[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
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More Copypastas

This is your father Vyascheslav from Moskva

twitchquotes: Hello Kripparian, this is your father Vyascheslav from Moskva. I have started working overtime at the power plant, and your sister Tatyana has gone to Berlin to sell her body to Kraut swine for money. We do all this to pay for your "Stoned Heart of the Cards" game. Please win tournament and send us rubles soon, so our family can be together again.
twitch chat
May 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

I challenge you to “Turtle King”

Before my ban, someone challenged me to a duel with cocks. I challenge you to “Turtle King” instead. We each dock our unhardened cocks into each other, then we put on clips of Yellen speaking during FOMC meetings. The first to effectively go from flaccid to erect and push the other out of the “dock” is crowned Turtle 🤴. Dual me, I’m 4-0.
October 2021

WallStreetBets

Hank from Breaking Bad

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August 2021

I think YouTube rewind 2018 was a masterpiece!

twitchquotes: I think YouTube rewind 2018 was a masterpiece! It perfectly encapsulates the spirit of 2018 and the super funny memes we had this year such as fortnite dances, baby shark, dame tu cosita, k pop, and more! I especially like the part with everyone jumping out of the bus in the sky! That was so cool it looked so real. Thank you YouTube for making my year and reminding me of the awesome funny memes!!!
twitch chat
December 2018

Hey Tyler, I've been a beta male all my life

twitchquotes: Hey Tyler, I've been a beta male all my life. My mommy tells me to man up. My daddy disowned me. All the kids pick on me at school and push me over. Even my girlfriend broke up with me because I wouldn't play Draven. Tyler could you please mod me so I may ban people randomly in your chat to be alpha :)
twitch chat
March 2018
Tyler1
Text-to-Speech Playing