[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Am I the asshole for dropping my 6 year old son at an orphanage for his inability to trade options?

This started about 4 years ago when my son was 2 years old. I started to supplement his picture books and cartoons with beginner options books and Martin Shkerli's live videos on how to pick pharmaceutical stocks. Over the course of these years I feel like he has retained absolutely nothing even though I have spent every waking minute trying to make him understand. I have done almost everything that I have thought of including having Jerome Powell's speeches play while he is sleeping and only having Warren Buffet on the TV to try and make him understand the market. I felt as though I got to a breaking point when he couldn't differentiate between a straddle and a strangle even though we we went through different strategies for almost a month straight. I finally convinced my wife that we were doing the right thing when I said that he will soon be a Wendy's worker begging his wife's husband for a weekly allowance because he will never amount to be anything. I couldn't fathom raising a kid who was not able to able to make a profit from trading options by the time he was 10. With all that said if anyone wants a 6 year old child who is shitty at market strategy check out Eternal Sunny Orphanage in Omaha, Nebraska and maybe your luck will be better than mine with him.
September 2021

Am I The Asshole?

WallStreetBets

mizkifS

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣶⣿⣿⣶⣦⣄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣏⠉⠉⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣏⠄⢘⣿⣿⣿⡄⢘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⣀⣼⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠈⠙⠛⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄ ⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣀⣠⣴⡾⠟⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄ ⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠶⠶⠶⠶⠾⠛⠋⠉⠉⠁⠄⢀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠄ ⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠛⠛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⡛⠛⠃⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠛⢛⣋⣉⣁⣤⣤⣤⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠄
November 2021

That's not his knee

twitchquotes: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) that's not his knee ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

TSM aka "Truly Somewhat Mediocre"

TSM aka "Truly Somewhat Mediocre" is a North American team that consistently underperforms in all international tournaments. It is specifically known for having a weak early, mid, and late-game.
February 2022

League of Legends

Furry

⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠉⠻⣷⣦⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⡶⠟⠋⢻⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢰⠇⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣧⣤⣄⣀⣤⣤⣾⡟⠉⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠘⡄⠀⢀⣠⣴⠟⠋⠉⠀⠀⠈⠙⠻⠿⣷⣀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢐⣦⡾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⣾⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢀⢾⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⢀⣀⣰⣾⡿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⡇⡀⠀⠀⣀⣿⣻⡗⠀⠰⣛⣍⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡇⠀⢰⢧⡻⢎⠿⠆⠼⣏⠻⣣⠀⠀⠈⢻⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢡⠀⢠⣶⠖⠃⠐⠂⠀⠈⠉⢉⠀⢀⡄⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⡠⠒⠛⠻⣮⠈⣿⣦⡀⠰⡷⡇⠀⢀⣽⣂⣿⣇⣿⣇⠀⣀⡤⠤⢀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣞⠀⠀⠀⡀⣼⣿⣿⣿⠛⡳⠦⠖⠀⡘⣿⣿⠃⢻⣿⣿⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠈⢂ ⠀⢸⡟⢀⠀⢸⡇⣿⢿⣿⠟⠑⠑⢄⠀⠀⡾⠟⡏⠀⢸⠀⠃⠀⣰⡖⠀⠀⢀⢸ ⣰⠀⠃⢸⠆⢼⣷⠙⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠓⠎⠆⠀⠈⢲⣤⡄⠀⢰⡿⢃⣴⣶⣼⡏ ⣿⠀⠀⠈⠀⠈⠀⠀⡾⣅⣀⡀⢀⠀⠀⢸⡄⣠⡾⠛⠉⣿⣦⡿⠇⠀⠉⠉⠁⠀ ⣿⣄⠀⠀⢀⡷⠀⠸⡇⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠙⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢿⣿⣿⣦⣼⡅⠀⠀⣷⣦⡀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣶⣶⣤⣀⣤⣾⠇⠀
July 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing