[Copypasta] Truth be told, I'm quite proud of my house blend

Yee

░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄███▄▄▄░░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░▄▄▄██▀▀▀▀███▄░░░░░ ░░░░░░░▄▀▀░░░░░░░░░░░▀█░░░░ ░░░░▄▄▀░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀█░░░ ░░░█░░░░░▀▄░░▄▀░░░░░░░░█░░░ ░░░▐██▄░░▀▄▀▀▄▀░░▄██▀░▐▌░░░ ░░░█▀█░▀░░░▀▀░░░▀░█▀░░▐▌░░░ ░░░█░░▀▐░░░░░░░░▌▀░░░░░█░░░ ░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░█░░░ ░░░░█░░▀▄░░░░▄▀░░░░░░░░█░░░ ░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░▄▄░░░░█░░░░ ░░░░░█▀██▀▀▀▀██▀░░░░░░█░░░░ ░░░░░█░░▀████▀░░░░░░░█░░░░░ ░░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░▄█░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░██░░░░░█▄▄▀▀░█░░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░▀▀█▀▀▀▀░░░░░░█░░░░░ ░░░░░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░█░░░░

ascii art

May 2016

Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.

August 2021

Dear women who post nudes on reddit.

Stop with the fucking " I bet you'll never guess what's under my dress.." It's tits. It's always fucking tits. This is no mystery to anyone, and human anatomy has been the same for over 100k years. Seriously, shut the fuck up. You all do this. Do you really think your tits and asshole are so special that they're going to shift our collective consciousness or something? "I bet the guys at the gym wonder what's under my yoga pants." I bet they already know, and if they fucking don't, maybe you shouldn't be at a kid gym for 4 year olds.

July 2021

I want to fuck a cheeseburger

I want to fuck a cheeseburger. Just having that cheesy goodness melt all around my cock would make me feel at ease with the world again. Being able to cum inside a dead cow makes me feel so alive. I have been banned from 231 McDonald’s for public masturbation. Whenever I see an ad for McDonald’s I get so fucking horny. God I want to fuck a cheeseburger.

April 2021

Person holding sign up

|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| insert text here |＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿| \ (•◡•) / \ / --- | |

ascii art

October 2021

[Copypasta] Truth be told, I'm quite proud of my house blend

Yee

Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Dear women who post nudes on reddit.

I want to fuck a cheeseburger

Person holding sign up

Confirm Subscription