My husband said I have "boy pussy."
I am a biological woman and a female. I haven't spoken to him since.
For context we were having sex, and at some point with his eyes closed he moaned "yeah that boy pussy..." and then stopped, realising he spoke out loud.
I'd feel better if he mentioned another woman because we're (somewhat) open but I'm pretty sure he's bisexual and instead of speaking to me about it, fantasizes about me being a twink.
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Just as the founding fathers intended
I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
How did you manage to get out of jail so quickly
twitchquotes:
Kripp! Its Andrew from that college party last year. Man I haven't seen you in forever! How did you manage to get out of jail so quickly after beating up that defenseless hooker?!
twitch chat
Kripp
I declare with utter certainty that this one is in the bag
twitchquotes:
ＦＲＯＭ ＴＨＥ ＧＨＡＳＴＬＹ ＥＹＲＩＥ Ｉ ＣＡＮ ＳＥＥ ＴＯ ＴＨＥ ＥＮＤＳ ＯＦ ＴＨＥ ＷＯＲＬＤ， ＡＮＤ ＦＲＯＭ ＴＨＩＳ ＶＡＮＴＡＧＥ ＰＯＩＮＴ Ｉ ＤＥＣＬＡＲＥ ＷＩＴＨ ＵＴＴＥＲ ＣＥＲＴＡＩＮＴＹ ＴＨＡＴ ＴＨＩＳ ＯＮＥ ＩＳ ＩＮ ＴＨＥ ＢＡＧ！
twitch chat
DotADeMoN
Infinite Cum Part 2
Your eyes slowly open. Crusty from months of wear from stray globs of semen and cosmic dust. You are in a room and you can no longer see your member, or rather, what was left of it. There are tubes leading away from your pelvis, pumping and pulsating. There is a glass window across from you and a person dressed in a white jacket. A woman. She looks up from her clipboard to see you are awake. At first she is uninterested, but then her eyes slam open and a beaming smile crosses her face. Her eyes filled with curiosity.
“You’re awake!” She cries over the loudspeakers that you only just now notice embedded into the top corners of the room.
“Where am I?” You ask, filled with fear and excitement. You thought you would never see a human again and you would be destined to suffer endlessly across the cosmos.
“You are on Saturn. You crashed into it and due to it’s extreme mass you were able to stop. We picked you up because you may be the key to saving humanity for all eternity.”
“How?” You ask as a smile begins to creep across your face, imagining that you could be an icon for humanity.
“You have been addressed as the Cosmic Unknown Mass Semen Generator, or CUMS-G for short. The fault in reality that caused your affliction can be used for the good of humanity.
By using the mass you produce we will never have to worry about energy again, as by converting your biomass into energy we have unlimited power for the rest of time. When the stars die and the cosmos sink into nothing, humanity will be able to continue thanks to you. The anomaly that created you is easily one of the greatest discoveries humanity has ever had, on par with the discovery of fire.”
“Will I not die?”
“You can’t die. You are immortal. You don’t even have a body and yet you continue to exist”
…
Hours later, she leaves to tell her superiors. They do not greet you. They exchange high-fives and party but they do not speak to you.
Months pass.
The cum accelerates.
Then years.
The cum accelerates.
Then decades.
The cum accelerates.
Then centuries.
The cum accelerates.
Then eons.
The cum accelerates.
No one talks to you. You don’t even know if humanity is alive anymore or if they have left you to exist for the rest of eternity.
The tubes around you have gotten far thicker and more high tech as the ferocity of your semen expulsion increased.
Eventually the walls around you cave in. Only then do you see the truth.
Their plan was flawed.
Infinite Cum
Two beefy cholos
twitchquotes:
Asked for two beefy cholos at taco bell, I'm so embarrassed, I thought it was a menu item, instead two chefs came out from the back and massaged my prostate
Asked for two beefy cholos at taco bell, I'm so embarrassed, I thought it was a menu item, instead two chefs came out from the back and massaged my prostate
twitch chat
Dyrus