[Copypasta] Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Oh great! Another 2 sentence long pasta!

Oh great! Another 2 sentence long pasta! What a game changer! I'm sure the 5 measly lines of text you just posted are going to be the next big copypasta in no time! This is hilarious! Great Stuff! I can really see this being the next big thing! It's gonna be the next "Navy Seal" or "Penguin Of Doom", I can feel it! I love how short and boring it was! Extra points for being extremely forgettable with no interesting lines, a complete lack of tone, and, as I mentioned earlier, an extremely compact 30 to 40 word length! You know what you should do? You should, unprompted, post this godawful pasta in the comments of a post on a separate subreddit and when people downvote you you can post it to r/AteThePasta! Now that would be funny! Almost as funny as the pasta itself, which, may I remind you, is extremely short! God I can't believe you came up with this all on your own! Thanks so much for this! It's truly a gift! And it made me realise that no matter how hard I try I will never find a copypasta as funny as this roughly 30 word paragraph that has already been forgotten by the 47 people who upvoted it, and the 20 people who commented !thesaurizethis over and over again! And I should give up all hope of coming up with such a great pasta in my life, so I'm simply going to kill myself tonight! This is your fault! Your copypasta made me kill myself! I'm going to write your reddit username in my suicide note, as well as the entire copypasta, which I should have no trouble fitting on the page since it's so fucking short! Thanks again! 😁
May 2022

British "person" (🤢) in Godzilla vs Kong

I can't believe it, one of this year's biggest movies and they added a bri'ish "person", it's a well known fact by now that the so called "British" and the entire country of "Britain" aren't even real things. Why would the director decide to ruin the realism, the immersion his audience should feel when watching a huge monke and lizard fighting, by adding one of these imaginary "individuals". I must admit I was excited for Gozdilla vs Kong when I first saw the trailer but now... I don't know what to feel. I don't know if I have the will to watch this movie and be able to enjoy it while there's a bri'ish person on my screen.
April 2021

British People

Seoul Dynasty is just winning because...

twitchquotes: Seoul Dynasty is just winning because they go up against easy teams. It’s boosting their win ratio. They should go up against better teams to really show how good they are. I’m not calling them bad. I just want to clarify why they seem so good, even though they’re not.
twitch chat
March 2018
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

QT locks in Ezreal

twitchquotes: Somedays I sit at my computer desk, wondering if this is it. Is this my life? Is this what I want? I then look to QT's stream. He locks in Ezreal. I smile. This is what I want for my life.
twitch chat
January 2019
imaqtpie

League of Legends

HYPE cat

⠀⢀⣤⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⡤⢤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢸⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠃⠈⢹⠀⠀⢸⡛⠏⠙⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔⠋⡟⡧⠀⠀⡟⠁⠙⢛⣁⠀⠀⠈⠛⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠛⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣷⠀⠀ ⠀⠸⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡼⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠳⡀⠀⠀⠙⢦⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⠀⢀⡞⠁⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⢸⠉⠉⠓⢢⡀⠀⢳⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⠀⠀⡖⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠒⠚⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⠀⠀⠀⠑⣤⠴⠋⠀⠀⣰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⡧⠀⠸⡆⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠳⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⢸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⣄⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⢀⡜⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⣇⣀⣀⣠⠴⠃⠀⢰⠃⢀⣀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡖⠢⠤⠤⠤⢤⡀⠀⠀⢸⠀⣤⣴⣶⣦⣄⠀⠘⡆⠀⠀⠀⢠⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⠴⢃⣾⣿⣿⣿⢸⠀⠀⣼⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡇⠀⠀⢸⡄⣿⠟⠙⢿⣿⣧⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⣴⠒⠚⠋⠉⢀⣴⣿⣿⠟⢁⡜⢸⠀⠀⠹⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⡆⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⢸⠇⡏⠸⡆⠀⢻⣿⡇⣇⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⡿⠁⠀⣾⠸⡸⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠉⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⢳⡀⠀⣼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⠤⠤⢞⡼⠁⠀⣷⠀⠀⢻⣧⢿⠀⠀⢀⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⣐⣠⠎⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⢰⡇⠀⠳⣝⠦⠤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡴⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣷⢞⠞⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢻⣮⣓⠒⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⣾⠀⠀⠀⠈⠹⡰⣶⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⢋⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⢠⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢣⢻⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⠃⡜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡎⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⠇⡞⠀⠀⠠⣾⠛⠲⣤⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⣹⠈⠉⠉⢻⠉⠉⠙⡿⠛⠛⠛⡟⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⡴⠚⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢣⢸⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⡟⢸⠀⠀⣠⡶⠚⠓⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⡼⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠗⠒⠦⡀⠀⠸⡈⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⡿⠀⢈⠀⣼⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣧⠀⠀⢠⠇⠀⠀⠀⢳⡀⠀⢀⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣄⣠⠇⢹⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⠃⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⠴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠓⠦⠞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣴⣶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣸⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣶⡄⣠⠴⠚⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⢦⡀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⠿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠏⠁⠀⣸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⣦⠀⠙⢆⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣹⣿⣧⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⢉⠎⠀⠀⣴⠏⠻⢦⣤⡴⠞⠻⢶⣤⣤⣤⡿⢷⡄⠈⢧⠀⠀⠈⠻⢿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣶⣿⣿⣷⣆⠀ ⢠⣴⣿⠟⠋⠉⠛⠷⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠁⠀⠀⡜⠀⠀⣼⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⡄⠈⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠉⢹⣿⡄ ⢸⣿⡏⠀⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀⠙⢷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⢠⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⡿⠋⢁⡠⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣧ ⢸⣿⠀⢰⠋⠀⠀⠈⢳⡀⠀⠙⢷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢧⠀⠘⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡇⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⡿⠋⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠈⢣⠀⠀⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠹⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡄⠀⠻⣆⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡿⠀⠀⡎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⠏⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⠀⠀⠑⢄⣀⡠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⣄⠀⠙⠳⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⡾⠛⠁⢀⠜⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠲⠤⠤⠤⠎⠀⢠⣿⣿ ⢸⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⢷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⢄⡀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⢀⠴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡼⠃⢠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⡿ ⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠈⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠒⠦⢤⣀⣀⣀⣀⣠⠤⠔⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠾⡀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⡇ ⠸⣿⣇⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡎⠀⠘⡞⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡔⠁⠀⢣⠀⠈⢆⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⢫⣿⣿⠁ ⠀⣿⣿⡀⠈⠓⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠞⠀⠀⡼⠁⠀⠙⠑⠒⠦⠤⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⢀⠤⠔⠋⠀⠀⠀⠈⢧⠀⠀⠉⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⠉⠀⣼⣿⠇⠀ ⠀⢸⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡜⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣈⠑⣄⠀⢀⡤⠔⠊⠁⠧⣠⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⡿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠖⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠒⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣄⣀⣀⣀⡤⠴⠒⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠓⠦⢤⣀⣀⣰⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀
February 2024
Text-to-Speech Playing