[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
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Watch Kripp's stream as punishment

twitchquotes: I'm typing this from prison where we are forced to watch Kripp stream as our punishment. If he gets to 12 wins we will all be let go. Otherwise we will be executed tomorrow morning. Please Kripp, we're all rooting for you BlessRNG
twitch chat
May 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

Reynad's Lawyer

twitchquotes: ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽_•︻̷̿┻̿═━一 Greetings, I am Reynad's new lawyer, Gino Pasterino. It appears you are playing one of my client's decks, which is now under copyright at the US patent offices. Please desist immediately or be subject to monetary fines and penalties. No cappuccino.
twitch chat
June 2014
Kripp

Kripp 2

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠄⢠⣾⣷⣔⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⣀⣼⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣏⠄⢘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⠿⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣧⠄⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⣯⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠉⢻⣿⣟⠉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠤⣼⣿⠄⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣿⣶⣄⠼⠶⣖⣶⣼⣿⣿⣾⣶⣔⣀⣓⣦⣿⣿⣿⢺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢹⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣎⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⢪⣄⣤⠄⠐⠈⠙⠛⠛⠉⠄⠉⠛⠢⣽⣾⡿⠄⠘⡹⠿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⠈⠹⣧⣀⣠⡤⠴⠶⠶⠶⢦⣴⣤⣤⣿⠃⠁⢠⣮⡟⢰⣿⢟⣽ ⣿⢙⢮⣻⣿⡁⠄⠄⠉⠙⢿⣿⣦⡀⡀⣀⣼⣿⡿⢻⠂⠄⢠⣿⣿⢁⣿⢃⣿⣿ ⣦⡐⣼⣿⣿⣧⠄⡗⣄⡀⠈⠙⠛⠛⠚⠛⠋⠋⠄⢀⠄⣠⣿⣿⣿⡿⣱⣿⣿⣿
November 2020
Kripp

Lenny face brick wall

twitchquotes: ( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬
twitch chat
July 2019

Classic

Hello gentleman, I have suffered a loss of 69K

Hello gentleman, I regretfully wish to share with you all that I shant comment on this Internet forum henceforth. As of the time of my arrival in this past autumn, I have suffered a loss of 69K. By the blessing of Lady Luck, I am still experiencing a positive net balance of 420%, so I have come to the conclusion I must liquidate my insignificant phallus account. I shall use this fortune for procuring a vaginal enlargement and acquire tremendous breasts for my OnlyAristocracy parchment. Or I may be devilish and maintain an investment position in TournamentCease. I am short of hours of leisure in life, training dogs to consume peanut butter from the reaches of my posterior and can not bare the rapid change of value of my investment holdings of 40 point 7 grand. I am aware that you, my peers of this financial derivatives Internet forum are filled with ecstasy to become privy to this, so copulate with yourself, I desire you all to be ablaze in nonheteronormative ursine hell in tandem with Sadam.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

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