[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Greetings Kripp, I am Dr. Hannibal Lector

twitchquotes: ༼ つ ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡° ༽つ Greetings Kripp, I am Dr. Hannibal Lector, renowned Psychiatrist based in Baltimore, Maryland. I have heard you are the saltiest man alive, I am intrigued by a man of your... tastes. I would like to invite you for... dinner. ༼ つ ͡ ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡ ͡° ༽つ
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Classic

salty

Sauté the Pepperoni

twitchquotes: First you boil some pasta, preferably Fagottini ( ͡◕ ͜ʖ ͡◕)ノ ~~~~~Then you sauté the Pepperoni ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⊃━ (o o o)
twitch chat
March 2015
Kripp

Troll face 4

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣴⠶⠶⣶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⢶⠶⠶⠶⠤⠤⠤⠤⣄⣀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡾⠋⠀⠀⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⠒⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⢤⣤⣄⠉⠉⠛⠛⠷⣦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠋⢑⣤⣶⣶⣤⡢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣄⡂⠀⠀⠶⢄⠙⢷⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡿⠚⠉⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⢢⠀⠀⡀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠡⡀⢹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠏⠀⣀⣀⣀⡤⢤⣄⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣻⣿⣿⣷⠀⢋⣾⠈⠙⣶⠒⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠃⠀⡀⠡⠼⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⢃⡴⢊⢽⣶⣤⣀⠀⠊⠉⠉⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⢀⡀⠁⠀⠀⢸⣁⣀⣉⣉⣉⡉⠀⠩⡡⠀⣩⣦⠀⠈⠻⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢠⡟⢡⠇⡞⢀⠆⠀⢻⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⢀⠈⠂⠈⢁⡤⠚⡟⠉⠀⣀⣀⠀⠈⠳⣍⠓⢆⢀⡠⢀⣨⣴⣿⣿⡏⢀⡆⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⣾⠁⢸⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣬⣦⣤⡈⠀⠀⠇⠀⠛⠉⣩⣤⣤⣤⣿⣤⣤⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠞⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢹⣆⠸⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣛⠛⠛⣛⡛⠛⠛⣛⣋⡉⠉⣡⠶⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⢀⣾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠻⣆⡀⠀⠈⢂⠀⠀⠀⠠⡈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠈⢧⡼⠉⠙⣆⡞⠁⠈⢹⣴⠃⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⡆⣾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢡⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⣸⡇⠀⠀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠘⣿⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣇⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠡⠐⢬⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣿⣦⣤⣤⣤⣿⣦⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣧⡀⠡⡀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠄⠙⢎⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠀⢿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣤⡐⡄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠂⠀⠱⣌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⠟⢻⡏⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢮⣦⡀⠂⠀⢀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣈⠻⣿⣿⣿⡇⠘⡄⢸⠀⠀⣇⠀⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢶⣤⣄⡑⠄⠀⠀⠈⠑⠢⠙⠻⢷⣶⣵⣞⣑⣒⣋⣉⣁⣻⣿⠿⠟⠱⠃⡸⠀⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠻⣷⣄⡀⠐⠢⣄⣀⡀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠙⠭⠭⠄⠒⠈⠀⠐⠁⢀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠷⢦⣤⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣒⡠⠄⣠⡾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠛⠷⠶⣦⣤⣭⣤⣬⣭⣭⣴⠶⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
May 2021

Among Us is love, Among Us is life

I was only nine years old. I loved Among us so much; I had all the merchandise and the skins. I played Among us every night before bed. Thanking Among us for hours of entertainment I've been given. "Among us is love," I say, "Among us is life." My dad hears me and calls me, "A retard." I knew he was just jealous of my devotion for Among us. I call him, "Sus." He slaps me and sends me to bed. I am crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. I feel a warmth move towards me. I feel something touch me. It's the Crewmates. I am so happy. They whisper in my ear, "Are you the imposter?" They grab me with their hard-working crewmate hands and put me on my hands and knees. I'm ready. I spread my asscheeks for the crewmates. They penetrate my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for the Among us characters. I can feel my rectum tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against their force. I want to please the crewmates. They roar a mighty roar as they fill my butthole with their love. My dad walks in. The crewmates look him straight in the eye and say, "It is all sussed now." The Among us characters leave through my window. Among us is love, Among us is life.
June 2021

Among Us / Amogus

NSFW

Kripp reluctantly crawls into bed

twitchquotes: Kripp reluctantly crawls into bed where a breathless Hafu is waiting. She takes hold of his hand and whispers, "It's ok, I broke up with Jake." He squeezes her hand, let's go, squeezes again, "You're the best female arena player...," Kripp says dejectedly, "But I made a vow to Rania to never love another woman." Hafu runs her hands lovingly down his cheek, "You're not cheating," she whispers, "I'm really Amaz."
twitch chat
August 2018
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing