[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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Krippis casualis

twitchquotes: Krippis casualis! o͡╮༼ ಠДಠ ༽╭o͡━☆゚.*・。゚
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

I am a concerned mother with a 13 year old child (among us)

I am a concerned mother with a 13 year old child and I am here to seek help regarding my son. Last week when we went to the supermarket, my son pointed to a red trash can and started jumping around screaming “THAT’S AMONG US! THAT TRASH CAN IS SUS! RED IS THE IMPOSTOR!” As soon as he did that, the manager told us to leave. I told him that my son is just excited about something, and apologised. But the manager still told us to leave so I picked up the red trash can that my son was going crazy over and threw it on the managers head. Then my son shouted “DEAD BODY REPORTED.” Can someone please tell me what on earth is wrong with him?
February 2021

Among Us / Amogus

PepePls

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠙⠛⢿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⢀⡀⠤⠤⢄⣀⠐⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠐⠁⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣉⣒⣄⠉⠉⠉⢉⣀⣂⠈⠙⠻⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⡄⠀⠀⠀⠠⠤⣐⠭⠒⠉⠉⠉⠉⣒⣳⠈⠛⠂⠀⠀⣒⣛⡢⠈⢿ ⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠠⣤⣶⠖⠙⠀⡉⢻⡿⣶⣿⣿⠁⡂⠠⠈⢿⠗⢸ ⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠂⠭⠤⠤⠤⣤⠄⠊⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣶⣿ ⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⠉⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠒⠂⠈⠁⠘⢿⣿⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣟⣛⣛⣻⡶⠶⠶⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⡶⠾⢃⣼⣿ ⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢄⡀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠓⠛⠻⠿⠿⠷⠿⠟⢃⣼⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣶⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⢠⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡶⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠃⠀⠀⢀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣇⠀⢠⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡄⠀⢠⠞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠋⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣶⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣴⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣀⣀⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣄⣀⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
September 2020

Pepe

"lmao" should be banned. "lol" is better.

An Unpopular Opinion: "lmao" is used too much on the internet. First, I'd like to start with an analysis, if you will. L - Laughing - describing a sense of funniness M My - referring to the self as the consumer of the humour A Arse - referring to a part of the human anatomy to form a slightly offensive reference reinforcing the laugh reaction O Off - ^^^ "lmao" is commonly used on the internet and especially forums or chat services to express enjoyment of a joke. In some ways, it is parallel of "lol", meaning "laughing out loud". This is one of the most seen acronyms used across the internet. "lmao" is spelled with an L at the front, which in lowercase appears like a capital I. Therefore, newcomers to the internet may try to pronounce it as "eye-may-oh", where in fact the general consensus is "ell-em-ay-oh" (to pronounce as an acronym) or "yl-may-oh" (to pronounce phonetically). The fundamental concept that the pronouncing is not clear cut obviously shows that "lol" is the superior (and far more commonly used historically, as "lol" has been searched for consistently since 2004 while "lmao" only became mainstream around 2015, at a significantly lesser volume to "lol") acronym. "lol" is simple, clear-cut and phonetically easy to pronounce. In fact, if I was to write the pronunciation into text, it would be the same thing as the acronym essentially. Second, the use of "arse". This may not offend a lot of people, but the inclusion of a word that may be rude or inappropriate to say for children in an acronym that may be used in places in the internet where children are. In "lol", no potentially rude words are included and the term is harmless. According to Ofcom, the British broadcasting regulator, "arse" is just as rude as "bloody" or "goddamn" and is considered mild. In conclusion, "lmao"'s use as a drop-in for "lol" is unacceptable. It should be only used to reflect and react to extremely funny jokes or messages, and should not replace "lol". "lol" is clearly easier to pronounce, more acceptable to children, and and is generally an easier to look at acronym.
July 2021

McDonald's BTS Meal

So I was listening to my favorite boy band called 'BTS (I am an army)' on my Samsung earbuds (BTS Edition) using my Samsung Galaxy s20+ (BTS Edition) in my room plastered with BTS poster. Suddenly one of my Army friends (we are BTSSexual and BTSGender) told me that there is a McDonald's BTS meal which almost made me jizz my pants. I ran to McDonald's to buy the BTS meal and came back home. Even though I am an Army (I would have bought their feces if they were selling it), this is intolerable. That was the most uncreative meal ever created. I wish McDonald's would have put Ass-Hair of each members of the band and hidden it in Chicken McNuggets. Like "Hey! I got Jimins Ass-hair in my chicken nuggets! Can't wait to get Kim Teahyung's Ass-hair so I can take his DNA sample and recreate a clone of Kim Teahyung to overrule the world with #Army". bts #army #blm #gaypride #arianagrande
June 2021
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