[Copypasta] I want to fuck the Samsung girl

Oh my fucking god I want to fuck the Samsung Virtual assistant so fucking bad, every waking second of my fucking life since the release of that fucking ad I’ve done nothing but think about her. I can’t go for more that 2 seconds without getting an erection the size of the Burj Khalifa and ejaculating at Mach 12. I’ve ejaculated so many times to simply the thought of her existence that my cock is no longer cumming sperm but literal fucking blood. I can’t stoping thinking about her even after passing out from the pain of cumming blood. I can’t complete nearly any daily tasks because my mind is continuously invaded by her perfection, I can’t live every day of my life thinking about angelic voice screaming in luscious pain about the new Samsung data plan while I fuck her perfect 3D modeled asshole. My personal hell will only get worse in a matter of hours as I will scavenge every corner of the internet in search of her rule 34 and my continuous stream of blood cum will only get worse as I’ll spend days, weeks, possibly months jacking off to her non-stop for any reason other than to shit, piss and eat. Simply at this point alone in writing this I’ve lost 2-3 liters of blood alone with just the simple thought of her existence. If this is how I die then I wouldn’t want it any other way.
June 2021
I used to be a real ad
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WSB Choose your fighter

Choose your fighter Alex Magikarp 🐟 Elon TechnoCuckLord 🤖+🤴 Jeff Divorcedzos 💔 Salmonella 🐔 Nutella 🍫 Bill "HELL Giga GUH is coming" Clownman 🤡 Chamath, "I'm abouta fuck shit up" Papaya 🍈 Ryan Cocken your butthole 🥒💦 👉👌😳 🥒 Z 🥒 U 🥒 C 🥒 C 🥒 Tim 🍎 Bottom 🅱️ENIS Jack Ma MIA 🤷‍♂️ Cathie "A prayer a day keeps the 🐻s' away" or "Jesus, take my buying power" Woods 🙏✝️
March 2021

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Nyan Cat

________▄▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▄______ _______█░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░█_____ _______█░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▀▀▄▒▒▒░░█▄▀▀▄_ __▄▄___█░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▓▓▓▀▄▄▄▄▀▓▓▓█_ █▓▓█▄▄█░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▀▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▀▄_ _▀▄▄▓▓█░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▓▓▓▄█▓▓▓▄▓▄█▓▓█_ _____▀▀█░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒█▓▒▒▓▄▓▓▄▓▓▄▓▒▒█ ______▄█░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▄▓▓▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▓▄▀_ ____▄▀▓▀█▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄██████▀█▀▀___ ____█▄▄▀_█▄▄▀_______█▄▄▀_▀▄▄█_____
November 2014

Torture dance 4

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣶⣶⣤⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡞⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢃⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢈⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣷⣦⣀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢉⣻⣿⡇⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⡉⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣋⣴⣿⠟⠋⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⡠⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣾⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣆⡀⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣦⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢉⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠂ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴⣾⣿⡿⠟⠉⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⢿⣿⣥⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣶⣿⣿⠟⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣷⣿⣃⡀⢴⣿⣿⡿⣿⣍⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠄⠄⠄⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
April 2019

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Torture Dance

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Obi Wan Shapiro

Okay, so let’s say hypothetically, these weren’t the droids you’re looking for. You see, the droids you’re looking for have the Death Star plans, correct? However, as those droid are close minded liberals, and these droids are free thinking informed conservatives, these would not be the droids you’re looking for. Now, if you were to assume that these droids are the droids you’re looking for because they are a protocol droid and an astromech, then that would actually make you the real racists, as you would assume that all astromech droids have the death star plans. So if this were true, these aren’t the droid you’re looking for.
December 2020

Ben Shapiro

My daughter was born with a hearing impairment

twitchquotes: My daughter was born with a hearing impairment than ultimately left her deaf shortly after birth. I have been working for years to pay for a new surgery that would allow her to hear again. Today was her 8th birthday and I managed to get her what she's always wanted for her birthday, the sense of hearing. I decided to let her listen in on what Daddy has been watching late at night and I turn on your stream and what do I hear? Silence. Now she's crying thinking she's deaf again, Nice job Kripp.
twitch chat
June 2017
Kripp

Classic

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