[Copypasta] Called my overweight female friend a heckin chonker today and now she won’t talk to me

My female friend was crying about how fat she was and I was trying to comfort her by telling her that she didn’t look that fat but she kept accusing me of lying to make her feel bad so I thought that saying “maybe your just a heckin chonker” would cheer her up and lighten the mood but she just looked at me and left. I hope she realised that I was only being nice and that she is being irrational.
August 2021
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More Copypastas

People need to stop referring to Agilities as Disabilities

twitchquotes: People need to stop referring to Agilities as Disabilities. He is a very skilled player who has worked hard to get to where he is and you're all just disrespecting him by calling him that.
twitch chat
March 2018
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

Hey, vsauce, Micheal here! Why is my peepee hard? Or is it?

Hey, vsauce, Micheal here! Why is my peepee hard? Or is it? Well, ya see, we need to start with the peepee itself. The hardening of the peepee is called an erection. Erection. The term itself shares a similarity with our own predecessors, Homo Erectus. That's Latin for Gay Straight. So, naturally, we can start to fill in the picture. Our predecessors, Gay Straights, also had hard peepees. Which brings us back to modern day erections. You see, an erection is a signal to tell you that you are gay, a leftover device from the era of Gay Straights. But what is "gay"? To quote Nelson Mandela, "To be gay is not to love others. It is to love yourself and to stay true in the face of many hardships and hard dicks." In Layman's terms, Nelson Mandela is trying to tell us to go fuck ourselves. This is vital to know because it puts into perspective the absolute size of gayness itself, divided into unique homogenous subgroups. Such a diverse range is exactly why the flag of LGBTQBBQ communities is a rainbow. But, you ask, how does this tie in to what gay Is? I'm getting there. Gay is a slang term for homosexual, which is to have sexual interest in someone of the same gender as yourself. To see more on the topic of gender, click the annotation on my face now for a playlist of videos specifically on the subject. So, to answer your question, your peepee is hard because you're gay. Hopefully today's little snippet was a good brain train for you. If you'd like to find other fun ways to test your mind mettle, click the annotation up here to go see some of my huge DONGs. And, as always, thanks for watching.
August 2021

Ubuntu logo

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠋⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣶⣶⣾⣷⣶⣆⠸⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿ ⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣷⡈⠻⠿⠟⠻⠿⢿⣷⣤⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿ ⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹ ⠁⠀⠀⢀⣤⣤⡘⢿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈ ⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣿⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢈⣉⣉⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⢡⣾⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀ ⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸ ⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⡿⢁⣴⣶⣦⣴⣶⣾⡿⠛⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿ ⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠿⠿⢿⡿⠿⠏⢰⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
January 2022

Useless Spotify ad

twitchquotes: Thanks for listening to Spotify. No, really. You could've listened to the radio. You could've spun some vinyl. You could've played a cassette tape. You could've listened to an eight track tape, if you knew what an eight track tape looked like. But you listened to Spotify. Thanks for that. And you still have hundreds of more playlists to enjoy
twitch chat
May 2020

Hi, my name is Bill Gates and today I’ll teach you how to count to ten

twitchquotes: Hi, my name is Bill Gates and today I’ll teach you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
twitch chat
October 2014

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing