[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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greekWC emote

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣤⣤⣄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣇ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠭⠿⢿⡛⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣆⣀⣠⣤⣀⣤⣀⡌⢿ ⠄⢀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣠⣆⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠉⠉⠉⠿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣀⣀⣀⣹⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢫⣶⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡁⠈⠉⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⣿⠟⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣶⣾⣿⣷⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠄⠄⢀⢀⣠⣴⣿⣀⡀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠘⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣦⣈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢻⣿⣧⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣭⡉⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠈⢻⡷⠁⣤⣶⣦⣄⠄⠈⠙⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣄⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣄⠄⠄⠄⠽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣤⣤⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
May 2019
Greekgodx

Yeah I'm a big deal, I start memes in chat

twitchquotes: WTF DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME YOU LITTLE SHIT?! I'll have you know i've started more memes in this chat than any man living. You think you got what it takes to go toe to toe with me? You don't. You're nothing. Your just a little Pleb in the wind, less than insignificant. I scrape more important shits of my sheets in the morning. Yeah i'm a big deal, i start memes in Twitch chat, so copy my pasta or step off, kid.
twitch chat
November 2016

PewDiePie saying the N word

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December 2018

At least you lasted longer than NA at worlds

twitchquotes: Eeeyoo I had the most amazing sex with this girl last night. It was so good I came in 15 seconds and as I turned to look at her out of embarrassment, she put her lips to my ear and whispered "at least you lasted longer than NA at worlds" 4Head
twitch chat
October 2015

Classic

League of Legends

EU vs NA

Kripp, this is Aquaman, King of the Seas

twitchquotes: Kripp, this is Aquaman, King of the Seas, and I need your help. The salinity of our oceans has reached an all-time low, and only you, with your incredible salt output, can restore them to their proper levels. The fate of countless species of fish and other marine life rests in your scrawny vegan hands. Lend me your aid and I will reveal the ancient Atlantean cure for male-pattern baldness! Aquaman out!
twitch chat
April 2018
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing