[Copypasta] How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022
Waiting for adblock to be disabled
More Copypastas

I hate British people

Lame ass British motherfucking broken teeth tea drinking small country weird accent monocle top hat wearer bitchass motherfuckers with their poor hygiene and dental care and a shitty bitchass old ass motherfucking queen that was alive during the fucking Boston tea party just to say “OH WHAT BLOODY WANKERS” towards the Americans who made the smart ass decision to throw their dumbass motherfucking tea into the fucking BOSTON HARBOR then say “see you” and get the fuck out and start a new nation and shit cause they couldn’t tolerate people who put the letter “u” into the word color and call cookies fucking BISCUTS, the British cant even see straight with their crossed-ass eyes and their messed up teeth and EVERYTIME they take a bite atleast 8 of their teeth on their crooked-ass jaws are shoved into their tongues and the top of their worthless ass bitchass motherfucking mouths and then, with a mouth full of blood, they’ll say “OH HOW FUCKING SCRUMPTIOUS” like shut the fuck up bitch no one wants to hear your accent that sounds worse than motherfucking nails on a chalkboard. Just. SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. Lameass wankers.
February 2021

British People

Yo Mama guy

⠀⣴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡧⠀⠀⠀ ⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣁⠀⠀⠀ ⠈⠣⢴⡖⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣤⣤⠶⣏⣠⡤⠀⣀⠀⣀⠀⠀⣠⡄⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠀⠉⠻⡦⠀ ⠀⣰⡏⢀⡀⠀⢠⡄⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠇⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛⠾⠿⡤⠟⠛⠛⠛⠳⠶⠺⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣤⠤⠴⠃⠀ ⠀⢾⣤⣿⢀⡀⢸⡀⣠⣿⡇⠀⡀⠀⢠⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢞⣋⢉⡛⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⣯⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠻⣾⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠁⠉⡿⠀⠈⠉⣿⠘⠧⠼⠳⠶⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠟⠉⠁⠀⠁⠑⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⢤⣄⠚⢻⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠠⣇⣴⠄⠀⢻⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠠⡾⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢷⠀⢢⡆⠀⠰⠶⡶⠀⠀⠀⣾⠋⠀⡀⢻⣧⠛⠛⣦⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢿⣰⣇⢸⣇⡭⣑⡄⠀⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡈⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⠁⢸⠇⠀⣼⣿⠀⢻⡂⠀⢸⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠈⢹⠋⠀⠈⠻⡄⠰⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⡴⠒⠉⣉⣉⣉⣉⣹⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠹⣸⠀⢠⣿⣿⡇⢸⡇⠀⠿⣄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢏⣡⠔⠋⠉⠉⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⡆⢸⣿⣿⡇⣸⠇⠀⠀⢸⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠳⣶⠂⠉⣙⣻⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠷⠶⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⠛⢹⡇⣿⠀⢠⣤⠞⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠱⣤⡞⠁⠀⠹⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡤⠶⢮⣸⠏⠀⢀⡹⠂⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣅⠀⠀⠀⢹⣆⠀⠀⢠⣤⡀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠿⠶⠶⠾⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⣤⠀⠀⠸⣇⣀⣼⢡⣤⣤⠵⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠷⣄⠀⠀⢿⡆⠀⢠⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡄⢸⡇⠀⠀⠈⣿⣶⣼⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣆⠈⢷⠀⣾⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡾⠁⣸⡿⠘⣷⣄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣀⣠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣽⡆⠈⠛⢁⣀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣤⣤⡴⠖⠛⠉⠀⣴⠟⠁⠀⣷⠙⠛⠿⢿⣿⡿⠿⠟⠋⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣥⣿⣶⠛⠋⠉⠉⢉⣩⡭⠿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠀⠀⠀⠀⣘⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠏⠑⡶⠖⢻⠏⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠈⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠇⠀⠈⢷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⡗⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠃⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⠴⠞⠋⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⢇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⠖⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⣄⠀⠀⢈⣁⣀⣤⡤⢴⣶⠿⠛⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣾⣯⣥⣤⠤⢤⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠳⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
September 2021

I'm already Tracer

twitchquotes: ❓ Maybe I’ll be Tracer 😛💨🕰️ ❗ I’m already Tracer 🏳️‍🌈👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 ❔ What about Widowmaker 💜🕷️ ❕ I’m already Widowmaker 🕸️ 👌🏿💯I’ll be Bastion 🤖 🚫 N͘͞E͞͠R̷͘F͟ ͞͠BAS̢͞Ţ͢IO̢N͟҉҉ ⚰️ 🤷 You’re right; so, Winston 🐵👍🏿 🍌 I wanna be Winston 🦍 🗡️ I guess I’ll be Genji 🐱‍👤 😏 I’m already Genji 👤 💀 Then I’ll be McCree 🤠👌 🔫 I already chose McCree 🕛☠️ ✋ I have an idea 🙋 ❓ What’s your idea? 🤔 🙌 You should be— 😇🦶 🙅 I’m not gonna be Mercy ‼️✨
twitch chat
November 2018

Emoji Pasta

Overwatch

I wore a mask at Target today

I wore a mask at Target today. Three of my lungs collapsed as I got carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing in my own bacteria. A brave patriot wearing an Affliction shirt, a MAGA hat, and sweet wrap around sunglasses saved me by giving me CPR. I thanked him and asked if he was a doctor and he said "who needs doctors when we have our fellow Americans, the ones who are here legally I mean." I hugged him and threw my mask on the ground. The Star Spangled Banner played on the speaker system as everyone in the store ripped off their masks and threw them on the ground, chanting "down with communism!" God, Jesus, and all the angels looked down upon us from Heaven and clapped.
June 2020

Coronavirus

COVID

PepegaPhone

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢴⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣄⡀⢠⣤⣄⣀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣟⣉⣠⣤⣤⣤⣉⡻⢿⣇⣠⣤⣤⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢋⣁⣄⡈⠻⣿⢃⣴⠷⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⡴⠶⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣩⣭⣭⣄⡀⠛⢡⣾⡏⠉⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⡏⠄⠄⠢⠘⣿⣿⣿⠘⣿⣿⡿⠁⠙⣿⡄⢸⣿⡇⢰⡷⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣼⣧⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⠋⣷⢸⣿⠇⢰⠆⣿⡇⠈⢿⡿⠆⠄⣠⡄ ⠄⠄⣀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣆⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣇⢿⡌⠻⣤⣤⠶⠟⣁⠐⡖⠒⠂⢉⣩⣀ ⠄⣼⣿⣿⡿⠛⣥⣤⣤⡄⠄⠘⠋⠛⠿⡌⠛⠳⠶⠆⣠⣴⣿⣷⡘⢋⣽⣿⡿⠟ ⣼⣿⣿⣿⡇⢸⣇⡈⠟⢠⣄⣰⢏⡠⠄⠰⢶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⣟⣡⠴⠄ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠈⣿⣷⠄⢸⣿⣿⣯⣠⠞⣠⣈⠻⠿⠿⢿⣛⣉⠤⠶⠛⣫⡀⠄⠄ ⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠙⢿⡄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣷⣾⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠨⣻⡄⣀⣴⠏⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⡖⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⣠⣾⡿⠇⣀⡀⠄⠄⠁⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠛⠿⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣤⣤⣴⠶⠟⠛⠉⠙⠛⠛⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠻⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
November 2021

Pepe

Text-to-Speech Playing