[Copypasta] Fired for masturbating on a Zoom call

So this just happened an hour ago and I am still shaking. I’m a staff in public accounting and was in the middle of a 3-hour training on Zoom. Usually when we have these types of calls I just keep the video running in the background and I walk around the room doing things to pass the time and distract myself from the monotone presenters. Well today I forgot that I left the camera on (I usually always have it off but earlier today I had a call with the partner to discuss my upcoming promotion, so I had to have it on). I had no clue I had left the camera on and in the middle of walking around and muttering to myself as I was zoning out, I flipped it out and started to rub one out. I did so with complete confidence, openly and ferociously, stroking faster and faster until I heard the presenter stop and kindly asked me to turn my camera off. Mortified, I lifted my pants up and rushed over to turn the camera off. Soon after the training was over I had a call with HR and they let me know that I was being terminated. I hated the job anyway so not so bummed about that, but I’m not sure what to say in interviews now if I’m asked why I left this job. Any advice?
June 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

I'm tired of this terrible chat

twitchquotes: I'm tired of this terrible chat. I make thoughtful comments and cheer the teams on, but then chat spams and my comment gets lost. I might as well just spam PunchTrees 7 like the rest of you...
twitch chat
April 2018

I hate Twitch Chat

Trolling My Office With Among Us PART 8 (GRAND SERIES FINALE)

I was dashing around the office. Everyone looked at me weird. I was screaming, "SUS! SUS! AMOGUS!" Everyone started chanting with me. "SUS! SUS! AMOGUS! AMONG SUS! WHEN THE IMPOSTER IS SUS!" We all did the Among Us beatbox in unison. It was beautiful. Like a horse waving its mane in the air on a bright and pretty day. But suddenly I noticed; one of the kids wasn't doing the Among Drip beatbox! So I ran over to her. "Hey kid," I said, "Stop being an asparagus or whatever your dumb star signs are and be not sussy with us!" She looked at me weird and said "Whatever, old man." That was so disrespectful and SUS of her! So I put my hands around her neck and twisted her head off "Like in that one kill animation in Among Us." Everyone looked at me in horror, even the ones who were Among Beatboxing with me! Everyone was looking at me like I had just sexually abused a Syrian 4 year old refugee (which I had done before.) I said "What?" when suddenly the elevator opened. It was the CEO of Pepsi-co! I noticed the Pepsi pin on her shirt and said "When the Pepsi is sus!" because it reminded me of the Among Us crewmate .I did the sussy Among Us beatbox. You know the one? It goes; ding ding ding ding ding ding ding, ding ding ding! BM BM! You know the one! But, before I could finish it, I noticed; her boobs were big! I took my finger and poked her titty that was almost bursting out of her shirt. "Booba." I said. She had a face more horrified than anyone in the room, like before when everyone looked at me last week like I murdered Bosnian children. You remember that, right? She screamed "SECURITY!" Two buff men with pecs almost as big as hers and clothes so tight you could see their 12-pack abs through the shirt tackled me. I said "That's a bit SUSSY!" (Like how the guy said it in the "STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US" rant. "You're not wholesome Keanu Chungus 100 Fortnite bad TikTok cringe Minecraft & Reddit good." I said. I got out and kicked their nuts. Although they were big, (not as big as my magnum mega-cock, you know like the size of Danny Devito's?) they still cried when I kicked their nuts. "You fucking cracker-jacks! You're Tik-Tokers trying to invade Reddit!" I screamed. I dashed for the door but an alarm started blaring and steel barriers went down over the windows. I barely slid out of the door before the steel door closed under me. I heard the alarms blaring even from inside. I started running, running away trying to flee the scene. Not even half a mile away I saw a SWAT police car dash by me. It started to slow down, oh shit, they noticed me! I jumped into a nearby bush and hid, hoping he wouldn't see me. Quickly, a bunch of men fully armed with automatic rifles and heavy armor came out of the back, scoping the area around. "We can't let him get away!" I heard one of them yell. Were they talking about me? I didn't do anything sus, at least if murder, sexual harassment, and assault don't count as being sus. I stayed still, not even making a sound. A few minutes in, I heard my dickhole queef. It didn't make that much of a sound but I just barely saw out of the bush, the SWAT team start looking around. Shit. They heard my cock fart. I couldn't move as it would make too much noise. Eventually, after a while of looking, they just left. I was free. I quickly got out and ran, but making sure to run behind the bushes so I wouldn't be spotted. I eventually got into the main part of the city. The town wasn't all that big, but it was big enough for me to hide. I did it. I really did it. I had gotten away. Eventually, I made it far. Far out of town. I can't even tell Reddit where I am. It's too secret. I'm currently living a secret life in my inconspicuous location. But, this is the story of how I trolled my office. With Among Us.
April 2021

Trolling with Among Us

Among Us / Amogus

Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer

twitchquotes: ʕ ͡◊ ͜◉ ͡◊ ʔ Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer, had a very Salty Nose. All of the other Streamers laughed and used to call him names. BibleThump Then one salty Krippmas Eve, Forsen came to say, "Reynad with your salt so bright, won't you topdeck my sleigh tonight?" Then all Streamers loved him as they jerked off with glee, Reynad the Saltnosed Streamer, you'll go down in history! ʕ ͡◊ ͜◉ ͡◊ ʔ
twitch chat
December 2014
Reynad

salty

Troll face 2

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⡴⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⢶⣦⣤⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⡴⠶⠛⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠙⠛⠷⠶⢦⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠞⠉⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⠒⠐⠒⢒⡀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠒⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠋⠀⠀⢀⠀⢊⠥⢐⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢑⠠⢉⠂⢀⠀⠀⠈⢷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠈⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠶⠛⣉⣩⣽⣟⠳⢶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡶⠛⣻⣿⣯⣉⣙⠳⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣠⠞⠋⠀⢁⣤⣤⣤⣌⡁⠀⠛⠛⠉⣉⡍⠙⠛⠶⣤⠿⠀⢸⠀⠀⡇⠀⠻⠶⠞⠛⠉⠩⣍⡉⠉⠋⠀⣈⣤⡤⠤⢤⣄⠀⠈⠳⣄⠀ ⢰⡏⠀⠀⣴⠋⠀⢀⣆⠉⠛⠓⠒⠖⠚⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡾⠀⠀⢻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠒⠒⠛⠛⠉⣰⣆⠀⠈⢷⡀⠀⠘⡇ ⢸⡇⠀⠀⣧⢠⡴⣿⠉⠛⢶⣤⣀⡀⠀⠠⠤⠤⠄⣶⠒⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣘⠛⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⠶⠛⠉⣿⠷⠤⣸⠃⠀⢀⡟ ⠈⢷⡀⠄⠘⠀⠀⠸⣷⣄⡀⠈⣿⠛⠻⠶⢤⣄⣀⡻⠆⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠐⣛⣀⣤⡴⠶⠛⠋⣿⠀⣀⣠⣾⠇⠀⠀⠋⠠⢁⡾⠃ ⠀⠀⠙⢶⡀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⡙⠻⣿⣷⣤⣀⡀⠀⣿⠛⠛⠳⠶⠦⣴⠶⠶⠶⠛⠛⠋⢿⡀⣀⣠⣤⣾⣿⠟⢉⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⠋⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⡄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣤⣼⠉⠙⠻⠿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⣿⡀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣶⣾⣿⠿⠛⠋⠁⢿⣴⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⢠⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣦⡀⠀⠀⣼⠃⠉⠉⠛⠛⠛⣿⡟⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⢿⡀⠀⣀⣴⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⣀⠀⣀⠀⠀⡈⠛⠷⣾⣇⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣼⡷⠾⠋⢁⠀⢀⡀⠀⣀⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠳⣦⣉⠒⠬⣑⠂⢄⡉⠙⠛⠛⠶⠶⠶⠾⠷⠶⠚⠛⠛⠛⠉⣁⠤⢐⡨⠤⢒⣩⡴⠞⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠶⣤⣉⠀⠂⠥⠀⠀⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⠄⠀⠠⠌⠂⢈⣡⡴⠖⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠶⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡴⠞⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠳⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠖⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
May 2021

Le Boobhead has arrived

░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█ ░░█░░░░░░░▄░░░░░░░░█ ░█░░░(◐)░░▄█▄░░(◐)░░░░█ ░░▀█▄▄▄▄█▀░▀█▄▄▄▄▄█▀ ░░░░░░░░░░░▌░░░░▄███████▄ ░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐███████████▄ ░░░le░░░░░░▐░░░░▐█████████████▄ ░░boobhead░░░░▀▄░░░▐██████████████▄ ░░░░has░░░░░░░▀▄▄████████████████▄ ░░░arrived░░░░░░░░░░░█▀██████
July 2017

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing