[Copypasta] To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday:

To the conservative suburban woman behind me in line at Subway yesterday: I’m sorry I kept referring to Fred’s liberally mayo’d oven-roasted chicken sub as a “bukkake special”. I’m sorry that you kept demanding that your teenage son explain why he was laughing so hard. I’m extra sorry that this turn of events led you to practically yelling “ETHAN, WHAT IS A BUKKAKE SPECIAL?” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
August 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Greetings Tyler1, I am the CEO of MacDonalds

twitchquotes: Greetings Tyler1, I am the CEO of MacDonalds, Big Mac-yler OpieOP . I am writing to you to see if you would be interested in working with us. We would like to harness the extreme amount of salt from your body and use it in our fries. Please reply ASAP.
twitch chat
May 2016
Tyler1

salty

mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale. It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other. But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum. All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse. We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.
December 2020

Can we all stop hating on Amaz for a moment?

twitchquotes: Can we all stop hating on Amaz for a moment? I mean, yes, he is a colossal fake cunt, moneysucking parasite, and selfish prick. But he is one of the few representations of the gay community in Hearthstone.
twitch chat
June 2015

Hearthstone

KappaPride

10% of the playerbase end up doing 90% of the work

twitchquotes: You know what I hate? The fact that we 10% of the playerbase end up doing 90% of the work due to the "leave it to night crew" attitude. I think we need further actualization on the night counter crew if you will. Have you ever heard the phrase: life is about the journey, not the destination? I want to rally people to act in such a way to benefit the good of the stream. I don't like trolling. Its self sacrificial in nature. I am like Jesus in a sense. I troll only because of your sins.
twitch chat
May 2019
TwitchPlaysPokemon

Pro players that go to tournaments are not the best

twitchquotes: The "pro" players that go to tournaments and stuff are NOT the best players in the world, not even close. These are just the best players of the type of losers who have the personality deficiency that compels them to actually go to gaming tournaments.
twitch chat
April 2019
Text-to-Speech Playing