[Copypasta] โš ๏ธ ATTENTION ALL MEN: Be EXTREMELY careful you ONLY buy shower products FOR MEN.

I went to the store one time because I was out of my Men's 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hand soap, and shaving cream and wanted to take a shower. As I was in a hurry I didn't bother to check the label, I just grabbed it, paid, and ran. When I got home I turned on the shower, let the water run all over my body (but not on my ass, real men don't wash that) and began applying my new 5-in-1 lotion. Or so I thought. After I had done so I nearly fell to the ground as pain spread all throughout my body (normally as a real man I can handle pain yet this was somehow an exception). I looked down and my penis was completely gone, however my view was quickly obstructed as my pecs began to swell. I reached up to feel my chin only to realize all the hair in my beard had fallen out. My plans afterwards began to fade as I began to lose my extremely masculine interests. In a panic, I reached to turn off the water and jumped out to look in the mirror, however it must be broken as there was a woman staring back at me. It was in this moment that I grabbed the bottle and read the label: For Women.
August 2021
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The pandemic in 2028 is kinda sus

Year is 2028 The pandemic has gotten so bad we are all forced to wear colored isolation suits with their own oxygen tank and no hands for contact. Those infected are turned into sociopathic murders that try to secretly kill everyone, but still dress and act like the rest of us. I work as a spaceship engineer in the Skled along with 9 other people. We just got notified that one among us was infected, but we still have to keep maintaining the ship otherwise it will explode. We are trying to figure out who it is by voting. 2 of us are already dead and i saw red vent, but nobody believes me. I think the others want to vote me off. This might be the last thing i'll write. Goodbye. Tell me wife i love her.
January 2022

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Tired of getting Sniped?

twitchquotes: Tired of getting Sniped? No problem! Here at Sniper Deflectorsโ„ข we can shield your Arena Queue from incoming Snipers with our new patent-pending SniperShieldโ„ข Technology! Our shield will bounce incoming sniper shots right back to the sniper-guild recruiter (definitely not DRIVEZY), causing them to effectively Snipe themselves! Buy 24/7 protection now for only $24.99/month!
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OURcraft?!?!?

Youtube? More like OURtube, am I right?๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I'll put a picture of Staling next to this, so the meme will be super-duper funny!! Get it? Get it? Cause communism, you know, its about making everything shared, right? So you see, this joke is so clever because instead of saying "you", I say OURS! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคข๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜œ Get it? Get it? Cuz ours is like its SHARED XD. Man, i'm soooo clever. You know what, it seems to me like I'm really good at these camunism jokes, so I'll try making more!! How about instead of minecraft we say OURcraft? ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿคฎ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚ Get it? Cause commanism!!! Oh, how about, whenever I see something that breaks or falls apart, I'll ask in a very clever and humorous way: "What is this, the USSR?" Get it? Its cause the USSSSSSR also fell apart!! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ Or maybe I'll call anything that has the colour red in it COMMUNIST!! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคข๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿคฏ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ Cuz you know, the USssSSSSR's flag is ALSO RED!!!!
December 2020

Emoji Pasta

I think my child might be british

I think my child might be british. Where did I go wrong in all of this??? What steps can I take to save him? I noticed it back in July when he seemed grumpy for our fourth of july picnic. Since then, he's been steadily getting a south L*ndon accent, drinking tea, and watching soccer. The other day I heard him call one of his friends "bruv" on the phone (which he now calls the TELLY for fucks sake!) WHAT DO I DO???
March 2021

British People

Pikachu eyes

โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–„โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ–„โ–ˆ โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–ˆ โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ–„โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€ โ™€โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ–€ โ–„โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆ โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–„โ™‚โ™€โ™‚โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ ๐Ÿ‘๏ธ โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘ ๐Ÿ‘๏ธ โ–ˆ โ™‚โ™€โ–€โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ™‚โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–ˆ โ™€โ™‚โ™€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€โ™€โ™‚โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–€ โ™‚โ™€โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–ˆโ™€โ™‚โ–ˆโ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„โ–„โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–„
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September 2018

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