[Copypasta] All intensive purposes

I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.
September 2021
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Flareon is better than Vaporeon for human companionship

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of human companionship, Flareon is objectively the most huggable Pokemon? While their maximum temperature is likely too much for most, they are capable of controlling it, so they can set themselves to the perfect temperature for you. Along with that, they have a lot of fluff, making them undeniably incredibly soft to touch. But that's not all, they have a very respectable special defense stat of 110, which means that they are likely very calm and resistant to emotional damage. Because of this, if you have a bad day, you can vent to it while hugging it, and it won't mind. It can make itself even more endearing with moves like Charm and Baby Doll Eyes, ensuring that you never have a prolonged bout of depression ever again.
March 2022

Pokemon

Kripp invites Hotform to a friendly Fireside duel

twitchquotes: Hotform sees another invite to a friendly Fireside duel from Kripp and wants to move into fetal curl, but his hand is chained to the heater. Rania steps next to his laptop, putting dry bread and tap water down. “Come, Hotform, it is only 3 more hours today. You can even have some lettuce for dinner.” His eyes tear up while he accepts the invite and mulligans his hand, but then he sees Kripp’s first minion: Lucentbark. “No, nononono, please, please! Kill me! Just kill me! CHAT! CHAT HELP ME!”
twitch chat
August 2019
Kripp

Hearthstone

Kripp wash your hands after toilet

twitchquotes: Hey @nl_Kripp , disabled former Streamer here. You're reacting pretty aggressive to your chat's worries regarding your hand washing after toilet. It seems you have something to hide. Let me tell you something: I was there too. I went to the toilet and didn't wash my hands. Nobody saw it, nobody would know it. But chat asked. And I lied. Then I got sick. My hands got infected from bacteria and had to be amputated. Now I can't play games any more for a living. Don't make the same mistake, Kripp.
twitch chat
December 2018
Kripp

My NAAAME is Gyoubu Masataka ONIWA

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀(\__/)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀(•ㅅ•)⠀⠀My NAAAAAME is _ノ⠀ヽ⠀ノ⠀\_⠀⠀Gyoubu Masataka /⠀️⠀Y⠀⌒Y⌒⠀Y⠀️⠀️ヽ⠀⠀ONIWA! (⠀️⠀️⠀️(三ヽ人⠀⠀/⠀⠀⠀| |⠀️⠀️⠀️ノ⠀¯¯\⠀ ̄ ̄ヽノAs I breathe, ヽ___⠀⠀>、__/ you will NOT pass ⠀⠀⠀|⠀(⠀王⠀)〈 the castle gate ⠀⠀⠀/⠀⠀ミ`——彡⠀\ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀🐎
April 2019

PJSalt = Hs²

twitchquotes: Albert Einstein was desperate. He tried to prove that the luck of Kripp's opponents was within the laws of mathematics. Critics laughed claiming bad luck is divine punishment for embracing casualness. On his deathbed, he spent his last seconds jotting down the most famous formulas, PJSalt = Hs²
twitch chat
May 2015
Kripp

Hearthstone

Text-to-Speech Playing