[Copypasta] There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist

There's no reason to have a Dad Bod when push ups exist. I'm always finding time to crank out a few p-ups. Ahh yep, I do maybe a thousand p-ups a day and I'm a father of two. Those nerds coloring with crayons? Time to squeeze in a few p-ups. Little dorks eating mac and cheese? It's p-up time. I'm like a leathered marble statue of a really muscular guy, my muscles are so tight and rugged. Hell, I took a p-up break while typing this comment. The ladies at work, these little work ladies, love when I crank out p-ups right there in front of them and come up off the floor red faced and with a sizeable bulge in my slacks. That bulge is unrelated to the p-ups, by the way, I'm just a guy who's always one hard nipple poking through a shirt away from a full meat platter. Hell, I'd cheat on my wife with one of these little work ladies if she wasn't one of the little work ladies I work with. We bone in the bathroom. I get jacked on p-ups and then we bone in the bathroom and there's nothing my boss can do about it because my vascularity is way too intimidating. I tell him he should do some p-ups if he wants to fuck my wife. It's the only way she gets that slizz juiced and loosed. She wants to see multitudinous p-ups and she wants to see those p-ups now! Whoops! Haha, okay, looks like she's watching me type this over my shoulder. Uh oh. See ya later, nerdbags. I'm gonna p-ups myself up to a full plumper and pump that honey ham rump of my little work lady wife.
April 2021
(β–€ΜΏΔΉΜ―β”œβ”¬β”΄β”¬β”΄ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

I’m hoping Seraphine DIES xD

twitchquotes: I’m hoping Seraphine DIES xD I’m a Seraphine HATER because she’s so cute and EVIL! People get so trolled by her beat drop and her voice lines are SATANIC, like the one about high school! She’s super DEGENERATE but also smarter than she looks, just like SATAN as a kid XD
twitch chat
November 2020

League of Legends

High skill zoo plays

twitchquotes: Is there a beginner stream to explain all of these high skill zoo plays and decisions they have to make? I can't keep up. Kappa
twitch chat
November 2014
PlayHearthstone

Undertale Sans

β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–„β–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ
March 2016

Valorant censorship

At least you have the fucking balls to say it. Like in Valorant in the voice chat if you call someone a retard for being trash at the game and not using a mic, and he's a Russian player, you're "banned". Nevermind that the race of the player exists independently from how trash he is at the game. Obviously not all Russians have no mic, (correlation/causation), but this "all players are equal" political correctness bullshit is making it impossible for Valorant players to solve a problem they cannot discuss.
August 2021

Valorant

Trump. Amaz. MaSsan. Hafu.

twitchquotes: Trump. Amaz. MaSsan. Hafu. Long ago, the four Asians streamed together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the F O R S E N B O Y S attacked. Only Reynad, master of all four, could stop them, but when Twitch needed him most, he was too salty.
twitch chat
October 2014
Reynad
Text-to-Speech Playing