I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label:
For Women.
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
What if we make Firelands Portal a common?
twitchquotes:
"How did Kripp get 12 wins?" Ben Brode demanded at the board meeting. "You were supposed to be monitoring him, Charlie." "Sorry, I must've fallen asleep. He was streaming some boring action-RPG earlier today." Ben Brode frowned. "The salt shortage is cutting into our profits. We're going to need a solution, quick." Sarah raised her hand. "What if we make Firelands Portal a common?"
twitch chat
Kripp
Hearthstone
I hate the French language
I struggle to find the right words to describe just how much I hate the French language. I'm not racist but I think the world would really be a better place if all French speakers just stopped speaking French and learned a normal language. Nothing about this language remotely makes sense, or is even internally consistent. Why are there so many silent letters? Half the words have pronunciations which somewhat resemble their spelling, and the other half seems like French people just decided to add a bunch of letters so they can act like they're better than everyone else. The language seems like it's deliberately constructed to be as difficult to learn as possible. Why the hell do verbs have different conjugations for you, me, he/she, we, you(plural), and them? Even the English language doesn't have that many arbitrary conjugations.
I made an honest attempt to learn French, I really did, but the language is just filled with bullshit rules for grammar and everything else. Whichever way you look at it, it's almost as if French is constructed to be as difficult to learn as possible. For real, English isn't my first language but I learned it just fine; trying to learn French after that feels like bashing my head against the wall. This is somewhat irrelevant, but I've heard that some French speakers who speak some English like to pretend they don't speak it when you talk to them. Why do you have to make life difficult for everyone, I'm not going to make fun of you for speaking English poorly. That's not even mentioning how metropolitan French has a superiority complex over other variations of French, all neutral observers will agree that they are equally shit. Also I've heard that some French speakers tend to discriminate against people who speak a local dialect of French, as if one version of a language is better than all others. Sure, the same thing happens with English, but at least the English language doesn't suck.
Hello Kripp, this is Optimus Prime
twitchquotes:
Ｈｅｌｌｏ Ｋｒｉｐｐ ｔｈｉｓ ｉｓ Ｏｐｔｉｍｕｓ Ｐｒｉｍｅ ｒｅｓｐｏｎｄｉｎｇ ｔｏ ｙｏｕｒ ｅｎｃｏｄｅｄ ｍｅｓｓａｇｅ． Ｗｅ ａｒｅ ｎｏｔ ｉｎｔｅｒｅｓｔｅｄ ｉｎ ｐｏｕｒｉｎｇ ｏｕｒ ｓｅｌｆ ｉｎ ＯＪ ｗｈｉｌｅ Ｔｏｐｄｅｃｋｉｎｇ Ｄｏｎｇｅｒｓ． Ｐｌｅａｓｅ ｂｅ ａｄｖｉｓｅ ｔｈａｔ ａｎｙｍｏｒｅ ｂｅｅｐｉｎｇ ｗｉｌｌ ｌｅａｖｅ ｍｅ ｎｏ ｃｈｏｉｃｅ ｂｕｔ ｔｏ ｐｅｐｐｅｒｏｎｉ ｔｈｅ Ｎａｚｉ ｍｏｄｓ．
twitch chat
Kripp
Math is "mental abuse to humans"
twitchquotes:
You know how some people say that math is “mental abuse to humans”? Well, lemme tell you one thing: “Math” is an abbreviation for “mathematics”, so you’re only looking at 36% of the whole thing. What does the other 64% stand for? It stands for “except mostly at truly intelligently cool students”! That means, if you think math is mentally abusing you, you’re not truly intelligent or cool! You’re dumb and lame! So the next time someone gives you the first 36% of this ridiculous acronym, give them the other 64%. Don’t forget to tell them that they suck at etymology.
twitch chat
Classic
No YEP COCK today
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⠫⠓⠚⠉⠙⠓⠫⢻⠿⣟⠿⠭⠩⠛⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⠕⠁⣠⠴⠒⠋⠉⢉⣉⣛⣛⣲⣤⣀⠔⠒⠛⢒⣋⣹⣛⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⠎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⣖⡫⠝⠒⠂⠀⠀⠐⠺⣷⡲⠭⠛⠓⠒⠚⠫⠬⡻
⣿⣿⡿⢟⠝⠀⠀⠀⠀⠮⣉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⡿⠿⡆⠀⠈⡇⠀⠀⢰⣿⠿⡆⠀⠈
⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡑⢄⠀⠀⠻⠿⠶⠃⠀⢀⡧⢄⡀⠘⠻⠶⠁⠀⣀
⢧⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣄⡈⠓⣯⣖⣲⠤⠤⠴⠶⠯⠽⠦⢾⣿⡭⣬⡤⣩⣾
⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡤⠴⠒⠉⠉⣁⡠⠤⠤⠔⠒⠒⠶⠶⠦⠤⢤⣈⣉⠛⢼⣿
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠁⠠⠴⠒⢋⣉⣠⠤⠴⠖⠒⠚⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠒⠲⠮⣭⡓⠯
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢎⠳⠤⠒⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢙⣳
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣱⣿
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣱⣿⣿
⣆⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿
⠈⠙⠵⣒⠤⠤⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⣔⣮⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠒⠒⠮⠭⠭⢉⣉⣈⡉⠉⠭⠭⠝⠋⠘⠝⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣮⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
NO 
COCK TODAY IM SAD
COCK TODAY IM SAD