Greetings. My name is Beef, and today I would like to present an exceedingly excellent "your mother" joke. I will now begin.
Your biological mother is so morbidly obese, when she went to go get her yearly physical done, the doctor took her blood and the results concluded that she had a high blood pressure, onset type 2 diabetes, hypertension and the possibility of heart disease. She also suffers from severe depression, because she lacks confidence in her physical appearance, which enables her to consume even more food, making her more obese. Not to mention, but your mother is becoming so monstrous, she had a hard time fitting through small spaces and exceeding weight limits on practical applications. Your mother has an endless cycle of malicious eating habits that only make her health worsen over time.
I hope whoever has just read this enjoyed the humorous "your mother" joke. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.
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Hello Miguel Santander, this is your cat, Mellow Cat
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Hello Miguel Santander, this is your cat, Mellow Cat, I heard that you were complaining about my excesive meowing. I dont complain about having to hear you talk to yourself for 8 hours while playing that stupid game so I expect the same. Come here and feed me scrub 
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Kripp commits sudoku over spilled OJ
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The Kripp goes to grocery store. He sees the OJ and yells : Well met ! An old lady next to him get so startled she drops her OJ. Kripp commits sudoku, overcome by grief. RIP in piece Kripp.
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Biden at a CNN townhall with Don Lemon
Biden: Yo- uh, y-you, y-you got the vaccination?
Don Lemon: Yeah.
Biden: A-Are you... Are you okay? I mean, you seem... no, it works, or you, you know, or, or, or, or the mom and dad, or or, or, or, or the neighbor, or when you... go to church, or when youβre β n-no, I-I-I-I really mean it, there... are trusted interlocutors. Think of the people, if-if your kid wanted to find out whether or not there were β thereβs a man on the moon, or, or whatever, you know, something, or, you know, whether those aliens are here or not. You know, who are the people they talk to beyond the kids who love talking about it?
You have been gifted the Golden Kappa!
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ββββββββββββββββββββββββ 
You have been gifted the Golden Kappa!ββββββββββββββββββββββββ
You have been gifted the Golden Kappa!ββββββββββββββββββββββββ
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Classic
AITA for ending my marriage over Animal Crossing??
I (65m) and my wife 24(f) have been together for 8 years, married for 4. All my friends are jealous that i was able to score such a hot young woman but itβs starting to cause some problems in our relationship believe it or not.
When the pandemic hit, I was very nervous since Iβm not in great health. We decided to buy the Nintendo Switch and play this game called Animal Crossing. I guess itβs popular with the kids?
Anywho, we start building this town and everything was fine at first. Then, my wife decides that she wants to remodel the town. No problem. But she starts cutting down all the trees, destroying the cliffs, removing the river, etc... I told her this is out of line. We should respect nature not destroy it. Her answer? It was ugly and she didnβt like to walk the long way around.
She also takes all of my hard earned money from fishing and gambles it all away on turnip stocks. Last week she spent 400k on turnips and sold them for 260k. Do you know how many red snappers I need to catch to make that back up? Iβm trying to retire soon and itβs making me think she doesnβt know how to manage money.
What really drove me to the breaking point, my best friend Boon is on the island and we really get along. He likes to lift weights, so do I. I log into the game one day and build him a gift. When I try to find him, heβs nowhere to be found... I ask, where is boon? She doesnβt answer. Where is Boon ?? She says βI kicked him off the island, he was annoyingβ. Reddit, she kicked my best friend off the island without even talking to me.
The next day I filed for divorce and kicked her out. Iβm keeping the switch and rebuilding our town. Hopefully Boon comes back. AITA or did I doge a bullet with my sociopathic (ex)wife?
Edit: Thank you all for the support and messages over the last 24hrs. Itβs been a wild day but the good news is that after a few hours of island hopping I was able to find Boon and convince him to come back to my island. Seems like things are heading in the right direction.