[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Sneaky please enable NODDERS

twitchquotes: Sneaky, I think of you as a very smart and somewhat educated person with great foresight. Many people don't see the appeal of NODDERS but the simple combination with NOPERS can exponentially increase the streamers and viewer experience. You, a man of profound wisdom regarding such matters will clearly understand and enable NODDERS, thanks. FeelsClassyMan
twitch chat
July 2020
Sneaky

Lucina is a deep, complex, and intricate

twitchquotes: Lucina is one of the most deep, complex, and intricate characters in fighting game history and Zackray is an absolute hero for gracing us with his iteration of her
twitch chat
April 2019

Super Smash Bros

Imaqtpie has mastered Kog'Maw's passive

twitchquotes: Hi Imaqtpie, this is David 'Repertoir' Capurro, the lead designer on Kog'Maw back in 2010. Watching you play my champion really warms my heart, and I think you're one of the good guys. You've even mastered his passive!
twitch chat
March 2017
imaqtpie

League of Legends

I think my child might be british

I think my child might be british. Where did I go wrong in all of this??? What steps can I take to save him? I noticed it back in July when he seemed grumpy for our fourth of july picnic. Since then, he's been steadily getting a south L*ndon accent, drinking tea, and watching soccer. The other day I heard him call one of his friends "bruv" on the phone (which he now calls the TELLY for fucks sake!) WHAT DO I DO???
March 2021

British People

Fat reddit snoo

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June 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing