[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
I used to be a real ad
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Unbench the kench

twitchquotes: UNROLL THE TADPOLE OSFrog UNCLOG THE FROG OSFrog UNLOAD THE TOAD OSFrog UNINHIBIT THE RIBBIT OSFrog UNSTICK THE LICK OSFrog UNIMPRISON THE AMPHIBIAN OSFrog UNMUTE THE NEWT OSFrog UNBENCH THE KENCH OSFrog PERMIT THE KERMIT OSFrog DEFOG THE POLLIWOG OSFrog
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The Black Rat, Rattus Rattus

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Kiwi's Father, Pineapple

twitchquotes: Imaqtpie, this is Kiwis father, Pineapple, I must ask you to wake Kiwi up ASAP, otherwise he will be late for kindergarten! Do it preferably with a loud scream. Pls no fruiterino pasterino
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July 2014
imaqtpie

Ban Hammer

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢉⣴⣶⣌⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢃⣴⣿⣇⡙⢿⣷⣄⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡟⢋⣴⣿⣿⣄⠨⣍⡀⠙⣿⡇⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡿⢉⣴⣿⣿⡈⣉⠛⢷⣌⣻⣿⠟⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⢃⣴⠿⢋⣉⠻⢧⡈⢴⣦⣾⠟⢡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡘⢿⣷⣌⠁⣶⢌⣿⣾⠟⢡⣶⣌⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣷⣦⠙⢿⣷⣤⣾⠟⣡⣶⣦⠙⢿⣷⣌⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣆⣉⣉⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⡙⢿⣷⣄⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣤⡙⢿⣷⣌⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⠙⢿⣷⣌⠹⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⡙⢁⣴⣦⠙ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⠛⢋⣴
December 2019

Quibi is shutting down

twitchquotes: Quibi is shutting down. What’s the fuckin point anymore? Now what am I supposed to do when I go to a restaurant and they tell me my table won’t be ready for another eight minutes? How am I supposed to pass those eight minutes using a cell phone and internet connection without quibi exclusive content only available on quibi? Where else can i get “quick bites” of content streaming directly to my mobile phone for viewing on the go? As if 2020 wasn’t bad enough now I can’t watch any more murder house flip, the show where they renovate houses where human beings have lost their lives at the hands of their loved ones and sell those houses to rich cosmopolitan couples looking to move out of the city? What’s the point? I for one am not “content” with the current state of the “content”
twitch chat
October 2020
Text-to-Speech Playing