[Copypasta] An exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke

Greetings. My name is Beef, and today I would like to present an exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke. I will now begin. Your biological mother is so morbidly obese, when she went to go get her yearly physical done, the doctor took her blood and the results concluded that she had a high blood pressure, onset type 2 diabetes, hypertension and the possibility of heart disease. She also suffers from severe depression, because she lacks confidence in her physical appearance, which enables her to consume even more food, making her more obese. Not to mention, but your mother is becoming so monstrous, she had a hard time fitting through small spaces and exceeding weight limits on practical applications. Your mother has an endless cycle of malicious eating habits that only make her health worsen over time. I hope whoever has just read this enjoyed the humorous "your mother" joke. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.
April 2022
(ā–€ĢæĹĢÆā”œā”¬ā”“ā”¬ā”“ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

Pro players that go to tournaments are not the best

twitchquotes: The "pro" players that go to tournaments and stuff are NOT the best players in the world, not even close. These are just the best players of the type of losers who have the personality deficiency that compels them to actually go to gaming tournaments.
twitch chat
April 2019

Raid Shadow Legends ad script

twitchquotes: RAID: Shadow Legendsā„¢ļø is an immersive online experience with everything you'd expect from a brand new RPG title. It's got an amazing storyline, awesome 3D graphics, giant boss fights, PVP battles, and hundreds of never before seen champions to collect and customize. I never expected to get this level of performance out of a mobile game. Look how crazy the level of detail is on these champions! RAID: Shadow Legendsā„¢ļø is getting big real fast, so you should definitely get in early. Starting now will give you a huge head start. There's also an upcoming Special Launch Tournament with crazy prizes! And not to mention, this game is absolutely free! So go ahead and check out the video description to find out more about RAID: Shadow Legendsā„¢ļø. There, you will find a link to the store page and a special code to unlock all sorts of goodies. Using the special code, you can get 50,000 Silver immediately, and a FREE Epic Level Champion as part of the new players program, courtesy of course of the RAID: Shadow Legendsā„¢ļø devs.
twitch chat
November 2020

To be fair, you need a very high IQ to understand The Bible

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand The Bible. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Jesusā€™s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike The Bible truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Godā€™s existential catchphrase "Never trust anyone completely but God." which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as King James's genius wit unfolds itself on the pages. What fools.. how I pity them. šŸ˜‚ And yes by the way, I DO have a Bible tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.
August 2021

Use this šŸ‘Œ if you disagree for the banning of this šŸ‘Œ

twitchquotes: Use this šŸ‘Œ if you disagree for the banning of this šŸ‘Œ on Overwatch and other e-sports. Itā€™s the okay sign for godā€™s sake. And it means 9 in sign language. šŸ‘Œ
twitch chat
April 2019
OverwatchLeague

Overwatch

Having to call a judge ā€œyour honorā€ is so cringey (found on /r/unpopularopinion)

ā€œYour Honorā€. I mean gimmie a fuckinā€™ break, dude. What else do you want me to call you? Your highness? Do you want me to fondle your nuts while I blow you, too? Iā€™ve seriously seen courtrooms where theyā€™ll say ā€œSirā€ and the judge will be like ā€œItā€™s ā€œYour Honorā€ young man!!ā€ Fuck off. How much of an egotist you gotta be to care about some medieval-ass title? Use ā€œSirā€ like everybody else. Itā€™s some LARPING Iā€™d expect kids to do. ā€œOh Billy you have to call me supreme ruler snorlax the magical wizard!!1!ā€ Shut up. EDIT: Iā€™m literally 22 and have never been in front of a judge, yā€™all, please relax and slow down with the theory crafting/ story writing. EDIT 2: A lot of people are saying ā€œitā€™s just a title, like Doctor!ā€. Judges have a title like ā€œDoctorā€, itā€™s called ā€œJudgeā€ - Doctors donā€™t expect us to call them ā€œThy Healerā€ or some crap like that.
August 2021
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing