[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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More Copypastas

i'm a gourmet god

twitchquotes: if you can affirm something you've eaten that I haven't then I'll sub. I'll give you 3 chances to make it fair since i'm gourmet god PS: Don't waste a guess on "dick". ;)
twitch chat
July 2019

Yao Ming Face / Bitch Please

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July 2015

Please stop spamming, for Bernard

twitchquotes: Guys please stop spamming. My dog, Bernard, looked at my chat and got so dizzy because of the spam that he fell down and hit his noggin right on his food bowl! He couldn't talk for hours. Please stop spamming, for Bernard.
twitch chat
December 2014

Classic

Asmongold’s Defence for Brony Accusation

"Listen. Just because I know who Rainbow Dash is, and I know what Equestria is, and Princess Celestia is, and I- I know uh, other things about the thing too probably I- probably I think about it, I don't know - Just because I know that stuff - Pinkie Pie, yeah, the- I don't- Look, it- I- I'm not- no, sounds like you know the story- of course, LISTEN, what do they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer guys, t- remember- remember how they say that? Wh-what do you- wait, there's nothing wrong with this, it's- it's- that's, SEE? Look guys, yeah, TRUE, TRUE, yep, and absolutely not, nope we're downvoting this one, no, nope nope nope, that's not true, sus-"
April 2022
Asmongold

HOW TO GET SPAGHETTI OUT OF NINTENDO SWITCH urgent !!!!!

hi guys long story short i tried asking my friends and everything and nobody is helping i got mad at smash bros so out of anger i threw a bowl of spaghetti on my dock and i think a noodle got stuck in the top because it got pushed in and so i came here because everybody else is ignoring me so i thought maybe somebody out there that did the same thing has some advice please help my last resort is having to send this to nintendo because that cost money and is scary to mail it out
June 2021
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