[Copypasta] Lying about service dogs

I work in a restaurant. We only allow dogs in if they are service dogs. If anyone comes in with any dog I ask; ‘Is it a service dog?’ With a big wink to give them the opportunity to lie to me making it obvious I want them to. If at first they say ‘no’ I reply with ‘are you sure? This dog here? Sure looks like a service dog to me. Are you sure this is not a service dog?’with another big wink Always works. I love dogs
July 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

LS, aka "Low Standards"

twitchquotes: LS, aka "Low Standards", is a commentator for the LCK that is often ridiculed for his annoying personality and questionable game knowledge. He is specifically known for his Annie and Tahm “Thomas” Kench two-trick-pony in low platinum solo-queue..
twitch chat
July 2019
imls

League of Legends

Raise ur Blue Cards

twitchquotes: ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ ʀᴀɪsᴇ ᴜʀ BLUE CARDS ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
twitch chat
May 2014
Trick2g

Shrek is love. Shrek is life

I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
February 2021

Shrek

Classic

Daga Kotowaru (I refuse)

⣼⠀⠀⢻⠿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣟⣒⠶⠿⢿⣷⣷⣦⣟⣻⡿⠿⣷⣶⣭ ⠻⣄⢀⡤⠤⠴⠛⢦⣩⡭⠗⢺⡿⠯⠽⢿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣽⣟⣻⣿⣷⣶⣶⣦ ⠀⠹⣾⠁⣀⠀⠀⣊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⣀⣤⠴⠛⠉⢿⡓⠶⣯⣭⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠀⠀⣿⡟⢹⢠⡞⣡⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣻⡋⠁⠀⠙⠻⣭⣟⡒⡲ ⠀⠀⣿⠶⠾⡟⣆⢰⡄⠀⣠⠔⠋⠁⡗⠀⢀⣠⠴⠚⣉⡳⠄⠀⣠⣾⠿⠈⠙⢓ ⠀⣰⣿⠁⢀⣙⢮⡳⣥⠞⠁⠘⠄⠀⣧⣶⣋⣥⢶⣻⡭⠿⣗⣴⡋⣟⣆⣠⠾⠋ ⠀⣧⣿⠼⣿⠛⢷⣿⣾⡇⠀⢠⡏⢉⣉⣥⣖⣋⠛⠦⢤⣀⠀⠀⡽⠸⣏⡀⢠⠋ ⠀⢳⣾⠀⠈⢩⢹⣿⡿⠁⠀⠁⠸⣄⠘⢯⣉⣉⣯⣿⣳⣮⠀⠘⣇⣠⡬⣺⣏⢣ ⠀⠈⣿⠀⠐⠀⢀⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠊⠓⠄⡉⢩⣭⠿⠀⠐⠒⡉⣯⠞⣧⢸⠈ ⣤⠤⣼⡇⠀⠀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡏⠀⢠⠇⠀⠀⡏⠀⢈⣤⡼ ⢠⠞⢉⣧⠀⠀⣇⠤⣦⣄⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡸⠁⡐⠛⠂⠀⢀⡟⣀⡾⠋⠁ ⠏⢠⡞⣿⢠⣶⣞⢷⠾⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⢁⡜⠀⠀⠀⣔⣫⣾⡿⣧⠀⠀ ⢀⡟⠀⢻⣠⣿⡾⣭⣽⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡼⢡⠏⠀⠀⠀⢸⣧⡾⠋⠀⢼⡇⠀ ⢸⠁⠀⢸⡏⢣⣝⡛⠛⠻⠧⠀⠀⠀⢀⠚⠀⠋⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⢻⢳⢆⢀⣼⡇⠀ ⠸⡇⠀⠸⡇⠈⠌⠉⠙⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠍⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠏⢿⣾⣿⣰⣿⠎⣿⠦ ⠀⢹⡄⠀⣿⢐⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠆⣀⣠⠴⠖⠛⠉⠀⠀⢀⣤⢞⣵⠃⠀⠹⣇ ⢣⡀⠙⢦⡈⠓⠮⢤⣤⣤⣤⡶⠞⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⡤⠞⠋⡤⠜⠃⠀⠀⠤⠛
January 2021

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

I have not been gifted a single sub

twitchquotes: Hey streamer, i just wanted to express my disappointment in your community with this message. I have been a active viewer for the past couple of years and despite my constant effort i have not been gifted a single sub by your community. You should really be ashamed.
twitch chat
July 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing