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NO POMEGRANATES

Teacher: NO POMEGRANATES!!! NO NO NO NO NO POMEGRANATES!!! NO!!! I DONT WANT THEM ANYWHERE NEAR HERE, AM I CLEAR!!! Say the role again, NO POMEGRANATES!!!, say it. Sarcastic Kids: No pomegranates...
April 2021

boo every1 im Gohst!!!

twitchquotes: boo every1 im Gohst!!!!!!! holds up ecto-spork my name is spooky but u can call me t3h GoHST P3ngin3 oF sp00kyness!!!!!!!! b00!…as u can see (0r cant iM inVIsible) im very Sp00key!!!! thats why iM came here, 2 HauNT random ppl like you! _… im 13,000 years old (im S00key 4 my age doe) i like 2 bee Sp00key like Salad F1ng3rs w/ my GirlGHostFr1nd (im bi-ectoplasmic if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite Way 2 Sp00k!!! bcuz its SOOOO Creepy!!!! shes sp00kEY 2 of course s0 w3 want 2 HaunT random ppl =) like they say the more GohSTS the sP00OkYER!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make Y0U ScarED so give me lots of wAYS 2 Sp00k U out!!!!!
twitch chat
October 2014
Kripp
What happened to this ad? :(

Sandown being investigated by the FBI

twitchquotes: ༼▀ل͜▀༽ The FBI is currently investigating a possible DDOS attack against Kripparian. It is believed that Sandown masterminded this attack against Kripparian's stream, in order to steal his viewers and promote his own streaming career. It is estimated that Kripparian has lost tens of millions of dollars in the DDOS attack, which Sandown allegedly had executed. Sandown refused to comment on the event when reporters swarmed his house, but he later released a brief statement denying the allegation. Kripparian spoke out later that night stating that he intends to sue Sandown if it is proven that he did commit this cyber crime. ༼▀ل͜▀༽
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

If you can press ctrl+v you can have dongers anytime!

twitchquotes: ᕕ┌◕ᗜ◕┐ᕗ Dongers in the morning, dongers in the evening, dongers at suppertime. If you can press ctrl+v you can have dongers anytime! ᕕ┌◕ᗜ◕┐ᕗ
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Kripp's handicapped half-cousin from Romania, Kripple

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, this is you handicapped half-cousin from Romania, Kripple. I need you help for my medical bill. I owe Doctor $5,000 and he only accept 5 dollar bill. Plz help. If I don't pay he take my good leg. Sincerlirino, Kripple J. Morospam
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

Failed as a pepperino pizza

twitchquotes: Mʏ ʙᴏʏ, Kʀɪᴘᴘᴀʀɪɴᴏ ᴅɪᴅᴅʟᴇʀɪɴᴏ, ᴡʜʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ɢᴏ ᴏᴜᴛ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ɴɪɢʜᴛ ᴀɴᴅ sᴜᴄᴋ ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴɪᴀɴ ᴠᴀᴍᴘɪʀᴇ?" ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ Kʀɪᴘᴘᴇʀɪɴᴏ sᴀʏ ɪs, "Rɪᴘ ɪɴ ᴘᴇᴘᴘᴇʀᴏɴɪ" ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴀᴘᴘᴀғᴀʀʀɪᴀɴ ɢᴏ, "ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs ɴᴇᴡғᴀɴɢʟᴇᴅ ᴀᴍᴇʀɪᴄᴀɴ ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴘᴇᴀᴋ, ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ғᴀɪʟᴇᴅ ᴀs ᴀ ғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀs ᴀ ᴘᴇᴘᴘᴇʀɪɴᴏ ᴘɪᴢᴢᴀ
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Any advice, Dad?

twitchquotes: Kʀɪᴘᴘ, ᴛʜɪs ɪs Tʏʀᴏɴᴇ, ᴜʀ sᴏɴ. Mʏ ᴍᴏᴍ, Lᴀǫᴜɪsʜᴀ, ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍᴇ. I ᴊᴜsᴛ ɢᴏᴛ ᴋɪᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ Cᴀɴᴀᴅɪᴀɴ ᴇʟᴇᴍᴇɴᴛᴀʀʏ sᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ғᴏʀ sᴀʏɪɴɢ "F*ᴄᴋ" ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴜ. Oʀ ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ғᴏʀ ʏᴇʟʟɪɴɢ "RIP" ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴘᴜɴᴄʜɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴋɪᴅ...ᴀɴʏ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ, Dᴀᴅ?
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp

You used ect instead of etc

Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc." "Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are etc., &c., &c, and et cet. The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase.
May 2022

I Am Very Smart

Kripp and his tiny peckerwood

twitchquotes: Omg Kripp... I remember seeing you in the hallways during school. I remember seeing your zipper down and I kept eyeing you tiny peckerwood. You always had the cutest grin. Please call me (205-069-1337) and find me. I will always love you. ~Eddy Pepperino (not wearing any panties atm).
twitch chat
April 2014
Kripp

Hurr Durr Durr Pizza

twitchquotes: ᕕOpieOPᕗ Ｈｅｌｌｏ Ｋｒｉｐｐ， Ｃｙｂｒｉｘ ｈｅｒｅ． Ｊｕｓｔ ｗａｎｔｅｄ ｔｏ ｓａｙ： ♩♬～♪ ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ♩♬～♪ ． ♩♬～♪ ＨＵＲＲ ＤＵＲＲ ＰＩＺＺＡ ᕕOpieOPᕗ
twitch chat
June 2014
Kripp
I used to be a real ad

Kripp drained Greece's entire supply of Oranges

twitchquotes: Ｋｒｉｐｐ， ｉｔｓ Ｓｔａｖｒｏｓ ｔｈｅ Ｆｒｕｉｔ Ｓｅｌｌｅｒ ｆｒｏｍ the bazaar． Ｉ＇ｍ ｓｏｒｒｙ ｔｏ ｔｅｌｌ ｙｏｕ ｂｕｔ ｙｏｕ＇ｖｅ ｄｒａｉｎｅｄ Ｇｒｅｅｃｅ＇ｓ ｅｎｔｉｒｅ ｓｕｐｐｌｙ ｏｆ Ｏｒａｎｇｅｓ． Ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ ｏｆ ｔｈｅ ｒｉｏｔｉｎｇ ｏｎ ｔｈｅ ｓｔｒｅｅｔｓ ｗｅ ａｄｖｉｓｅ ｙｏｕ ｔｏ ｈｉｄｅ ａｎｙ ＯＪ ｓｕｐｐｌｙ ｙｏｕ ｍｉｇｈｔ ｈａｖｅ ｌｅｆｔ． Ｗｅ ｃａｎ ｎｏｗ ｏｎｌｙ ｓｅｌｌ ｙｏｕ Ｏｌｉｖｅ Ｊｕｉｃｅ ａｎｄ ｔｈｅ ｏｄｄ ｊａｒ ｏｆ Ｔｚａｔｚｉｋｉ． Ｐｌｅａｓｅ ｎｏ ｇｙｒｏ ｏｕｚｏ
twitch chat
March 2014
Kripp

Based

"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?
March 2021

I tried to go help

Damn saw this one guy getting beat up by 2 other dudes today so I tried to go help, didn’t stand a chance against the 3 of us.
March 2021

I need Tesla to go $3k eoy

Ran out of condoms and told my gf I'm a pull out king. Went in raw and found out I'm king of shit. She now preggo and I need Tesla to go $3,000 eoy.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

We can't blame market

To be fair "but I poop from there" wasn't an explicit "no". We can't blame market for doing what it did.
March 2021

WallStreetBets

(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?

John "D" Dos, inventor of the DDOS

twitchquotes: Greetings Kripp, it is I, John "D" Dos, inventor of the DDOS. It has come to my attention that children are using my invention for malicious reasons. Please send me your address, phone number, credit card and social security numbers so I can help you fix this problem.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

hablo espaneo

twitchquotes: helo fabby i am hablo espaneo i come from mexican i am liking your curse videos. after i am watching your streaming video i am strong enough to shoot father hablo with crossing bow. learning tumble and fight dragon. i now in jail watching stream with dyrus on big tv. no copy pasterino macachino banerinio spamino. thank u
twitch chat
July 2014
Dyrus

My poop story

twitchquotes: My poop story. I lived in a dookie (pun on purpose) apartment complex in a college town, literally $300 a month, on a river in the south. So a small and always very high maintenance team worked for them. They showed up (stoned) and were changing everyone’s filters. Heard. Ok come in. I had a particularly funky little caesars pizza not an hour before the incident. We were making small talk and such as these things tend to linger, I suddenly felt a disturbance in my lower gut (bubbleguts). I felt confident in my distance from the maintenance guy that I got squeeze out a fart and then distract him into another room. This was no fart. At slightest bit of effort I put towards this fart a flood of terrible pizza diarrhea shot out of my ass like a goddamn rocket. As I was staring this man in the eye. I was staring another human being in the eyes...while I pooed my pants. To this day not only do I have no clue if he knew or not but I would still pay thousands of dollars to just see my face when that happened. That is my poop story.
twitch chat
June 2019

Shalom my fellow Twitchlings

twitchquotes: Shalom my fellow Twitchlings. My name is Herschel Goldstein, I hail from the ancient land of Israel. In this world there are two superior races: the valiant Japanese and the God-fearing Jews. When I met the great Kripp at Blizzcon 2013, he gave me a piece of advice that I will never forget: "Pentru a da oul omului, îl hrănești pentru o zi. Om învățat de ouă, îl va hrăni pentru o viață întreagă." Translated into foreign devil talk: I am coming Yankee scum. Get on board or get out of the way."
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp
Waiting for adblock to be disabled

Half watermelon wants to be full watermelon

twitchquotes: Hey guys i am half watermelon but to be a full watermelon i need people to roll like water melon. I hope you will help me become a full fledged watermelon. Me as a full fledged watermelon will not disappoint you and I will become the best watermelon ever. Thank you.
twitch chat
July 2014
Riot Games
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