[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Here you go again you simp

twitchquotes: Here you go again you simp. pokiYikes If youre so butthurt about poki being the cooler, swagger and more beautiful streamer then why dont you just stop and think about what she means to me. I give her my paycheck. I almost had to take a mortgage out just to buy food but you know what? It doesnt matter. Pokimane reads when I sub each month and she gives me a smile so its worth. Sorry for rambling I just cant deal with you pathetic simps ✋
twitch chat
November 2019
Pokimane

Simps

NFL football teams allow kickers that just miss

twitchquotes: I’ll never understand how college and NFL football teams allow kickers that just.... miss... kicks. I feel like there has to be pools of kickers in the USA that won’t miss simple kicks. Or snappers that won’t mess the snaps idk man it seems so SILLY. Would love opinions on this.
twitch chat
December 2019

I sexually Identify as a snow chugger

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as a snow chugger. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of chuggering over the plains of Azeroth freezing disgusting hunters. People say to me that a person being a snowchugger is Impossible and I m fuсking retarded but I don t care, I m beautiful. I m having a mech warper install snow plows, salt shakers and whirling blades on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Choo Choo" and respect my right to chugga chugga and freeze needlessly. If you can t accept me you re a mechaphobe and need to check your topdeck privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
September 2017

Hearthstone

Shotgun Pepe

⡏⠛⢿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣧⣀⡀⠄⠹⠟⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠄⢈⡄⣄⠄⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣧⠘⢹⣦⣄⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣷⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡈⣙⠟⠉⠉⠙⠋⠉⠹⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⡄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠄⠄⣀⠄⢠⣀⠄⡨⣹ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢸⣿⣿⣇⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⣾ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠈⠛⠿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣀⠄⠄⠈⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠤⣶⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠷⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠄⠄⠈⠋⠄⠄⣠⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿
January 2019

Pepe

Subscribers pay for our entertainment

twitchquotes: ᕕ༼ •́ ヮ •̀ ༽凸 Hey SUBS, YOU PAY FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT Kappa ᕕ༼ •́ ヮ •̀ ༽凸!!!
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

plebs vs subs

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