I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask;
‘Is it a service dog?’
With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to.
If at first they say ‘no’ I reply with ‘are you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?’with another big wink
Always works.
I love dogs
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Kill the chicken again
KKona
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢛⣭⣥⣶⣶⣶⣦⣭⣭⣛⣛⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡿⢛⣥⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⡿⢫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢻⣿⣿⣿
⡿⢱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠉⠉⠙⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢹⣿⣿
⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⢿⣿⣿⡇⢿⣿
⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⢀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⢸⣿
⡇⣿⣿⣭⣄⣀⠄⠄⣀⡀⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⠉⢸⣿
⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⠈⠉⠄⠄⠄⠉⠙⢿⣿⣿⠆⣿
⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⣤⣄⣀⣴⣶⣆⡀⠄⠄⠿⢿⣶⣿⣿⣰⢸
⡜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⢰⢸
⣇⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢻⣷⡾⣯⡉⠛⠉⠙⢩⣿⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⣾
⡿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠳⠿⠇⠄⠄⠄⣼⡃⠄⠈⢿⣿⠏⢡⣿
⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⢠⣀⠒⠲⠶⠶⠶⠖⠄⢀⠄⣴⣿⠟⠄⣾⣿
⣇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⠿⠷⠄⠄⢴⣿⡏⠉⠁⠄⣼⣿⣿
⣿⣧⡨⡻⡟⠛⠄⠄⠄⠨⣿⣿⣦⣤⣤⣄⣀⠘⠉⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⠿⠿⠟⠄⠙⠋⠄⠄⠄⠠⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣮⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣄⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
My son is learning Twitch speak
twitchquotes:
Kripp I need advice. My son watches a lot of you, and he doesn’t speak English but is learning from chat. He's starting using terms like "pog","jabaited", and "kappa,” but its gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. At dinner my daughter was talking about how she got accepted to college, and my son said "pog you, easy clap". I told him to talk normally to his family, and he replied "Weird champ, normies omegaLOL." I blacklisted twitch and now my son is hysterical, what to do.
twitch chat
Kripp
Response to "go fuck yourself"
What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
Classic
Do you know who I am? I am a 4.0 STEM Major
twitchquotes:
Do you know who the fuck you're talking to right now? I'm a 4.0 STEM major with a full ride to a top ten university. I'm in the 97th percentile of IQ intelligence (the test wouldn't go any higher). I literally tip the scales with my intelligence. I am the furthest thing from a "twitch chat idiot".
twitch chat
Reynad