[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

I'm an elite smash pro

twitchquotes: Excuse me??? I'll have you know that I'm an elite smash pro in the smash ultimate leaderboards kid. I'm not gonna take any sort of disrespect from you, I've carved a name for myself in smash history bud. You're a nobody, Sakurai personally looks at all my matches to balance the game and I could get you shitty main nerfed to the floor if I fucking wanted to so watch your back you nobody.
twitch chat
March 2019

Super Smash Bros

Genetics is the future

I keep putting more money into ARKG and making more money and I'm starting to actually fall in love with the genetics revolution. I hope one day they invent some sort of super sperm cocktail so I can shoot thicc rope with giant big brain sperm like tadpoles that come out and shoot 16 feet at 90mph. Then I can train my fatheaded genius kids how to buy calls. It could also offer a self-defense solution in a pinch as you rapid fire tadpoles at any incoming attackers. Genetics is the future.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

This streamer loves COCK

THIS STREAMER LOVES โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•— โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ•โ•โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ•โ•โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ•โ•โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ• โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–‘โ•šโ•โ•โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–‘โ•šโ•โ•โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•โ•โ–‘ โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ•โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•—โ–‘ โ•šโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ•โ•šโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ•โ•šโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•”โ•โ–ˆโ–ˆโ•‘โ–‘โ•šโ–ˆโ–ˆโ•— โ–‘โ•šโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–‘โ–‘โ•šโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–‘โ–‘โ•šโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ–‘โ•šโ•โ•โ–‘โ–‘โ•šโ•โ•
February 2021

Hi Kripp, it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater

twitchquotes: Hi Kripp it's Jarl Balgruuf the Greater. I heard you are trying to play other games when we need you here at Skyrim to clean up the dragons. Quit what you are doing right now and come join me as the new Whiterun Thane. My axe is ready as your reward.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

1 v 1 me on RUST!

twitchquotes: Listen here, you scrublords: swiggety-swaggety-swoo is the bee's knees! Now if you disagree, I'll napalm your house m8! Get rekt! 1 v 1 me on RUST! Subscribe or I'll quick scope you non-blud. Puff puff puff 420 blaze--everyday!
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing