[Copypasta] To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:

To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday: I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a “bukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling “ETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
August 2021
What happened to this ad? :(
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30% Salty

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November 2014

Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith

twitchquotes: The year is 20XX. Competitive Super Smash Bros Melee has reached its zenith. No longer are matches decided through complex inputs and tactics. It began when some questioned the idea of matchups against characters. The community realized that gameplay no longer mattered, and only the character. Tournaments became complex games of rock-paper-scissors, and eventually another epiphany was had. Why bother with deciding afterwards and wasting time when the match could be decided before it began? Thus, referees decided who won and who lost automatically using a combination of facial recognition AI, mandatory reflex tests, and standardized quizzes and tests on military tactics and stratagem. With time, tests weren't even needed. Judges became so acute at deciding who won and who lost that tournaments happened in seconds, and results uploaded in less. The final destination was reached. Babies were bred and engineered to become the most desirable "players", if one could call it that. Soon, humanity ceased to think, and became mindless slaves to the autonomous ones and zeroes that decided their worth, ironically becoming the machines they once played with.
twitch chat
May 2020

Super Smash Bros

Eddy Pasterino and YouPorn wants to sponsor Reynad

twitchquotes: Wᴇʟʟ Mᴇᴛ ʀᴇʏɴᴀᴅ! ɪᴛ ɪs ғᴀᴍᴏᴜs ᴘᴏʀɴ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛᴏʀ ᴇᴅᴅʏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ. ᴍʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴀɴʏ (ʏᴏᴜᴘᴏʀɴ) ᴡᴀɴᴛs ᴛᴏ sᴘᴏɴsᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴀʀᴅsᴛᴏɴᴇ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴇᴀᴍ. ᴀs ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴀʀ ɪɴ ᴏɴᴇ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇs. ɪᴛ ᴅᴏᴇsɴ'ᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʟᴀᴅɪᴇs ɪɴ ɪᴛ ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).
twitch chat
July 2014
Reynad

ANELE

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣻⣯⣽⣷⣿⣯⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣽⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⢗⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⣾⣿⠿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠛⠊⠻⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⢀⠤⠠⠃⠄⠄⠙⠋⠁⠤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣽⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⢴⠄⠄⢸⣧⣬⣤⣽⡆⣰⣦⢀⣳⣀⣁⣾⡇⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡉⠄⠄⢈⣛⣛⣛⣫⡴⣿⣿⢀⣝⣛⠛⢛⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣤⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣚⠿⠿⢇⣿⣿⣿⠃⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠹⣿⠟⠛⣿⢿⣿⡌⠛⢻⡫⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠄⠉⠄⠲⣦⣤⣤⡶⢀⡘⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⠈⣦⣬⣭⣭⡤⠂⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡀⠙⠛⠃⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
December 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing