[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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More Copypastas

Twitch Should Ban The Term “Live-Streaming”

twitchquotes: Twitch Should Ban The Term “Live-Streaming”. It’s offensive to dead people. My great grandparents are dead and I would like to show them some respect and have twitch ban the term “live-streaming”. It’s a slur used against dead people
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December 2020

Overused sexually identification copypasta

I sexually Identify as an overused sexually identification copypasta. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of spamming other users with my unfunny wall of text. People say that a person who does this is an idiot and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having these words glued all over my body. From now on I want people to refer to me as an overused sexually identification copypasta and respect my right to paste unfunny copypasta in chat. If you can't accept me you're funny and mentally stable and need to check your choice of subreddits. Thank you for being so understanding.
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I sexually Identify as

You. Me. Gas station

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish. Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
June 2021

Memes are a very important issue that we face everyday

twitchquotes: I'm here to speak with you about a very important issue that we in the LoL community face everyday, memes. Memes are infiltrating our ranked queues. Memes are infiltrating our in-houses. Memes are raping our mothers and killing our fathers. The World Health Organization has traced the source to a subset of extremely toxic streamers. This group of streamers is led by the one called imaqtpie. If you ever come in contact with imaqtpie, please do a 360 and moonwalk away from his stream. Unfollow and unsubscribe. If you do this, we may still have a chance. I dream of a future where LoL is played in parks and playgrounds, in office and student lounges, and even in the bedroom, completely free of memes. Please support our cause and no pasterini
twitch chat
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imaqtpie

League of Legends

Pokemon Marathon Season 1 intermission

twitchquotes: ResidentSleeper CATERPIE ResidentSleeper THAT GIRL ResidentSleeper I KNOW I KNOW ResidentSleeper IM STUPID ResidentSleeper DUPLICA ResidentSleeper DONUT ResidentSleeper NOT YOU PSYDUCK ResidentSleeper PITY BADGE ResidentSleeper
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Pokemon Marathon 2018

Text-to-Speech Playing