[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Reynad's large forehead

twitchquotes: when is google gonna buy ad space on reynads forehead??
twitch chat
March 2014
Reynad

Now I have to mod this chat?

twitchquotes: chat, I was in the middle of curling a 75lb dumbbell and climbing into my ferrari when I noticed you guys spamming dogshit in chat. I was about to go hangout with one of my 4 smoking hot gfs and now I have to mod this chat? Pathetic
twitch chat
August 2020

MODS

Crying Wojak behind mask

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣛⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠻⠿⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢫⣵⣾⣿⢟⣫⣵⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣝⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢰⣿⣿⣿⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⡿⠯⠿⢿⣿⣮⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠧⣿⣿⣿⡏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣖⡻⣽⣷⣶⣿⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢟⢻⢸⣿⣿⣿⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣟⣫⣾⣾⣿⣿⣿⣇⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣁⡉⣭⣭⣟⣋⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠿⢿⣿⣹⣿⣿⢲⣶⣶⣮⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣿⡜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣣⣤⣴⣮⣿⣿⣿⣏⣀⣂⣿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣇⢿⣿⣿⡗⡙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡻⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⢻⣿⡟⣿⣦⣝⢿⣿⣿⣯⡿⣛⣋⠽⠿⣿⠟⣼⣿⣿⣳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣷⡹⣿⣿⡇⠝⢿⣿⣷⣤⣙⣿⠿⠿⢿⣛⣿⣳⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⢸⣬⡻⢢⠸⠡⠩⠻⣿⣿⣿⣭⣽⣿⣿⣣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠇⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣦⡁⠲⣶⣆⢮⡙⡛⢛⣛⣫⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⢟⣼⣿⠟⣥⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣰⡺⣭⣄⢴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣷⣶⣾⣿⣷⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
June 2021

My son won't stop using "TwitchSpeak?

My son (14) watches a lot of video game streamers on Twitch.tv. I personally don't find them entertaining but I can understand why some people (like my son) do. Over the past month he's starting using terms like "pog", "jabaited", and "Kappa" which I guess are terms that are used in the scope of Twitch. I don't have an issue with my son using these terms but it's gotten to the point where every sentence is Twitchspeak. We were having dinner and my daughter (age 12) was talking about how she got accepted for a summer program with the local animal shelter, and my son said "Pog you, easy clap". I told him that it was getting out of hand and that he would have to communicate normally to his parents and family. To that he said "Weird champ, feels weird man, normies omega LOL." Until he learns to communicate like a normal human being I've blacklisted Twitch from the internet for the time being. He's hysterical now but I told him that I would unblacklist it if he stopped using twitchspeak, but he's refusing to stop so for now it's banned. AITA?
May 2019

Classic

Am I The Asshole?

You didn't ask? (response to Who Asked?)

You didn't ask? That's amazing, are you a dictator? A god? The most important person in the world? No? Then why would you say that like it matters? "I come out as a homosexual, this is really hard for me and I hope you respect that." "Did I ask?" no, you did not ask, we couldn't care less if you asked, you are nothing compared to the universe. Do you think your opinion holds a higher meaning than anyone else's? You could've said anything, something creative, even an ok or you not saying a word would be better than the phrase "Did I ask?" we get it, you never asked, but did anyone ask about you asking? Even if you said that you traveled the world to find out who asked, who asked you to do that? You didn't ask for their opinion, but nobody asked if you care at all. You aren't creative or smart. Even a caveman grunts and ooga boogas would be better than that phrase. Now stop pretending to be a god and go back to school to learn how to respect people
November 2021

Who Asked?

Text-to-Speech Playing