[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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BREAKING NEWS

twitchquotes: BREAKING NEWS: After brutal anal fisting performed by Romanian gypsy Kripparian, Sandown's anus had an emotional breakdown and cried for attention on the stream of Kripparian.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

BUT AT LEAST WE GOT FREEDOM

twitchquotes: CAN'T HANDLE A PANDEMIC 4Head CAN'T HANDLE PROTESTS 4Head CAN'T HANDLE OTHER REGIONS 4Head BUT AT LEAST WE GOT FREEDOM Pepega
twitch chat
July 2020

EU vs NA

How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022

Imagine the profit!

twitchquotes: soon kripp. you will have enough subs to turn it into sub mode. you will cause a rage so fierce from the common plebs that they will only turn to subbing to not lose their spam rights. you will become the richest streamer on here based off the rage of others. imagine the profit!
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

KAPOW

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October 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing