Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
The default Fortnite dance is truly a masterpiece
twitchquotes:
The default dance is truly a masterpiece. Never, in all of history, has such an artistic masterpiece ever been created. The choreography is possibly the most beautiful sight ever beheld by the human eye. The sharp sound of the SLAP when the player’s hands collide perfectly with the beat of the song sends a bone chilling shiver down my spine, every single time I hear it. I find my self watching my in-game avatar performing this phenomenal dance ritual for hours on end.
twitch chat
Fortnite
boo every1 im Gohst!!!
twitchquotes:
boo every1 im Gohst!!!!!!! holds up ecto-spork my name is spooky but u can call me t3h GoHST P3ngin3 oF sp00kyness!!!!!!!! b00!…as u can see (0r cant iM inVIsible) im very Sp00key!!!! thats why iM came here, 2 HauNT random ppl like you! _… im 13,000 years old (im S00key 4 my age doe) i like 2 bee Sp00key like Salad F1ng3rs w/ my GirlGHostFr1nd (im bi-ectoplasmic if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite Way 2 Sp00k!!! bcuz its SOOOO Creepy!!!! shes sp00kEY 2 of course s0 w3 want 2 HaunT random ppl =) like they say the more GohSTS the sP00OkYER!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make Y0U ScarED so give me lots of wAYS 2 Sp00k U out!!!!!
twitch chat
Kripp
Hey what's up kripp, it's jeremy your neighbor!
twitchquotes:
Hey what's up kripp, it's jeremy your neighbor! I see you're in the office again and playing animated poker - hope everythings well with the wife and garden. Say that lawnmower you borrowed last month; I was wondering when I could expect that back because I noticed your lawn was trimmed no less than three weeks ago but you have yet to bring back my mower. Anyhow , could use that mower. Just checking in but it would be great if I could get that mower back. Thanks again.
twitch chat
Kripp
Hello Mr. Santana this is Michelle Obama
twitchquotes:
Hello Mr. Santana this is Michelle Obama, i'm loving your stream but all this feeding is making USA looks like garbage, i'm sending my husband (BARACK OBAMA) to shut you down.
twitch chat
imaqtpie
League of Legends
EU vs NA
I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said
Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search” as they would say.
By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.
I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.
During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.
Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.