My female friend was crying about how fat she was and I was trying to comfort her by telling her that she didn’t look that fat but she kept accusing me of lying to make her feel bad so I thought that saying “maybe your just a heckin chonker” would cheer her up and lighten the mood but she just looked at me and left. I hope she realised that I was only being nice and that she is being irrational.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
Qtpie's doctor messages Qtpie about his donger cream needs
twitchquotes:
Hello Qtpie, it's your doctor, DR. Dong calling about your donger cream needs, you havn't picked up your prescription in quite a while and we are worried your donger may be dry and crusty
twitch chat
imaqtpie
Florida Mayhem McDonald's
twitchquotes:
Guys, the color scheme of McDonald's consists of red, yellow, and white. It does not include blac k like Florida Mayhem. Stop spamming about how they are McDonald's already. It's untrue and unfunny.
twitch chat
OverwatchLeague
Overwatch
I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday
Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to see Cars in the theater yesterday, and when Lightning McQueen got HOT with Sally in Radiator Springs, my boner engaged. When Lightning McQueen said "Ka-Chow!", I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and his mom got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on her son. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. You should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over your son, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the movie theater managers didn't agree with me. They KICKED ME OUT of the movie theater, and I didn't even finish watching the Cars movie. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my semen after it already dried out and solidified on the seats. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean semen after its dried out? You CLEAN semen after its FRESH out of your cock, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT sex scene in a movie? Either don't ban sex scenes in movies, or LET ME jack off in your theater, assholes.
10 years since Dota 2 update
twitchquotes:
１０ ｙｅａｒｓ ｓｉｎｃｅ Ｄｏｔａ ２ ｕｐｄａｔｅ． Ｉ ｗａｌｋ ｔｈｒｏｕｇｈ ｔｈｅ ｅ ｍｐｔｙ ｓｔｒｅｅｔｓ ｔｒｙｉｎｇ ｔｏ ｔｈｉｎｋ ｏｆ ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ ｅｌｓｅ ｂｕｔ Ｉ ａｌｗａｙｓ ｅｎｄ ｕｐ ｓｉｔｔｉｎｇ ｈｅｒｅ， ｉｎ ｆｒｏｎｔ ｏｆ ｍｙ ｃｏｍｐ ｕｔｅｒ． Ｉ ｓｔａｒｅ ａｔ ｔｈｅ ｓｃｒｅｅｎ ｆｏｒ ｈｏｕｒｓ ａｎｄ ｔｒｙ ｔｏ ｓ ｕｍｍｏｎ Icefrog． Ｉ ｗａｔｃｈ ｏｔｈｅｒ ｇａｍｅｓ ｕｐｄａｔｉｎｇ ａｎｄ ｇｅ ｔｔｉｎｇ ｎｅｗ ｈｅｒｏｅｓ ｂｕｔ ｉｔ ｉｓ ｎｏ ｇｏｏｄ． Ｉ ｃｏｕｎｔｅｒ ｐｉｃｋ Ｓｎｉｐｅｒ ｔｏ ｒｅｓｉｓｔ ｔｈｅ ｍｅｔａ， ｂｕｔ ｉｔ'ｓ ａｌｌ ｍｅａｎｉｎｇｌｅ ｓｓ． Ｔｈｅ ｅｎｄ ｉｓ ｎｅａｒ． Ｔｈｅｎ Ｉ ｌｏｏｋ ｏｎ ｔｈｅ ｐａｔｃｈ－ｕｐｄａ ｔｅ ｈｉｓｔｏｒｙ ａｎｄ ｃｒｙ ｍｙｓｅｌｆ ｔｏ ｓｌｅｅｐ．
twitch chat
SingSing
Dota 2
I would like to inform you that I busted a huge nut to your shot
I would like to inform you that I busted a huge nut to your shot. My earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen anyone in the near vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or will ever produce, shot out so hard that it ripped my dick apart by my übernut accelerating to 7% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused my building to collapse, and every female in the city to fall pregnant with my children. As I lay dying under the rubble, I rest assured knowing every one of my sons will repeat this glorious act.