[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
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Response to someone correcting spelling

whats that? holy shit. holy fucking shit. you fucking genius. did you actually just correct someone's spelling? you fucking madlad. i can't believe i just witnessed one of the greatest achievements in human history right now. i think im gonna cry, im so excited. to be honest, i would suck your dick to reward you for your HUGE contribution to the human race if the line wasnt so long. you know what? fuck it. ill let you fuck my wife. ill pay you to fuck her. only for the slim chance that one of her kids will have a small part of your magnificent iq. ill mortgage my fucking house just so you could have 15 minutes with her, while hoping that your MASSIVE cock won't rip her in half. after that, we should start a religion for you. fuck jesus, the only thing this dick did is resurrect himself. you are entitled to the praise he's getting. we should make you immortal. losing you would mean stopping the human evolution and we would all revert to monkeys, not that we are more than monkeys in your majestic presence. I suggest we go to the UN and tell them to hand over all their authority to you, im sure you can unite all the people of the world just with a single swing of your cock, making the entire population wet in the process. just before that one more thing: can you shut the fuck up? nobody cares about that fucking typo you single chromosomed retarded gnome. I bet you think you are so fucking smart and witty after pointing something that didnt bother anyone. God, you are fucking pretentious, i bet you actually believed all of the text above. Did you think i would let you fuck my wife? She is only 12 you sick paedophile. Im calling the police so you could be tortured for eternity while your remains will be forcibly fed to everybody from your family or anyone even remotely related to you while they are forced to anally fuck a penguin. no, seriously do you think i'm joking? i'll come to your house and fuck your ass with a cactus. not that you would feel it after all the things you already had up there. you're a fucking twat that doesnt contribute to society and you deserve to die slowly.
October 2021

Joker fursona bodyguard

twitchquotes: Okay CLEARLY sakurai is playing favorites already wtf. Joker is literally bayo, cloud, olimar put together. He gave him a GUN for gods sake and you LMFAO you canโ€™t even hurt his fursona bodyguard ohmygod
twitch chat
April 2019

Super Smash Bros

Lower case is for the lower class

twitchquotes: โ•ฐเผผเฒ ส–ฬฏเฒ เผฝ๏พ‰ LOWER CASE IS FOR THE LOWER CLASS โ•ฐเผผเฒ ส–ฬฏเฒ เผฝ๏พ‰
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Kappa Nazi

โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–‘ โ–„โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–ˆโ–’โ–ˆโ–“โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘ โ–ˆโ–“โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–ˆโ–‘โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘ โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–“โ–’โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–“โ–‘ โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–“โ–’โ–‘ โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–“โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–“โ–’โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–“โ–“โ–“โ–ˆโ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–’โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–“โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–‘
ascii art
November 2014

DOGES and hunter is OP

twitchquotes: ๏ฝ—๏ฝˆ๏ฝ…๏ฝŽ ๏ผข๏ผฒ๏ผก๏ผฉ๏ผฎ๏ผค๏ผฅ๏ผก๏ผค๏ผŒ ๏ฝ๏ฝ™ ๏ฝˆ๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ„ ๏ฝ๏ฝ•๏ฝ”๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ”๏ฝ‰๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝŒ๏ฝŒ๏ฝ™ ๏ฝ‡๏ฝ ๏ฝ”๏ฝ ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ผจ๏ฝ•๏ฝŽ๏ฝ”๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ„๏ผŽ ๏ฝ‰ ๏ฝ“๏ฝ”๏ฝ’๏ฝ๏ฝ‹๏ฝ… ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ•๏ฝš๏ฝš๏ฝ๏ฝ’๏ฝ„ ๏ฝ๏ฝŽ๏ฝ„ ๏ฝ†๏ฝ…๏ฝ…๏ฝŒ ๏ฝ‰ ๏ฝˆ๏ฝ๏ฝ–๏ฝ… ๏ฝ“๏ฝ…๏ฝ˜ ๏ฝ—๏ฝ‰๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ ๏ฝ”๏ฝˆ๏ฝ… ๏ผค๏ผฏ๏ผง๏ผฅ๏ผณ ๏ฝ๏ฝŒ๏ฝŒ ๏ฝ‚๏ฝ…๏ฝƒ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ‰๏ฝŽ๏ฝ‡ ๏ผฏ๏ผฐ
twitch chat
April 2014
Reynad
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