[Copypasta] KRUSTY KRAB IS UNFAIR

twitchquotes: SwiftRage :loudspeaker: KRUSTY KRAB IS UNFAIR! SwiftRage :loudspeaker: MR. KRABS IS IN THERE! SwiftRage :loudspeaker: STANDING AT THE CONCESSION! SwiftRage :loudspeaker: PLOTTING HIS OPPRESSION! SwiftRage :loudspeaker:
twitch chat
November 2016

Classic

What happened to this ad? :(
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Start with something small like your intelligence

twitchquotes: I've heard shoving things up your ass is quite painful so you might want to start with something small like your intelligence and build up to bigger things like your ego
twitch chat
March 2020

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Math is "mental abuse to humans"

twitchquotes: You know how some people say that math is “mental abuse to humans”? Well, lemme tell you one thing: “Math” is an abbreviation for “mathematics”, so you’re only looking at 36% of the whole thing. What does the other 64% stand for? It stands for “except mostly at truly intelligently cool students”! That means, if you think math is mentally abusing you, you’re not truly intelligent or cool! You’re dumb and lame! So the next time someone gives you the first 36% of this ridiculous acronym, give them the other 64%. Don’t forget to tell them that they suck at etymology.
twitch chat
October 2020

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A severe lack of cute emotes in chat

twitchquotes: Konichiwa Kripp-kun AYAYA . This is your kawaii kouhai Aya-chan, calling in from Nihon. I have noticed a severe lack of cute emotes in chat tonight, and instead all I see are baka dansgame and baka nammers. This is not very sugoi, and I would appreciate it if your chat showed more respect for Japanese culture by typing kawaii emotes like AYAYA and AstolfoSmile . Arigato gozaimasu <3
twitch chat
February 2019
Kripp

Weebs

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I highlight every message

twitchquotes: Lmao you call yourself a [insert streamer] fan? I'm fucking loaded on channel points bro. I highlight every message because I'm just that jacked. Try talking in chat again when you're a true fan
twitch chat
January 2020

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Response to "go fuck yourself"

What if I'm already fucking myself? Behind this simple insult hides a universal paradox that may put your sexuality in question. Let's do a simple thought experiment: imagine us two standing in front of each other. I, of course, am wearing a pair of jeans, that are covering my genitals and my butt. You then command me to "go fuck myself". I may be fucking myself already. I may as well not be fucking myself already. Until my dick and its position relative to my ass is observed, it is simultaneously in my ass, but also outside of it - thus, it stays in superposition. The moment you lay eyes on my penis, both states collide with each other and become either one. You may have already guessed what the problem here is. As soon as a single photon reflected by my dick enters either one of your eyes, you become gay. The only way to avoid this is to not observe my penis. But if you don't look at it, then you will never know if your insult had any effect, thus rendering it meaningless. Since you have already made the insult, you are now, too, in superposition - you're either wrong, or gay. It's unfortunate, really - you dug a hole for yourself without even knowing it. All you can do now is accept it, and learn from your mistakes.
April 2020

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