[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku

twitchquotes: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shapeshifting Master of Darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Samurai warrior, wielding a magic sword, stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is Aku!
twitch chat
June 2017

Kripp's MALDHAWK

twitchquotes: Late last year, we were on an expedition to find the rarest hairstyle of them all.. the "MALDHAWK" A combination of MALD and a hawk nest, it combines the fluidity of middle aged male pattern baldness to a contrast of dead rats. Much to our chagrin, we found it April 13th, 2020, on a morose Canadian gypsy's stream. He had over 10k viewers at the time of writing this
twitch chat
April 2020
Kripp

Anime girl

░░░░░▄▄░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ ░░░▄▀█▓▓█████▓▓▓█░░░░░░ ░░░▄█▓▓█████████▓▓█▌░░░ ░░█▓▓██▓▓▓▓▓▓█████▓█░░░ ░▐███████████▓▓████▓█░░ ░▐▌██▀▐▀▐▀▐█▌▀▌▐▀█▓██░░ ░▐░██░▄▀▀▄░░▄▀▀▄▒█▓█▌░░ ░░░▐▌▌░▐▓▌░░░▐▓▌▒█▓█▌░░ ░░░░░▌░░▀░░░░░▀░▒█▓█▌░░ ░░░░▐█░░░░▌░░░░░▐█▓█▌░░ ░░░░███░░░▄▄░░░▒███▓▌░░ ░░░▐▓███▒░░░░░▒▓███▓█░░ ░░░█▓████▒▓▓▓▓▓█████▓█░ ░░▐▓█████▒▒▒▒▒▓█████▓█▌ ░░█▓████▒▒░░░▒▒▓████▓▓█▌
November 2014

Weebs

Reynad created the Hearth and the Stone

twitchquotes: In the beginning Reynad created the Hearth and the Stone. There were no cards nor a meta. Then Reynad said "Let there be cards"; and there were cards. He then said "Let there be a Meta"; and there was a Meta. ~ The Book of Dennisis
twitch chat
November 2014
Reynad

Hearthstone

A scholar hates twitch chat

The myriad of idiosyncratic atrocities bestowed on this chat from these juvenile delinquents have caused a monstruous amount of turmoil and I cannot fathom this type of malignancy. These futile behaviors have abruptly penetrated the purity of my dear soul.
June 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing