Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Hello Mr. Morosan! This is the salt truck driver
twitchquotes:
༼ ͠• ل͜ • ༽ ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴍʀ. ᴍᴏʀᴏsᴀɴ! ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴛʜᴇ sᴀʟᴛ-ᴛʀᴜᴄᴋ-ᴅʀɪᴠᴇʀ. ɪ'ᴍ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴇʟɪᴠᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏʀᴅᴇʀ ᴏꜰ 69 ᴛᴏɴs ᴏꜰ ᴩᴜʀᴇ sᴀʟᴛ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀᴍᴏᴜs sᴀʟᴛᴍɪɴᴇ "üʙᴇʀᴋäᴋᴇɴᴋᴏᴛᴢɴ" ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʟᴩs. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴏʀᴅᴇʀ ᴍᴏʀᴇ sᴀʟᴛ, ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ! ɢᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ sɪʀ! ༼ ͠• ل͜ • ༽
twitch chat
Kripp
"Based"? Are "Based"? Are you fucking kidding me?
"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?
Based
Classic
I thought fidget spinning was a dumb trend
twitchquotes:
I thought fidget spinning was a dumb trend, but then I got mine. I felt the spin, I felt it on my finger, I felt the rush of a good spin. It changed me. I got my spinner ironically, but I was wrong. Its amazing, I'm smarter, more productive, more focused at work, a simple task is now much better. Outsiders dont get it, they dont get us. I'm not saying were better but were more open minded and probably smarter. I love this community, and I love this way of life.
twitch chat
Fidget Spinner
Hafu is more hardcore than Kripp
twitchquotes:
Kripp, I'm disappointed in you. Your chat is out of control and you don't even care. Your veiwers are the most pathetic scum on Twitch. Even worse, Hafu is a more hardcore player than you. Are you even trying anymore? Whatever, I'm going to go watch Reynad or Trump, you useless bag of ***.
twitch chat
Kripp
what's a fella gotta do to get some apple juice?
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠄⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⢀⣤⠖⢋⡤⠊⠁⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣦⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⠁⢀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢠⡿⣫⣶⣿What's⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿a⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⢀⣿fella⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠈⠻⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⣾⣿gotta⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⣀⡀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢠⣤⡀⠀⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀
⠀⢸⣿⣿do⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⢸⣿⣿⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⢠⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀
⠀⣼⣿⣿around⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀
⠀⢸⣿⣿here⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠋⠀⠀⣀⡈⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀
⠀⢸⣿⣿to⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⠾⠛⣿⡶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀
⠀⠀⢿⣿get⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣌⠳⣄⣀⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⢀
⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿some⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣭⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢀⣴⣿
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿apple juice?⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣫⣶⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣶⣤⣄⡀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿