[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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More Copypastas

Hello chat I am famous fascist leader, Adolf Hilterino

twitchquotes: ʜᴇʟʟᴏ ᴄʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴀᴍ ғᴀᴍᴏᴜs ғᴀsᴄɪsᴛ ʟᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ᴀᴅᴏʟғ ʜɪᴛʟᴇʀɪɴᴏ. ᴡᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴢɪ ᴍᴏᴅs ᴛᴏ ᴘᴀʀᴛɪᴄɪᴘᴀᴛᴇ ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ɴᴇᴡ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴀɢᴀɴᴅᴀ ғɪʟᴍ "sɪᴇɢ ʜᴇɪʟ ʟɪғᴇsᴛʏʟᴇ" ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʀᴀɪsᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴏɴɢᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴀᴢɪ ᴍᴏᴅs sᴀʏ ɴᴏ ᴘᴀsᴛᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴀɴʜᴀᴍᴍᴇʀ.
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

I sexually identify as You

Hi, my name is whatever yours is and I sexually identify as you. I use I/me/myself pronouns. If you’re wondering “Won’t that get you confused with me?” you are a transphobic bigot because I clearly stated that I identify as, and therefore am, you. By saying that I can get confused with you, you are implying that I am not you, and denying that I’m you is transphobic because you are denying my gender identity, and also your own because I am you. If you are now wondering “Doesn’t that make you also a transphobe?” then I will answer. No, it does not. ❤️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️
January 2021

I sexually Identify as

Guys I am worried after what my homie did

twitchquotes: Guys I am worried after what my homie did. Me and my homie were bored one day so we got together and always said no homo. We adopted 2 kids and have spent 1 year together and we are engaged and getting married. So one day I am feeling horny and I go to my homie and we fuck, it's good, and I said no homo. 6 minutes in I notice his socks aren't on and then it hits me, he didn't say no homo I am shocked. I asked him to say no homo but he ignored me. Is he gay? Am I gay? How do I tell the kids that?
twitch chat
April 2020

KappaPride

My brother won’t stop saying “ITS MORBING TIME!”

Someone for the fucking life of me help my brother (22) won’t stop saying “ITS MORBING TIME!” he found these words on fb or something and said its stuck in his mind and everytime he wakes up, shits, sleeps, pisses, EVERYTHING he says “its morbing time!” I’m losing my sanity, fuck you morbius. That was very un-morb
June 2022

Morbius

roleplay with you as your online gf

twitchquotes: I just have seen your stream and wanted to say that I thought you were super adorable. you don’t know me at all and i know it’s kinda weird. I just thought maybe it’d be fun to roleplay with you as your online gf maybe? I know you’re straight. I’m a boy that’s why I was saying roleplay.. this isn’t a troll. again, I know it’s really random and weird. I’m sorry. It would just be a fun online relationship - nothing serious and I could donate to you and your stream and support you and just be here
twitch chat
July 2019

Classic

Text-to-Speech Playing