Wun day, a boi n a gurl wer walkin w skool. Dey wer holdin handz and redy 2 seluhbrayt der 2 hour aniverssaree.
Da gurl turnt 2 da boi n say "bbz, do u luv me 4ever?!"
Da boi turnt 2 her n say "NO!"
Da gurl wuz <3brokn n run away frum da boi. She run in2 da street n got hit by a car.
Da boi run ovur 2 da gurl n hold her az she dyieng
"I wuz gonna say, I luv u 5ever"
Da boy den pull out hiz gat n shoot himself ded.
As his bodee hit da assfalt, a bawks rolled of his poccet. A bootyful dimund ring wuz nside.
Liek dis if u cry evrytiem
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas
How I got into Harvard
Many people always ask me how I was able to get into Harvard as a 16 year old who skipped 3 grades of high school. They think I got in because of my scholarly records, but no the key is the interview.
As I sat in the Harvard Dean's office in front of the board of reviewers for my application, the Dean asks me "Why should you be a good candidate for this school?" They seemed bored but I replied "Well I was born a child prodigy, placed 1st in my state spelling bee for three consecutive years, I can speak eight different languages not counting Latin, play four different instruments, I skipped grades 4 through 6, and graduated my high school as valedictorian at the age of 14. I then worked as an intern at both Telsa, and NASA." Suddenly the room burst into laughter and many of board instantly started scribbling down "No" near the application check marks. The Dean says "Sorry but you are just not the type we are looking for." But then I said "Excuse me but I wasn't finished... I watch Rick and Morty" The Dean looked at me like an idiot and said "So....?" Then I replied with a smile "And I understand all the references and subtle jokes" An audible gasp let out by the board was so loud the secretary had to come in. You could hear a pin drop and then suddenly all at once the entire board clicked their pens on the "Approved Box" and I was instantly handed a diploma and now I'm teaching advanced physicals there. I guess you can say I'm pretty smart. 
Rick and Morty
Ben Shapiro YouTube title (not clickbait)
Ben Shapiro TRIGGERS and DESTROYES a libtard so hard WITH LOGIC AND FACTS that the libtrads brain IMPLODES and collapses INTO A FUCKING BLACK HOLE and that BLACK HOLE sucks up THE ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM and WIPES OUT ALL KNOWN LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE (triggered sjw compilation) (not clickbait)
Ben Shapiro
Tiffany's chandelier
twitchquotes:
I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
Hey Kripp, this is Jessica from Vegan Heritage Corp
twitchquotes:
Hey Kripp, this is Jessica from Vegan Heritage Corp. We scanned our ancestry data-base and it appears you're related to the dinosaur known as Willy Vegansaurus the Herbivorous Dinosaur from 194 B.C We have tried contacting him, but it appears he died from a giant 'Meat-eor' sent from Villa the Spaghettisaurus from space. We fear he's making giant meatballs again, we recommend going carnivorous or earth could be doomed again!
twitch chat
Kripp
Emoji move emoji review
twitchquotes:
A ๐ whole ๐ฆ town ๐ช of ๐ฆ beings, ๐ confined to ๐ฆ feeling ๐ one ๐ค emotion their ๐ entire ๐ life. ๐ค That ๐ could ๐ honestly ๐ be ๐ the ๐ focus of ๐ฆ an ๐น entire ๐ movie, ๐ฅ but ๐ in ๐ the ๐ emoji ๐ movie ๐ฅ that's ๐ฆ just ๐ the ๐ world ๐ they ๐ฅ live ๐
in, ๐ and ๐ yet ๐ these ๐ beings ๐ don't ๐ซ question ๐ฉ it ๐ฏ and ๐ carry ๐ on ๐ their ๐ lives ๐ด as ๐ normal... ๐ the ๐ emoji ๐ movie ๐ฅ takes ๐ a ๐ far ๐ more ๐ subtle ๐ approach ๐ meaning critics probably ๐ป didn't ๐ซ notice the ๐ strong ๐ช existential themes present ๐ฒ in ๐ the ๐ film upon ๐ฆ first ๐ viewing.
twitch chat