[Copypasta] ⚠️ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021
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Romanian Salt Baron

twitchquotes: POLICE REPORT - Canadian Mounties have at last apprehended the "Romanian Salt Baron" after suspiciously salty whining was heard outside of a dingy apartment in Toronto. The Salt Baron, a morose, balding gypsy man, was at the time playing a children's card game when Mounties burst through the door. The man attempted to resist by "brofisting" the officials, but his scrawny vegan arms had no effect. The man's wife then assumed her true Succubus form and escaped into the Nether. More at 11.
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I'm going all in boys!

twitchquotes: α••β”Œβ—•α—œβ—•β”α•— IM GOING ALL IN B O Y S! Κ• Ν‘Β·α΄₯ Ν‘Β· Κ” Yα΅’α΅˜ OαΆ°Λ‘ΚΈ Lᢀᡛᡉ OαΆ°αΆœα΅‰ Κ• Ν‘Β·α΄₯ Ν‘Β· Κ”
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imaqtpie

I am the PUBG MOBILE elite pro killer

twitchquotes: They criticized me. They called called me the salt mine. They called me the hs arena cry-baby. But look at me now. I am the PUBG MOBILE elite pro killer. Navy SEALs have nothing on me. Get gud chat cause I'm coming for you.
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Shaggy Doo

β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–€β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–€β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–€β–€β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–„β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–„β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–€β–„β–‘ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–€β–„β–„β–‘β–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–€ β–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–„β–„β–€β–€β–€β–€β–€β–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–€β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–„β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–‘ β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–ˆβ–€β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–€β–€β–‘β–„β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–€β–€β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘ β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–ˆβ–„β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘β–‘
September 2021

STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US!

STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US! I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! My friends on TikTok send me memes, on Discord its fucking memes. I was in a server, right, and ALL the channels are just Among Us stuff. I showed my Champion underwear to my girlfriend, and the logo I flipped it and I said "Hey babe, when the underwear sus! HAHA! Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding DiDiDing!" I fucking looked at a trash can and I said "Thats a bit sussy!" I looked at my penis, I thought of the astronauts helmet and I go "PENIS? MORE LIKE PEN-SUS!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
March 2021

Among Us / Amogus

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