[Copypasta] Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

So I’m an AMC shareholder

So I’m an AMC shareholder, which means I own some of the business. Because the stock kept getting halted today I decided to go to my local AMC and support the stock by buying some concessions. I went up to the stand and told the casher (his nametag said Melvin) that I was a shareholder and wanted to support the business. He looked excited and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand for a surprise shareholder treat. I can’t believe it, but he just covered my hands in liquid butter! Now I’m typing this at home and cant get it off my hands, and my keyboard is all greasy typing this, What do I do?
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Please help me my son is very sick

twitchquotes: forsen1 forsen2 please help me my son is very sick forsenStein forsen3 forsen4
twitch chat
November 2016
Forsen

Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer

twitchquotes: Κ• Ν‘β—Š Νœβ—‰ Ν‘β—Š Κ” Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer, had a very Salty Nose. All of the other Streamers laughed and used to call him names. BibleThump Then one salty Krippmas Eve, Forsen came to say, "Reynad with your salt so bright, won't you topdeck my sleigh tonight?" Then all Streamers loved him as they jerked off with glee, Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer, you'll go down in history! Κ• Ν‘β—Š Νœβ—‰ Ν‘β—Š Κ”
twitch chat
December 2014
Reynad

salty

HITLER

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–“β–“β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–„β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–ˆβ–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–“β–€β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–’β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–“β–“β–“β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–ˆβ–Œβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–Œβ–€β–’β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–’β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–Œβ–’β–’β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–Œβ–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–“β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–’β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–’β–€β–“β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–‘β–€β–’β–’β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–“β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–“β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–„β–„β–“β–“β–“β–’β–’β–‘β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–“β–’β–’β–’β–’β–’β–‘β–β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
November 2014

Winston is basically an Anime character

twitchquotes: If you think about it, Winston is basically an Anime character. He has that epic anime leap, and that cliche genius anime glasses. I bet he gets all the ladies with his wit and charismatic humor. I wish I could be Winston, but I'm already winston :(
twitch chat
January 2019

Overwatch

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