I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label:
For Women.
I used to be a real ad
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COCKtober emojipasta v2
Call of Duty is the most realistic video game with the most advanced engine
Meanwhile in Call of Duty, true gamers laugh about Battlefield's primitive physics engine. Arma was an attempt by a failing Czech developer to make Call of Duty 'more realistic'. However due to the fact that Call of Duty was already as realistic as a video game can possibly be, they panicked. They made a shameless rip-off and slapped 'military simulator' on the front. True gamers are smart enough to know this, hence why Arma averages 67 on Metacritic, whereas Call of Duty averages 98-100. Call of Duty players laugh down at players of every other game, knowing they are Call of Duty rip-offs. Call of Duty is the most realistic video game with the most advanced engine. The world's leading video game scientists have confirmed this, so it isn't as much 'thinking' as it is 'knowing'. And Call of Duty can't possibly RIP those games off. Call of Duty was the first video game, so there wasn't anything for it to rip off.
Call of Duty
IM DELETING YOU, BROTHER!
twitchquotes:
IM DELETING YOU, BROTHER! โโ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... โโโโโโโโ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... โโโโโโโโโโโโ]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโ] 99% complete..... ๐ซERROR!๐ซ ๐ฏTrue๐ฏ Brothers of Islam are irreplaceable โชI could never delete you Brother!๐ Send this to ten other ๐ชMujahideen๐ช who would give their lives for ๏ทฒAllah๏ทฒ Or never get called โ๏ธBrotherโ๏ธ again If you get 0 Back: Juhanam for you ๐ซโ โก๐ซ 3 back: you're off the martyr listโ๏ธ๐ฆ 5 back: you have pleased Allah greatlyโช๐ฆ 10+ back: JANAH๏ทฒ!๏ทฒ!๐๐โช๐
๐
twitch chat
I fucked Up DVD
Earlier today I was really horny, and I saw what I thought to be a blank DVD. I thought, DVDs have a tight hole, they might feel pretty good. So I put my soft pp into the hole of the DVD, and for a few seconds as I started getting harder, it felt pretty good, but then, once I was fully erect, it started being painful. My pp was stuck in the DVD, and I had to break it in half to get if out. It was then when I flipped the broken DVD over and realized that it was not a blank DVD, but a copy of the Pixar movie Up.. Well guys, guess I fucked up.
Classic
Trump wakes up chained to the wall
twitchquotes:
Trump wakes up chained to the wall of a small room with Kripp standing over him. Orange Juice begins pouring from the walls, quickly filling the space. Trump screams in horror as he struggles to get free. Kripp walks out, shuts the door and sits down to begin his stream, the white wall of the death chamber visible behind him for all his viewers to see
twitch chat
Kripp