[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Jealous that Mario got to date Peach

twitchquotes: When I was 9 I was really jealous that Mario got to date Peach so to let my frustration out I turned on Mario Kart 64 and drove Mario off a cliff for 2 hours then went back to writing my fanfiction of me being Peach's bff and bf.
twitch chat
August 2020

I sexually Identify as the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917

twitchquotes: I sexually Identify as the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of seizing the means of production from the dirty bourgeoisie. People say to me that a person being a historical communist revolution is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon instal hammers, sickles, and other assorted proletariat farming tools on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Comrade" and respect my right to seize the means of production and free the working class. If you can't accept me you're an oppressor and need to check your capitalist privileges. Thank you for being so understanding.
twitch chat
June 2017

I sexually Identify as

Bedge

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠋⠁⠀⢀⠠⢤⣤⡰⡈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⡠⠊⠔⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⣫⡿⣿⣿⣿ ⡻⠟⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡆⠲⠾⠕⣪⠏⠀⢸⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠰⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡴⢊⠇⠉⠑⠻⠅⢀⠜⢹⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨⠋⠭⠭⢅⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⣀⠔⠁⡠⠎⠹⣿ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢦⣀⣉⠽⠟⠉⠀⢀⡠⠔⠊⢁⡤⠊⠀⠁⠀⡀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠁⢀⠤⠒⠢⢄⣀⣀⣀⣀⠤⠴⠒⠊⠁⣀⠤⠚⣡⣴⠟⠊⠄⠠⠐ ⠀⠀⢀⠂⠀⠀⡇⠀⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡠⠴⠒⠉⣠⣴⡿⠋⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠆⠀⠀⠀⠳⣄⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⣀⣠⣴⡿⠛⠁⠀⡰⠆⠰⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠒⠒⠒⠒⣒⣿⣿⡿⠛⡉⠀⠀⢀⠎⠀⢰⣊⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣦⠈⠈⠂⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣿⡿⠛⡡⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠇⠀⠀⠀⢡ ⣿⣇⣆⠀⠧⠤⣭⣽⣶⣿⡿⢛⠁⠀⠀⠠⠀⠐⠃⠀⠀⠠⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸ ⡿⣟⣿⣴⣾⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⢥⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⣁⡤⠖⠀⠀⠀⠠⠠ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⡫⠕⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⢀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠶⠛⠉⠀⢀⠀⠊⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⡯⠓⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⠒⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
November 2021

Pepe

I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search” as they would say. By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving. I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes. During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up. Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.
April 2021

YOU. ME. GAS STATION.

What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh, there was a roofie inside of our gas station sushi, we black out and wake up in a sewer. We're surrounded by fish; horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy, the stench draws in a bear. What are we gonna do? We're gonna fight it. BEAR FIGHT. BEAR HANDED. BEAR naked? oh yes, please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl. then we ride into a chuck-e-cheese, dance dance revolution. REVOLUTION? OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT? uh, I think so. next thing you know, i'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then i turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out which i didn't know you could do, then i smoked a joint. Greened-out, then i turned into the sun. uh oh, looks like the meth is kicking in.
January 2022
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