[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
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Professional Iron Players league

twitchquotes: I think it's really nice that Riot Games™ provides iron players a league to play "professionally" in. They even let this so called "LCS" participate at Worlds with up to 3 teams! It really shows how progressive Riot Games™ really is.
twitch chat
July 2020
LCS

League of Legends

Unidan "jackdaw is a crow"

Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow." Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that. As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing. If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens. So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too. Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?
October 2021

Classic

AYAYAWeird

⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣾⣿⡟⠋⠄⠄⠄⣀⡿⠄⠊⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⠇⠄⢀⠃⠙⣿⣿ ⣤⠒⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⠄⢀⠊⠄⠄⠈⢿ ⣿⣠⠤⠴⠶⠒⠶⠶⠤⠤⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠃⠄⠂⣀⣀⣀⡀⠄ ⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⢎⠐⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛ ⡇⠄⠄⠄⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⢀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠎⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⡧⠶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠲⠦⣭⡃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⡇⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⠛⠶⠄ ⡇⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⢀ ⡇⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⢊ ⢠⠄⠈⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⡦⠁⠄⠄⣼ ⢸⠄⠈⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿ ⢸⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠉⠄⢸⣿ ⠄⣆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿ ⠄⢿⣷⣶⣄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿ ⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣠⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
July 2019

Weebs

The Nun

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣔⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⢣⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠈⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡌⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢷⠄⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⢸⠉⠠⠻⠎⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠙⠛⢿⡇⠃⢸⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡆⣾⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⣿⣿⠄⠄⠰⠆⠄⢸⣿⠇⠄⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠰⠄⣿⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣷⣄⣠⣶⣶⣾⣿⣠⠄⢠⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⣻⠄⠄⠄⣤⠠⠈⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⠄⠈⡄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠘⠄⠄⢿⡄⠄⢸⣻⡃⠄⢾⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣸⠄⠄⢃⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⠃⠄⠄⣞⣇⠄⠐⡿⣣⡤⠤⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠘⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⡘⠄⠄⠄⠹⣞⡀⠄⠄⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠇⠄⠄ ⠄⢀⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⢻⣷⡀⠄⠄⢀⣀⣤⣤⣴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡗⠄⠄⠄⢸⠄⠄ ⠄⡘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⣦⣀⣨⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡆⠄ ⢀⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢴⣺⣿⣝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢣⠄ ⠘⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⡄
November 2019

Can a nigga borrow a fry?

He says it every morning. He calls me nigga, he calls the other kids nigga, he calls himself nigga. All the time. Nigga this, nigga that, nigga PLEASE. Bitch nigga. Nigga have you lost your mind? Nigga check that ho. Nigga, you bullshittin. Break yourself, nigga. He says it so much I don't even notice it anymore. Last week in lunch Riley says to a classmate, "Can a nigga borrow a French fry?" My first thought wasn't "Oh my God he said the word, t-the n-word!" It was "How is a nigga gonna borrow a fry?, nigga, is you gonna give it back?"
January 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing