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The Cocklock Deck

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, its the "cocklock" you just beat. I'm on the phone with my mom right now, and she isn't very happy with you. She is coming over now to comfort me, and then we are going to have to report you to the police. I hope you enjoy jail.
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Kripp sends Hafu a romantic letter

twitchquotes: Kripp, this is Hafu... Remember when i asked you to unleash your hounds on my freezing trap but instead you gave me an explosive shot to the face with your acidic swamp ooze? While i always love a good multishot to the face... you finished so quickly it fealt like i was having sex with Nozdormu or something... i mean, i am not just some succubus for you to shiv any time you please..
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

My kids were listening to Lil Nas X

My kids were listening to old town road by Lil Nas X and one of my kids asked me doesn’t he worship satan? Thinking face I said yes son sadly he does. I had to turn on No role modelz by J Cole to cheer him up My kids idolize someone better now! Thank you J Cole you’re a life saver!
April 2021

Tuck Frump into bed

twitchquotes: I would tuck frump into bed every night if I could
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

My name is Octavius Kripparius Muridius

twitchquotes: My name is Octavius Kripparius Muridius, commander of the PJSalteers of the North, General of the Salty Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Saltarrian. Father to a Flamestriked son, husband to a Top decked wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this stream or the next.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

Just seen Biden in a hotel

twitchquotes: Just seen Biden in a hotel and I asked how he was feeling about the election. He laughed and winked at me, then grabbed me by the hair and dragged me into a toilet and spat in my mouth while whispering “count every vote” over and over in my ear. Make of that what you will.
twitch chat
November 2020

2020 US Election

Daddy, where do dongers come from?

twitchquotes: (=◕ل͜◕=) Daddy, where do dongers come from? (=◕ل͜◕=) ヽ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)ノYou see, little dong, when a donger and a dongerina dong together, the dong of the donger releases thousands of small dongs, which dongs the dongerina. 9 dongs later, the dongerina goes through a dong process, which finally raises a donger. ヽ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)ノ
twitch chat
July 2014
Kripp

Dong Pegachino with the Dongerinos

twitchquotes: ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ Hello Kripp, my name is Dong Pegachino with the Dongerinos. ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ We're gonna need some "Insurance money" or we're gonna break off your legs and cut off your dongerino. Pls no copy pasterino my frappuchino
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

Reynad's guitar is a prop, not an instrument

twitchquotes: Dear reynad why is that guitar used as a prop only and not an instrument. it saddens me to see that little guy sitting all alone without some to pluck his strings. he will never realize his full potential without your love. pls no copy pastarino bambino cappuccino.
twitch chat
October 2014
Reynad

Kittarrian and Pussytron

twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp
What happened to this ad? :(

Leifman talk the mumble automatically go to awkward

twitchquotes: When leifman talk the mumble automatically go to awkward. Leifman get rekt by the kripp and feel at one with the cringe. all becoming unmod leifman
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Are you Reynad's dad?

twitchquotes: I went to a MTG tournament in Denver to meet Brian Kibler and ask him in person "Are you Reynad's dad?" I needed the truth. I approached Kibler and asked him for a semen sample. Kibler gave a coy smile, "There's only one way you're getting semen out of me." I got on my knees and took the sample. I still don't know if Kibler is Reydad but we've been dating for 5 days now.
twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad

NO POMEGRANATES

Teacher: NO POMEGRANATES!!! NO NO NO NO NO POMEGRANATES!!! NO!!! I DONT WANT THEM ANYWHERE NEAR HERE, AM I CLEAR!!! Say the role again, NO POMEGRANATES!!!, say it. Sarcastic Kids: No pomegranates...
April 2021

Type !sellout to receive your free brofist

twitchquotes: Kripparrian is giving away TWO BROFISTS during this week’s Hyper X giveaway! Type !sellout to receive your free brofist or some RAM or whatever. Remember to subscribe, follow and no copypasta focaccia lasagna
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp

sellout

When Kripp is eat I pretend he is eat me

twitchquotes: Wʜᴇɴ Kʀɪᴘᴘ ɪs ᴇᴀᴛ ɪ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ʜᴇ ɪs ᴇᴀᴛ ᴍᴇ. ɪ ɢᴏ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ᴡᴇᴛ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ᴛʜʀᴏᴀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴍ ɪɴ ᴡᴀʀᴍ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ sᴛᴏᴍᴀᴄʜ. ᴛʜᴇɴ ɪ ɢᴏ ᴅᴇᴇᴘᴇʀ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ. ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ɢᴏʟᴅ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ sɪᴛs ᴏɴ ᴛᴏɪʟᴇᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ғʀᴇᴇs ᴍᴇ. ɪ ᴀᴍ sᴀᴅ ɪ ᴀᴍ ɴᴏ ʟᴏɴɢᴇʀ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ғᴏᴏᴅ. ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴋʀɪᴘᴘ ᴇᴀᴛs ᴍᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

Casual Kripp has finally reached the bottom

twitchquotes: Casual Kripp has finally reached the bottom. He has descended to casualness not often witnessed. He watches other people play and imagines their wins as his. His ego is inflated to enormous levels, and he cannot help but pat himself on the back and take credit for a game he did not play. His ego is satisfied for now, but what comes next?
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

Sandown being investigated by the FBI

twitchquotes: ༼▀ل͜▀༽ The FBI is currently investigating a possible DDOS attack against Kripparian. It is believed that Sandown masterminded this attack against Kripparian's stream, in order to steal his viewers and promote his own streaming career. It is estimated that Kripparian has lost tens of millions of dollars in the DDOS attack, which Sandown allegedly had executed. Sandown refused to comment on the event when reporters swarmed his house, but he later released a brief statement denying the allegation. Kripparian spoke out later that night stating that he intends to sue Sandown if it is proven that he did commit this cyber crime. ༼▀ل͜▀༽
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

When Tim Hortons... all becoming Canada

twitchquotes: when tim hortons, my hand automatically go to the maple glazed. i dip the doughnuterinos and feel i have sex with the hockey, all becoming canada eh?  sorry
twitch chat
September 2014
Kripp

Hey teacher I was wondering, what is a ratio

Hey teach I was wondering, what is a ratio. You see yesterday when I was on Twitter Dot Com I got HELLA ratio'd because I don't know how to spell whens day. I mean really why should I care about english like really its like americaneese and America is super racist they had slaves. Anyways teach back to what I was asking how the fuck do I get my twitter unsuspended.
May 2021
I used to be a real ad

Kripp's handicapped half-cousin from Romania, Kripple

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, this is you handicapped half-cousin from Romania, Kripple. I need you help for my medical bill. I owe Doctor $5,000 and he only accept 5 dollar bill. Plz help. If I don't pay he take my good leg. Sincerlirino, Kripple J. Morospam
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing