[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

bears are always fucked

Last week I went to go outside for a smoke and this other guy was there smoking as well. We got to talking and the talk of options trading came up. I accidentally slipped that I had bought a SPY put to hedge my portfolio. He immediately gets excited takes off his pants and bends over. Didn't realize he was a 🌈🐻 this whole time. Ofcourse I obliged cause bers r always fukkd
April 2021

WallStreetBets

NaM googly eyes

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⣉⣍⠁⠄⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⡩⣍⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢃⣴⡿⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⢷⣝⣞⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⣰⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢯⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣸⣿⠏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣴⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣧⠛⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⣿⣯⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠦⠄⠄⠄⠉⠂⢹⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⡿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣉⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣴⠄⠄⠄⠘⢿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⠆⢹⣿⣿⠏⣰⣿⡿⠟⢻⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⣿⢿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣼⣿⡟⢀⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⣿⢸⣦⡙⠛⠿⠟⠛⠉⣠⣾⣿⣿⡄⠻⣿⣷⣤⣤⣾⣿⡿⠁⡿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠄⠄⠄⢀⠘⢿⣿⣿⠄⠂⠛⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⣾⣿⠄⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠸⣿⣼⡏⠁⠄⠘⢻⡛⢓⡛⣿⣿⡿⣼⣿⣿⢀⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠘⠏⠃⠄⣤⣴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⢻⣾⣿⣿⣧⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣽⣿⠋⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣈⠙⢉⣰⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
January 2019

Ahoy Kripp, ya landlubber

twitchquotes: ୧༼ °͠_▀̿ ༽? Ahoy Kripp, ya landlubber. We request a swashbuckling pirate deck, else ye be walkin the plank. ୧༼ °͠_▀̿ ༽?
twitch chat
August 2015
Kripp

୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨ riot ୧༼ಠ益ಠ༽୨

Troll face 2

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⡴⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⢶⣦⣤⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⡴⠶⠛⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠙⠛⠷⠶⢦⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠞⠉⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⠒⠐⠒⢒⡀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠒⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠋⠀⠀⢀⠀⢊⠥⢐⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢑⠠⢉⠂⢀⠀⠀⠈⢷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠈⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠶⠛⣉⣩⣽⣟⠳⢶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡶⠛⣻⣿⣯⣉⣙⠳⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣠⠞⠋⠀⢁⣤⣤⣤⣌⡁⠀⠛⠛⠉⣉⡍⠙⠛⠶⣤⠿⠀⢸⠀⠀⡇⠀⠻⠶⠞⠛⠉⠩⣍⡉⠉⠋⠀⣈⣤⡤⠤⢤⣄⠀⠈⠳⣄⠀ ⢰⡏⠀⠀⣴⠋⠀⢀⣆⠉⠛⠓⠒⠖⠚⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡾⠀⠀⢻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠒⠒⠛⠛⠉⣰⣆⠀⠈⢷⡀⠀⠘⡇ ⢸⡇⠀⠀⣧⢠⡴⣿⠉⠛⢶⣤⣀⡀⠀⠠⠤⠤⠄⣶⠒⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣘⠛⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⠶⠛⠉⣿⠷⠤⣸⠃⠀⢀⡟ ⠈⢷⡀⠄⠘⠀⠀⠸⣷⣄⡀⠈⣿⠛⠻⠶⢤⣄⣀⡻⠆⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠐⣛⣀⣤⡴⠶⠛⠋⣿⠀⣀⣠⣾⠇⠀⠀⠋⠠⢁⡾⠃ ⠀⠀⠙⢶⡀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⡙⠻⣿⣷⣤⣀⡀⠀⣿⠛⠛⠳⠶⠦⣴⠶⠶⠶⠛⠛⠋⢿⡀⣀⣠⣤⣾⣿⠟⢉⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⠋⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⡄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣤⣼⠉⠙⠻⠿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⣿⡀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣶⣾⣿⠿⠛⠋⠁⢿⣴⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⢠⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣦⡀⠀⠀⣼⠃⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⢿⡀⠀⣀⣴⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⣀⠀⣀⠀⠀⡈⠛⠷⣾⣇⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣼⡷⠾⠋⢁⠀⢀⡀⠀⣀⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠳⣦⣉⠒⠬⣑⠂⢄⡉⠙⠛⠛⠶⠶⠶⠾⠷⠶⠚⠛⠛⠛⠉⣁⠤⢐⡨⠤⢒⣩⡴⠞⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠶⣤⣉⠀⠂⠥⠀⠀⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⠄⠀⠠⠌⠂⢈⣡⡴⠖⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡴⠞⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠳⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠖⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
May 2021

Forsen banned

twitchquotes: Twitch streamer Forsen was banned on May 8th for a misleading stream title "ranking up" when playing Valorant. Twitch strictly forbids false advertisement from streamers on its platform. It's unclear when Forsen will be unbanned but no one watches a washed up streamer anyways.
twitch chat
May 2020
Forsen
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