[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

I fell asleep masturbating with the curtains open and porn playing

I thought it would be nice to nut before i slept and before my sleeping pill kicked in and my room was dark so I figured why close the blinds. I was lubing up my cock with silicone lube, felt really good and got my cock really hard and was enjoying what I was watching. Next thing I realized, I wake up at 11am, dick in hand with lube, lube spilled all over my body and sheets and porn still playing and the neighbors can clearly see what happened. I live in an apartment area, and at the first floor so everybody next door saw everything. The neighbor right in front of me was having lunch and raised his glass to say cheers to me and smiled. Advice: cover all your bases before jerking off, and don't jerk under the influence.
April 2021

It’s Morbin time! FAQ (Reddit)

It’s Morbin time! # FAQ ## What does this mean? It’s time for Morbin. ## Why did I do this? There are several reasons I may deem you morbin-able to be worthy of being morbed. These include, but are not limited to: I am very Morby I see you being morbin-able You morbed me first ## Is Morbius THE movie of all time? Yes ## I don't believe I deserved to be morbed upon. Can you un-morb me? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put morb-juice back into my morbenis. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me some thick morb-milk explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to fucking requests/comments within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of people gets morbed, and you are is likely no exception. ## How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the reality that I stick my Morbenis into your morbussy and move on. But learn from this mistake. You were a mistake because I forgot to wear a morbondom whilst fucking your morb-hole. I will continue to morb your morbussy until you improve your conduct. Remember: morbing you who morbed me first is a right, not a privilege.
June 2022

Story of Felipe

twitchquotes: Let me tell you about Felipe. Felipe is good boy from Guadalajara. He wake at 6:00 to make food for white man. He eat his chipotle like a good boy, and clean the taco like a good boy. When he finish burrito he play stonehearth, but Felipe is sad. Felipe say he no win because of Kripp, and Felipe want retribution. Beware your taco kripp, it may have jalapeno poison...
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

THIS USED TO BE A 2016 STREAM

twitchquotes: FeelsBadMan THIS USED TO BE A 2016 STREAM FeelsBadMan THIS USED TO BE A 2016 STREAM FeelsBadMan
twitch chat
January 2017

PepegaLicense

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣾⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣰⣿⠋⠁⠄⠄⠉⠉⢉⡉⠉⢉⣹⣿⣿⣿⠛⢿⣿⣿⡟⠛⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⢠⣿⠃⠄⢀⣀⢴⡦⣟⣿⠽⣶⣶⣯⣿⠛⠁⣤⣾⡟⠉⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄ ⠄⢸⣿⡤⠋⢹⣦⢣⡭⢭⣬⣟⣺⣿⣿⣃⠄⣸⣿⠟⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄ ⠄⣾⡟⣦⢴⣿⠿⣿⠰⠈⢿⡏⢿⣿⣿⣿⠇⣿⠿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄ ⠄⣿⠱⣶⣴⣒⣽⣮⣉⣲⡭⠚⢼⣫⣿⡟⢸⣿⡺⣿⣶⣄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄ ⢠⡏⠈⠒⣩⠽⢛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣛⡛⠯⢽⣚⣾⣧⠇⣿⣿⣿⠆⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⢸⠁⠄⠄⠄⠰⠄⢀⣀⣲⣾⣿⣟⣉⣡⣴⢻⣿⣾⣽⠿⠋⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⡇ ⢸⣤⣤⣤⣀⣀⠄⠄⠉⠐⠒⠒⠺⠶⠶⠾⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃ ⢘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠁⠄⠈⡆ ⠈⠛⠿⡿⠿⡿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⠿⠿⢇⡀⠄⣀⠇ ⠄⠄⢸⠁⠄⢣⠄⠄⠄⢀⡏⠉⠉⡏⠉⠉⠉⡇⠄⠄⠄⢀⠇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠈⠒⠒⠊⠄⠄⠄⠘⠣⠤⠤⠋⠄⠄⠄⠈⠒⠒⠒⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
November 2021

Pepe

Text-to-Speech Playing