[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

If Apple opens super green tomorrow

If Apple opens super green tomorrow, I will buy a green Apple and cut a 1/4in hole in it and fuck it with my peen.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

If you're a grown-ass man and you still wipe your ass, you're not a real man.

This should be self-explanatory but apparently, I have to justify myself. There's nothing more feminine than using a product on your body. Makeup is 100% feminine and by the same logic, so is wiping your ass. I haven't wiped my ass in about 4 years, and I've NEVER had any issues. My digestive system is in the top 1% in terms of regularity, functionality, and performance, and I've never once felt the need to "clean up" after myself. If you shit, and you need to wipe, you've got an emasculated GI tract and that's your own issue. Man up and get your shit (literally) together.
May 2021

Random Koala fact of the day

twitch chat
March 2014
Hafu

Squidward with boobs

⢀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣾⣿⣷⣶⣶⣦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣭⣭⣭⣭⣭⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⠀ ⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣿⡶⠶⠶⠶⠶⣶⣭⣽⣿⣿⣷⣆ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠈⢿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠉⠁⠈⠉⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⡿⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⢴⣐⢦⠀⠀⠀⣴⡖⣦⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⡔⣻⣭⡇⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⠦⣬⣟⢓⡄⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠿⠿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⢼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣀⣤⣴⣾⣿⣷⣭⣭⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣸⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀ ⠀⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⢻⣿⣿⡄⠀ ⠀⢸⣿⣮⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢹⣿⣿⣿⡟⢛⢻⣷⢻⣿⣧⠀ ⠀⠀⣿⡏⣿⡟⡛⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⣼⣿⢸⣿⣿⠀
September 2020

Nothing says high octane Overwatch like reaper and mei

twitchquotes: I'm so glad they forced the meta to change from GOATS. We finally get to see the dps stars shine. Nothing says high octane Overwatch like reaper and mei, thank you so much plat chat!
twitch chat
August 2019
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

Text-to-Speech Playing