣠⣤⣬⣷⣾⠏⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⣀⡞⠁⠀⠈⢣⡀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣇⠀⡼⠁⠀⠉⣹⠛⠉⠉⡉⠉⢙⣏⠁⠀⠀⠀⣼⡏⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⡿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡾⠁⠀⠀⢀⡇⢠⠂⣜⣠⣤⠸⡟⢣⠀⠀⢰⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⡇⠈⠳⡄⠀⠀⣨⢿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡗⠒⠲⢤⣸⠀⣸⣄⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣞⣠⣤⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⢸⣇⠀⠀⢹⡀⡰⠃⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⣹⢉⡽⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣅⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠀⠀ ⠘⣿⡀⠀⠈⡿⠁⠀⢸⣷⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⡟⠘⡅⢇⢸⣿⣿⠇⡇⡸⠀⠀⣿⠀⢀⣀⣠⣼⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⢻⣇⠀⣰⠛⠒⠦⣼⡇⠀⠀⠉⠉⠙⢻⣷⣦⣼⡏⠉⠓⠦⣿⠤⠵⠾⠾⠿⢿⣸⣯⠧⠖⠚⣿⡾⠟⠋⠉⣹⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⢿⣶⠇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣀⣼⣀⣈⣙⣃⡀⠀⠀⢹⡀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣸⣁⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣶⠶⠿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠈⠻⣷⣄⠀⠀⢘⣧⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⢉⡉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠿⠻⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡷⠶⠶⠶⢶⡶⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣾⡿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣧⣤⣤⣤⣶⣶⠶⠿⠛⠋⠁⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡍⠙⠛⢿⠿⠷⠶⠶⠾⠿⠿⠟⢻⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠉⠁⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣄⣀⣀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡟⠲⢦⣼⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣀⣀⡀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣷⠖⠚⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⠀⠀⡏⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣧⣀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢷⣶⣶⣶⣶⡶⠿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
May 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Troll Face 2

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September 2016

xqcY

⠀⢀⣤⢚⣉⣉⣹⡿⠿⠛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⠛⠳⠶⠶⠬⡙⠿⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣰⠟⣡⠞⢛⣩⣤⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣤⣐⠳⣄⠀⠀ ⣿⠞⣰⣾⣿⣿⠟⢛⣩⣥⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣭⣭⣭⣭⣝⣛⡻⠿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠀ ⡏⣸⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠛⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠶⠉⠻⣿⣦ ⠁⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢤⣤⣤⣤⠤⠤⠾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⢀⡤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣌⢿ ⡆⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡤⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⡿⠻⢰⡞⠀⠀⢠⠈⠛⣿⢸ ⡇⢸⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣾⠀⢀⣀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣷⣀⣀⣷⣤⣤⣶⣶⡿⠃⣸ ⠃⣼⣿⡆⠀⠈⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⣿ ⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⢀⠀⠀⣘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⣿ ⡇⢻⣿⣿⡄⠀⠙⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣻⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢰⣿ ⠛⡌⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⢏⣾⡟ ⡀⢳⡘⣿⣿⣆⠀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣡⣾⡿⠁ ⣧⠘⢷⡘⣿⣿⣆⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠉⣠⣾⣿⠟⠁⠀ ⠋⣷⣾⣷⡌⢿⣿⣷⡀⠉⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣭⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⠟⣡⣾⡄⠀ ⣿⣮⡙⢿⣿⣦⡙⢿⣷⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠿⢛⣡⣴⣾⡿⠟⣩⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⠀
December 2020
xQcOW

lol not actually laughing

twitchquotes: Hi tyler1, i was just wondering as to why you type "lol" in the chat but on camera you are not actually laughing?
twitch chat
March 2019
Tyler1

Guys please be careful before posting

twitchquotes: Guys please be careful before posting, I see some messages posted multiple times by mistake this is actually very annoying and cringe, read chat first to make sure your message wasn't already posted :D
twitch chat
February 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing