[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Dear people who comment on porn

Dear people who comment on porn, why? Do you really think whoever the fuck you’re masturbating to will see “you are gorgeous I would love to tittyfuck you, it would be my pleasure😍😍😍” will fly over to your house have sex with your fatass and then fly back? No. If it ever actually does happen, I’d bet that pornstar does it a lot. Which means constant flying. Porn commenters are causing global warming.
September 2021

If any of you copy and paste this you will be in serious trouble

twitchquotes: ᶦ ˢʷᵉᵃʳ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵒᵈ ᶦᶠ ᵃᶰʸ ᵒᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ᵐᵒᵗʰᵉʳʳᶠᵘᶜᵏᵉʳˢ ᶜᵒᵖʸ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵖᵃˢᵗᵉ ᵗʰᶦˢ ʸᵒᵘ ʷᶦᶫᶫ ᵇᵉ ᶦᶰ ˢᵉʳᶦᵒᵘˢ ᵗʳᵒᵘᵇᶫᵉ
twitch chat
April 2014

Classic

Stonks only go up. But you don't.

You watch her as she brushes her hair. She’s humming a song you can’t quite hear and smiling to herself. Not for the first time, you wonder why this person chose you. She turns. “What do you want for Christmas?” You want to scream Save your money!, but you only shrug. “Nothing, really.” “Nothing?” She crawls into bed and touches your leg. “Are you sure?” Again, you wonder why this person chose you. As she takes the weight of you in her hand, your mind wanders. To your puts. They’ll expire worthless, like you. After several minutes of failing to conjure your manhood, she asks, “What’s wrong?” Stonks only go up. But you don’t.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

I'M MOVING TO HAWAII AND FINALLY LEAVE THE USA!

twitchquotes: RIGGED RIGGED RIGGED, I absolutely don't want to live in this nation where our GREAT PRESIDENT TRUMP is getting ROBBED! This is absolutely the final straw, my KIDS ARE IN DANGER and I won't live in this nation another day! I'M MOVING TO HAWAII AND FINALLY LEAVE THE USA!!!
twitch chat
November 2020

2020 US Election

Peter Griffin Brian Griffin face swap

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⠤⠤⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠚⢳⠖⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠱⠖⠉⠳⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡸⠁⠀⠈⣠⠤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀⢠⠀⠀⠸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⢀⡜⠀⣤⠀⢱⠤⢤⡎⠁⡀⠈⣦⢼⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠲⡾⠻⣄⣀⡴⠚⠃⠀⢧⡀⠁⣀⠏⠘⠦⢴⡞⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠎⠀⠀⢀⠉⢧⣀⣀⣠⠇⠉⠉⣅⠀⠀⠀⠈⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡎⠀⠀⢠⡋⠓⠒⠶⠶⠒⠒⠚⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠰⡇⠀⠀⠀⢱⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢇⠀⠀⡔⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢆⠘⣇⠀⠀⢀⣄⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡗⠎⠙⠋⠁⠈⠓⠲⠒⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣷⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣴⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠈⠳⢄⠀⠀⠀ ⢀⡞⠁⠀⡀⡄⠀⠈⠙⡟⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⠀⠀
March 2022
Text-to-Speech Playing