[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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Gay chicken

twitchquotes: In high school, I was dared to play "gay chicken", which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay, and the first one to chicken out loses. The other guy and I are both really stubborn, and neither one of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and we run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with out adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect that he's actually gay
twitch chat
September 2019

Classic

KappaPride

Marketing Director for Doritos messages Kripp

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘᴀʀɪɴᴏ, ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴍᴀʀᴋᴇᴛɪɴɢ ᴅɪʀᴇᴄᴛᴏʀ ғᴏʀ ᴅᴏʀɪᴛᴏs, ᴄʜᴜᴄᴋ ᴏʀᴡᴇʟʟ ᴘʏʀɪɴᴏ, ᴀᴋᴀ ᴄ.ᴏ. ᴘʏʀɪɴᴏ. sɪɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴡ ᴄᴀsᴜᴀʟ sᴇʟʟᴏᴜᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴘᴏɴsᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ! ᴀʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ɪs ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇʀᴄɪᴀʟ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴛᴏsɪs ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴇᴀᴛ ғʀɪᴛᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ sᴀʏ ɴᴏ ғʀɪᴛᴏʀɪɴᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴀᴛ ᴅᴏʀɪᴛᴏ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

This is the Vegan Police

twitchquotes: (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿) This is the Vegan Police. We have reason to suspect the food you just ate was not entirely Vegan. Please prepare a stool sample promptly. (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

pepeSpit

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠰⢾⣶⣦⢀⣀⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣀⡀⢿⣿⡆⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⣀⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣰⣶⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡾⠁⣀⠙⠸⣿⡇⡟⣋⣩⣴⣶⣶⣶⣍⢿⣷⣄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠈⠙⠻⢷⡄⠄⠄⢠⣝⡀⠤⣴⣧⣭⠄⡞⠛⠻⣭⣭⣭⡛⢿⢸⣿⣿⡆⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠑⠄⠄⠄⠙⠻⣿⣶⣶⣶⢸⠄⠒⠄⢸⣿⣿⣷⡌⡼⣿⣿⣧⠄ ⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣤⣀⢠⣴⡾⢟⡻⢿⣿⣷⢄⣐⠶⠿⠿⠛⣛⣃⣴⣿⣿⡿⠄ ⣿⠿⠛⠉⠉⢉⣉⡉⢭⣥⣿⣧⡘⣿⣮⣻⣿⣶⣮⣭⣍⣋⣭⣭⣴⣿⣿⣟⣱⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⠟⠄⠘⣿⡿⢛⣣⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠘⠻⠋⠄⠄⠄⠘⢇⣛⣛⣛⣩⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢏⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣶⣶⣝⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣬⣝⣛⡛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⢟⣛⣩⣤⣄
November 2021

Pepe

Based? Based on what?

Based? Based on what? In your dick? Please shut the fuck up and use words properly you fuckin troglodyte, do you think God gave us a freedom of speech just to spew random words that have no meaning that doesn't even correllate to the topic of the conversation? Like please you always complain about why no one talks to you or no one expresses their opinions on you because you're always spewing random shit like poggers based cringe and when you try to explain what it is and you just say that it's funny like what? What the fuck is funny about that do you think you'll just become a stand-up comedian that will get a standing ovation just because you said "cum" in the stage? HELL NO YOU FUCKIN IDIOT, so please shut the fuck up and use words properly
December 2020

Classic

Based

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