[Copypasta] KFC rejection letter

Hi Sophie, Thank you for your application to Team KFC. We're cluckin' delighted you're keen to join our flock, however at this moment in time your skills aren't the secret recipe the Colonel is looking for. But we'd love to hear from you again when you have some more experience under your wing, so please give us a cluck if you would like to apply in the future. Best Wishes, Team KFC
October 2021
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Dear Twitch Partners, Our community members are always our priority

twitchquotes: Dear 👋 Twitch Partners 🤝 , Our 👉 community members 👪 are always ☑️ our priority 🛑. We received 📥 some reports ❗ describing ⌨️ the discomfort ☹️ some of our members 🗣️ felt after a Twitch Rivals 🤼 participant used "KE*W" and "mo*kaS," 😶 both emotes are often ⏲️ used in toxic 💀 contexts. Please 🙏 refrain from using such emotes, and use KEKHeim & CaitlynS instead 👍. Best regards 👋, Twitch Team 💌
twitch chat
November 2021

Not your typical 12 year old ;)

twitchquotes: I'm twelve but everyone says I am very mature for my age and say I'm basically 16. Also, I love real bands like AC/DC and punk rock like green day so I'm not your typical 12 year old. ;)
twitch chat
December 2017

Priced in

Don't even ask the question. The answer is yes, it's priced in. Think Amazon will beat the next earnings? That's already been priced in. You work at the drive thru for Mickey D's and found out that the burgers are made of human meat? Priced in. You think insiders don't already know that? The market is an all powerful, all encompassing being that knows the very inner workings of your subconscious before you were even born. Your very existence was priced in decades ago when the market was valuing Standard Oil's expected future earnings based on population growth that would lead to your birth, what age you would get a car, how many times you would drive your car every week, how many times you take the bus/train, etc. Anything you can think of has already been priced in, even the things you aren't thinking of. You have no original thoughts. Your consciousness is just an illusion, a product of the omniscent market. Free will is a myth. The market sees all, knows all and will be there from the beginning of time until the end of the universe (the market has already priced in the heat death of the universe). So please, before you make a post on wsb asking whether AAPL has priced in earpods 11 sales or whatever, know that it has already been priced in and don't ask such a dumb fucking question again.
December 2020

Classic

WallStreetBets

Trolling My Office With Among Us (Part 3)

So I went into work and I started working. I decided to install Among Us to play, right? But my boss was walking by and said "Hey, why are you playing video games on the work computer?" I said that I was playing Among Us and asked him if he was uncultured. He told me to get out so I said "Quit being sus." And I did the funny imposter is sus grin you guys know? And I slapped his face and yelled "EMERGENCY MEETING!" Everybody in the office was looking at me like I just murdered several bosnian children. So I pulled out my dick and said "Look at this little spaceman!" I took off my pants and ran around the office with my dick flying around. The buff guy, Chad, was chasing me but I just got behind him and humped him. I said "good imposters get butt humps." He screamed and punched me. I ran out work not wanting to work with a bunch of REDDITORPHOBES.
March 2021

Trolling with Among Us

Among Us / Amogus

Morpheus

⢕⢕⢕⢑⠁⢁⣼⣿⣻⢿⣟⢿⡻⡙⡏⡏⣟⡽⡹⣹⢪⡻⢽⡫⠯⣻⢛⢿⣻⣿⣿⡿⣧⢍⠝⡍⡏⡎⡕⢵ ⢕⢕⠸⡐⣠⣿⣗⢯⡺⡽⡸⡅⠕⢕⢐⠑⢕⠸⢙⢕⢱⢸⠸⢜⠴⡈⡜⡔⢅⢟⢞⣿⣿⣧⠨⡊⣜⢜⢜⡵ ⢕⢌⢂⢀⣿⡷⡧⣯⡣⡹⡎⠪⣈⡂⣦⣁⣱⡱⣱⣡⢑⣘⡨⢮⢝⢞⣎⣖⣵⢳⣸⣯⣿⣿⣇⢣⢪⡪⣣⣻ ⢕⢐⠄⣸⣿⣿⡝⣮⡪⡪⣊⢎⡔⣗⢳⢪⢻⠾⡻⡿⡻⣗⢾⢗⡿⢿⢻⡻⡾⣟⣶⣯⣿⣿⡇⡎⢆⢇⢇⢿ ⢕⠐⠄⣿⣿⣿⡽⢜⡲⣇⣷⡛⢗⢙⠹⠘⠔⠑⠉⠘⠜⠑⠔⠑⢘⠈⠂⠊⠘⠈⠈⠘⠹⢿⡧⡣⡣⡣⡳⡽ ⢅⠅⠄⣿⣿⣿⢝⢷⣻⡻⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠬⡀⡄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠂⢻⣕⢧⢳⢕⣿ ⠅⠂⠄⢻⣿⣯⠧⢟⣿⣔⠄⠁⡀⡀⠄⠄⠄⣀⠄⠄⡀⠩⠳⠵⠁⠄⡀⠄⢰⣁⠄⠠⠄⠄⠈⢿⣪⡺⡜⣾ ⢵⣷⠶⣼⠏⣿⠹⡙⠄⠁⠄⠖⠂⠄⡀⠄⠄⠹⣾⠄⠄⢔⣻⣿⡳⠄⠄⠄⠈⡷⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⡟⠵⡭⣻ ⡪⡂⡕⡄⢠⣿⣏⢌⢠⠰⡌⡢⠄⠄⠅⠠⠄⠐⠄⠄⡔⣵⢾⣟⣯⢧⢂⢠⢀⠄⠄⠄⣀⢤⢾⢦⣿⣇⢗⣿ ⠜⣔⠄⠈⢘⣿⣯⡖⠔⠑⢜⢐⠁⢂⠄⠢⢐⠐⢀⢕⢝⡚⡟⠿⡿⣿⣪⡢⠳⣭⣊⢆⠣⠣⠣⠓⡯⢷⡣⣿ ⠝⣾⠄⠄⢸⣹⣷⣆⢀⢑⢐⠰⢈⢐⠨⠨⠠⠐⡎⠫⠑⢌⠌⡈⡈⠪⠚⠷⠈⠰⢕⢟⢎⢎⠂⠌⣾⣿⢸⣺ ⢅⠱⢷⢄⡀⢽⣿⣟⡀⠑⡐⢅⢃⠢⠑⠅⢅⢢⠈⠄⠄⠄⠁⠐⠈⢀⢀⢬⢤⢠⢌⠪⠲⢈⠸⡠⣿⢾⠱⣽ ⡅⠄⠳⣝⠄⢸⣿⣻⡜⠆⠌⣐⡂⢅⠅⡍⡆⢧⢑⢦⠕⠔⠤⠤⠤⠳⢯⣯⢿⢵⠥⡧⣑⢄⠃⣆⣿⠃⢑⢵ ⢆⠕⡠⡉⠃⠸⣿⣿⡸⠰⢁⢐⠄⡥⡪⠢⡸⡸⢊⠁⠄⠡⠡⠨⠐⠄⠈⠈⠫⡇⠟⣜⣖⡔⠥⣢⣻⠄⠄⡸ ⡣⡣⡱⡨⠢⡀⢹⡗⡳⡉⢐⠄⠕⡽⢐⠁⠄⠅⠐⠈⠄⠄⠄⢀⢀⣀⣀⣀⠄⠁⠄⠨⣾⣗⡘⣆⣿⠄⠐⡌ ⡪⡪⡢⡣⡃⢆⠸⣿⡢⡸⠂⡘⡩⠼⡄⢄⠰⡐⢔⠑⢍⢚⢙⢊⠣⠓⠝⢚⢹⢕⢕⢡⠺⡒⠕⠅⡾⣤⣐⢜ ⡕⢕⢸⢨⢊⠆⡂⡹⣯⣪⡀⡄⢜⡽⡀⢢⠊⡊⡢⢑⢀⠄⡀⠄⠄⡀⠄⡊⠮⡪⡊⢆⢆⠯⢨⢢⠁⠄⣿⣽ ⢎⢕⢕⢅⢇⣣⡱⠒⢿⡜⣖⡂⢚⡺⣎⢐⠄⡊⡐⠰⡀⡅⣀⡢⣐⢔⡰⡨⡘⡄⡣⡡⣏⡓⠇⠁⠄⠄⣍⣿ ⡣⡱⡡⡣⣳⠞⠄⠄⠸⣿⣝⢮⣶⢪⡗⡄⠠⢂⠌⠆⡅⠇⠇⡓⡘⡘⡪⣚⠪⡪⡘⡜⡂⢪⡃⠄⠄⢀⣽⢿ ⡕⢕⢕⢽⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⡑⠌⠹⢹⢹⢭⢻⡅⡆⡈⡠⠠⠁⡂⠄⠄⠠⢀⠂⠅⡃⠅⠁⡄⡣⡂⠄⢠⢙⢄⢾ ⡕⡕⢵⠃⠄⢀⠄⠡⠄⢈⢂⢀⠄⠁⠌⠈⠪⠒⠢⠐⡐⠡⠐⠠⠡⠈⠄⠌⠄⠄⢀⠌⡀⠊⢐⡴⠩⡓⠔⢝ ⢎⢪⢸⠄⠄⠘⠐⠄⠄⠄⠐⡀⠌⡀⠄⢂⠠⠄⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⡠⠔⠁⠐⠐⡭⡨⡘ ⢕⠅⢝⣕⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠅⠐⠁⠄⠄⠈⢀⠁⡒⡊⠌ ⡕⣌⣄⣿⣾⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠄⢂⠠⠠
February 2021
Text-to-Speech Playing