[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

A dirty joke from the 1400s...

A dirty joke from the 1400s... In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband has sometimes taken that road.” From “The Facetiae Or Jocose Tales of Poggio”, a joke book published in the 1400’s by Poggio Bracciolini
May 2022

Kripp is censoring his chat

twitchquotes: TheIlluminati Kripp is censoring his chat. Don't believe me? Look at this: Kripp is a ████. Kripp is ███████ out to g2a. Kripp is a blizzard █████ TheIlluminati SPREAD THE TRUTH TheIlluminati
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February 2017
Kripp

Raid Shadow Legends changed my life

twitchquotes: i used to play fortnite all nite. no sleep! but ever since obama told me to try raid shadow legends for free, i am addicted. this game is a game. it has graphics. it has characters. best of all it has a loot box mechanic to enhance my experience even more by adding another exciting chance based layer to the game! two week ago i spend all my money becoming a raid shadow legend. now i live in a dumpster outside a mcdonalds with free wifi. at night i sneak into the mcdonalds just like my new racoon dad, stripey, taught me to do so that i can charge my phone. through the cracked screen i am still perpetually amazed at the graphics of this game... they look so real! thank you obama, you truly change my life!
twitch chat
January 2020

Chat has just turned into a cesspool

twitchquotes: At this point in the night the chat has just turned into a cesspool. There is no point in trying to have a meaningful discussion with anyone, it's just copy pasta this PJ Salt that. And the worst part is no one in the chat knows how to play the game so they just give ass advice. If this gets copied I will leave.
twitch chat
August 2017

I hate Twitch Chat

Will this affect my Wayne

twitchquotes: Hello, Reynad I have been the butler of a very prestigious family for a very long time. Couple I work for has just recently been shot and killed, I have been left to take care of him but, he has resort to a life of crime fighting which is very dangerous. Will this affect my Wayne.
twitch chat
July 2014
Reynad
Text-to-Speech Playing