"why are you gay"
i dont know.. one day i woke up and saw a mans ass, then i bit my lip and then he turned around and bit his lip too. then we fucked all night and forgot to say no homo, but he was fine with it. since then we've been fucking everyday, he's really vocal in bed and i love having fun with him πππ so thats why im gay. im pretty sure his name is [ur dads name here] he's really good in bed.
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American Test Passed
twitchquotes:
β Obesity β π₯π« β Laziness β Stupidity β π΅ β McDonald's β Donald Trump β $70k College β Bad healthcare β Bad food β Bad music β Fahrenheit β Pounds β Inches β AMERICAN TEST PASSED
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Classic
EU vs NA
Comedy God has entered the building: Attack Helicopter
I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter
WEE WOO WEE WOO
ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER!
steps on stage
Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!"
Comedy God: "Heh..."
adjusts fedora
the building is filled with fear and anticipation
God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense
comedy god clears throat
everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard
world leaders look and wait with dread
everything in the world stops
nothing is happening
comedy god smirks
no one is prepared for what is going to happen
comedy god musters all of this power
he bellows out to the world
"ATTACK"
absolute suspense
everyone is filled with overwhelming dread
"HELICOPTER"
all at once, absolute pandemonium commences
all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once
giant brawls start
43 wars are declared simultaneously
a shockwave travels around the earth
earth is driven into chaos
humanity is regressed back to the stone age
the pure funny of that joke destroyed civilization itself
all the while people are laughing harder than they ever did
people who aren't killed die from laughter
literally the funniest joke in the world
then the comedy god himself posts his creation to reddit and gets karma
Classic
France always loses wars to England?
Youβre right, France does always lose wars to England. Except: The Norman invasion 1066. The Anglo-French War 1213-1214. Anglo-French War 1294-1303. War of Saint-Sardos 1324. Hundred Yearsβ War 1337-1453. War of the league of Cambrai 1512-1514. Italian War of 1542-46. The Rough Wooing 1543-1550. Italian War of 1551-59. English expedition to France 1562-1563. The Anglo-French War 1627-1629. Second Anglo-Dutch War 1665-1667. The Nine Yearsβ War 1688-1697. The American Revolutionary War. War of the French Revolution 1793-1802. Anglo-Spanish War 1796-1808. War of the First Coalition. War of the Second Coalition. War of the Third Coalition. War of the Fourth Coalition. And the War of the Fifth Coalition.
But aside from all those England always beats France.
IF YOU TOUCH THE ARMOR, GO TO SLEEP
twitchquotes:
SLEEP TEST π‘οΈ IF YOU TOUCH THE ARMOR, GO TO SLEEP β 
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Hearthstone
If my girl and PPMD both drowning
if my girl π
and PPMD 
both drowning π±
and I can only save one π€
π¬
Catch me at my girlβs funeral π
chanting STACK π
IT π
UP π
π
π―
π
π
both drowning π±
and I can only save one π€
π¬
Catch me at my girlβs funeral π
chanting STACK π
IT π
UP π
π
π―
π
π