[Copypasta] How do I properly get rid of a life size sex doll?

I bought a $1000+ sex doll which weighs almost 100 pounds and has a metal skeleton and silicone outside. It's like 5'3 and looks very realistic. I bought it when I was drunk like 2 years ago and didn't cancel the order the next day as I forgot I even ordered it; it showed up on my doorstep like 10 days later in a huge box... I tried to use it once but it is impossible to use because its so cold lol. I have it buried under clothes that I don't wear anymore in my walk-in closet for almost 2 years and every time I have a girl over I have to keep the closet locked and I even have to tell my cleaner to clean all rooms aside from my walk-in closet as I am embarrassed by it. I NEVER litter but I don't know what to do with it. I really want to put it in the back of my truck and dump it in the woods somewhere but I know that is a shit thing to do and will not do it. How can I dispose of it in a environmentally safe way without driving to a dump and looking like I am disposing of a dead body or having the workers laugh at me? I can't cut it up into pieces and put it into trash bags as the skeleton is metal and I just don't have the tools to do it; its a really legit sex doll it is super high quality. My apartment complex has a huge dumpster but its all on camera; should I just go there super late at night and throw it in there? The dumpster is on camera and its for "trash only" it says no metal and no boxes. Anyone have an answer on how to dispose of this thing by myself, quietly and without anyone seeing me? Thanks !! EDIT: Lots of weirdos getting angry at me because I "fabricated this" story/question. She just got a (SFW) photo shoot for you so shut up. https://ibb.co/album/xKkCs1
July 2021
I used to be a real ad
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bad scp writers be like

SCP-██ Object class: ███ Containment Procedures: ███████████████████████████████████████ Description: █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████subject’s genitals█████████████████████████████████████████████
January 2021

Crewmate Amogus Spiderman

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⡿⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⡿⠛⠻⠷⣶⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⠟⠉⠀⠙⣦⣀⣀⣀⣠⡤⠴⡿⣄⡀⠀⠀⠉⠻⢷⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⣰⠋⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠉⠙⠓⠒⡶⢯⣙⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡟⠀⠀⠀⢀⠞⠁⠀⠈⣳⡤⠤⠴⠚⣟⠛⠒⠒⠒⣺⠳⢤⣀⣉⣻⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡿⠶⠶⣤⣾⡁⠀⠀⢀⡜⠉⣧⣠⣤⣴⣾⣶⠶⠶⠶⠷⣶⣶⣶⣬⣭⣙⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠁⠀⠀⣿⠀⠙⢲⣞⠁⣠⡾⠟⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠻⢷⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⢸⠏⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢷⡄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣶⣶⣦⣾⠃⠀⠀⢠⡇⠀⠀⣸⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡄ ⠀⠀⣠⡿⠿⡄⠀⠀⠈⣿⡀⠀⠀⡼⠀⠀⣴⣃⣤⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇ ⠀⣰⡿⠁⠀⠹⡄⠀⠀⣿⠿⣶⣴⡷⠒⠋⠻⡄⠀⢹⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠃ ⢀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⢹⣀⣴⡏⠀⠀⠙⢿⣦⠀⠀⢹⡄⠀⠻⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣿⠋⠀ ⢸⡿⢧⠀⠀⢀⡼⠯⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣷⡄⠀⣇⡤⠞⠉⠻⢷⣤⣄⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⡇⠈⢧⣠⠎⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⡞⠛⠢⣄⠀⣠⠏⠈⠉⡿⠛⠛⠛⢻⠛⠛⠛⠛⢿⠉⠁⣴⠟⠁⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⠃⠀⡼⠧⣄⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣷⡀⠀⠘⣶⣁⡀⠀⡼⠁⢀⡀⠀⠘⡇⣀⣠⣤⣬⣷⣾⠏⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⣀⡞⠁⠀⠈⢣⡀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣇⠀⡼⠁⠀⠉⣹⠛⠉⠉⡉⠉⢙⣏⠁⠀⠀⠀⣼⡏⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⡿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡾⠁⠀⠀⢀⡇⢠⠂⣜⣠⣤⠸⡟⢣⠀⠀⢰⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⣿⡇⠈⠳⡄⠀⠀⣨⢿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡗⠒⠲⢤⣸⠀⣸⣄⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣞⣠⣤⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀ ⢸⣇⠀⠀⢹⡀⡰⠃⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⣹⢉⡽⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣅⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠀⠀ ⠘⣿⡀⠀⠈⡿⠁⠀⢸⣷⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⡟⠘⡅⢇⢸⣿⣿⠇⡇⡸⠀⠀⣿⠀⢀⣀⣠⣼⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⢻⣇⠀⣰⠛⠒⠦⣼⡇⠀⠀⠉⠉⠙⢻⣷⣦⣼⡏⠉⠓⠦⣿⠤⠵⠾⠾⠿⢿⣸⣯⠧⠖⠚⣿⡾⠟⠋⠉⣹⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⢿⣶⠇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣶⣤⣤⣤⣀⣼⣀⣈⣙⣃⡀⠀⠀⢹⡀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣸⣁⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣶⠶⠿⣿⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠈⠻⣷⣄⠀⠀⢘⣧⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⢉⡉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠿⠻⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡷⠶⠶⠶⢶⡶⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣾⡿⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣧⣤⣤⣤⣶⣶⠶⠿⠛⠋⠁⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡍⠙⠛⢿⠿⠷⠶⠶⠾⠿⠿⠟⢻⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⡏⠉⠁⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣄⣀⣀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡟⠲⢦⣼⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤⣀⣀⡀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⢸⣷⠖⠚⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⠀⠀⡏⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣧⣀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢷⣶⣶⣶⣶⡶⠿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
May 2022

Among Us / Amogus

Twitch is ruining my life!

PLEASE HELP!!! Recently my wife has introduced me to a streaming platform known as twitch. I got so into it I spent a full week only watching my favorite twitch streamers like pokimane and sukkuno. All was well until February 15th where I was having a very important presentation at my job. All eyes were on me when I instinctively said KEKW with a straight face and veins bulging through my neck; I burst out of the workplace so fast my shoes fell off and I slammed into my car so hard I created a sonic boost in the wind and cried to myself saying sadCHAMP. Last Saturday was my grandmas funeral and guess WHAT? I SAID F IN THE CHAT GIVING MY MEMORIAL SPEECH. ARRRGGHHHH I HATE TWITCHC ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!1!!1!
March 2022

Hank Hill

⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠤⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⣀⠤⠤⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢾⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣸⣦⣀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⣶⣦⣤⣤⣾⡟⠋⢉⡉⠁⡟⢿⡄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢂⣠⡾⣿⠋⠉⠁⢠⣦⢄⠀⠈⣿⠀⠀⣿⡇⢴⡻⣷⡢⣧⢸⣷ ⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠀⣿⡀⠀⢞⣁⣛⠤⠃⠀⣿⠀⠀⢸⣷⣀⣸⣖⣀⣸⣿⡿ ⢠⡟⠋⠻⠿⠟⠀⠀⠀⢿⣧⣤⣤⣴⣾⣿⡤⠶⠟⠀⠀⠀⠻⡉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠈⣷ ⢸⣄⠈⢹⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡄⠀⠀⠀⠙⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⠀⠹⣦⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⢏⡤⢤⣀⣀⡠⠏⠀⠀⠐⢲⡇ ⠀⠀⠘⣷⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠤⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡀⠀⠀⢸⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣊⣯⣽⣵⣷⡇⠀⠀⠀⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⣧⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⣇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡀⠀⠹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠋⠉⠠⠒⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⡇⠀⠀⠱⢄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠏ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠴⠀⡏
August 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing