[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

American Freedom speaking to Kripp

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴀᴍᴇʀɪᴄᴀɴ ғʀᴇᴇᴅᴏᴍ. ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ғɪʟᴛᴇʀs ᴀʀᴇ ʀᴜɪɴɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴛ sᴏ ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ғɪx ɪᴛ ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ ɪᴛ ᴛᴀᴋᴇs ᴏᴠᴇʀ. sɪɴᴄᴇʀᴇʟʏ *** ****. ᴘʟs ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴀʟ ᴘᴀᴄɪɴᴏ ***ɪɴᴏ ****ʀɪɴᴏ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

LUL haHAA ariW

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twitch chat
June 2016

PogChamp

░░░░░▒░░▄██▄░▒░░░░░░ ░░░▄██████████▄▒▒░░░ ░▒▄████████████▓▓▒░░ ▓███▓▓█████▀▀████▒░░ ▄███████▀▀▒░░░░▀█▒░░ ████████▄░░░░░░░▀▄░░ ▀██████▀░░▄▀▀▄░░▄█▒░ ░█████▀░░░░▄▄░░▒▄▀░░ ░█▒▒██░░░░▀▄█░░▒▄█░░ ░█░▓▒█▄░░░░░░░░░▒▓░░ ░▀▄░░▀▀░▒░░░░░▄▄░▒░░ ░░█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░░▒░░░ ░░░▓▒▒▒▒▒░▒▒▄██▀░░░░ ░░░░▓▒▒▒░▒▒░▓▀▀▒░░░░ ░░░░░▓▓▒▒░▒░░▓▓░░░░░ ░░░░░░░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░░░░░░
November 2014

Reynad's Lawyer

twitchquotes: ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽_•︻̷̿┻̿═━一 Greetings, I am Reynad's new lawyer, Gino Pasterino. It appears you are playing one of my client's decks, which is now under copyright at the US patent offices. Please desist immediately or be subject to monetary fines and penalties. No cappuccino.
twitch chat
June 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing