[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Salt Down Zone

twitchquotes: Attention: Thank you for coming to Kripp Aryan's show! The greatest show on Earth! Please, those of you in rows 1-8 must be aware you are in the "Salt Down Zone". If you do not want to be sprayed with salt, please see attendant. We have complimentary ponchos. Enjoy the show!.
twitch chat
April 2015
Kripp

Ratge

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠻⣻⣻⠁⠀⡄⠬⠍⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠀⠀⡔⠛⠛⠒⠦⠀⠈⠛⢄⣈⣧⠤⣀⠀⠘⣾⢛⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡏⠀⠘⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢉⠔⠉⡈⠉⠛⡷⠁⣤⡀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣷⠀⠀⠈⠳⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠀⣸⠻⡆⠀⠈⠀⣿⣩⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣷⡶⣾⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⡀⠿⠞⠀⠀⠀⡦⣈⣁⣠⣔⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣹⠃⠀⠀⣀⡀⡀⠀⢰⡀⠸⣑⢤⣀⣠⡤⠎⠙⠲⠯⣭⡋⠛⠿⣿⣿⣟⣿ ⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⢉⠟⠉⠛⢯⣛⠉⠛⠛⠛⠋⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣄⣀⣹ ⣿⡏⠈⠉⠉⢹⠉⠙⣭⣉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠶⠒⠒⣒⣚⣫⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠈⢧⣀⡀⠉⠙⠓⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠛⢛⣉⣉⣭⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠛⠓⠖⠲⠒⠒⣛⣭⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠤⠤⠴⠶⠖⠚⠉⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
July 2021

Kripp reviews a card

twitchquotes: ☐ I got the beast in my sights ☐ Hoot hoot ☐ That belongs in a museum ☐ Let me change your mind ☑ I looked at this card originally, and I thought, you know, it’s a card, and you play this card. The card will be that card that you’ve played, so you’re playing a card. So it is one thing to play a card if your opponent doesn’t really have any cards. The card will screw up the card pretty hard, and that means it’s a pretty good card.
twitch chat
May 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

SPAM THIS BREAD TO HELP BALD HEAD

twitchquotes: SPAM 🥖 THIS 🥖 BREAD 🥖 TO 🥖 HELP 🥖 BALD 🥖 HEAD 🥖
twitch chat
May 2019
pgESAM

Rhyme Chant

Super Smash Bros

Oh so I’m a simp?

twitchquotes: Oh so I’m a simp? Complimenting women on Twitter makes me a simp? Supporting woman with a $99.99 subscription to her onlyfans makes me a simp? Visiting her and getting arrested makes me a simp? You’re right. It does make me a simp. (S)uper (I)ncredible (M)an (P)
twitch chat
April 2020

Simps

Text-to-Speech Playing