[Copypasta] My dad works at twitch dude

twitchquotes: My dad works at twitch dude, he's a sr Vice President, and he oversees players accounts. If you don't unban me, I'll make sure he gets both you and majinphil permabanned. But if you unban me, I'll make sure you fit in the algorithms to always have Phil be in people's recommended feed. Your choice.
twitch chat
August 2017
I used to be a real ad
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get teh tazer

twitchquotes: (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿) RESISTING ARREST - Get the Tazer (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

Hello Kripp, Sandown's mother here, Sandup

twitchquotes: Hello Kripp, Sandown's mother here, Sandup. I don't appreciate the excessive amount of brofisting you've been doing to my son's rectum. When he sleeps at night all he can dream about is you welcoming him to the "5 dolla club" as you tear his anus apart and cause it to profusely bleed with your fist and it's all your fault that he's so butthurt!
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

How to kill a geologist

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy. I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.
January 2022

This is a routine PokiW check

twitchquotes: Hello sir. Do you know why I've stopped you? You haven't done anything wrong. This is just a routine PokiW check, sir. May I see your Twitch sub badges and username, please? Thank you. Now let's see that PokiW, hmm? Go ahead, type it in chat. No funny business. Dot the I and capitalize the W. I better not see an emote, son. Or you're off to jail.
twitch chat
September 2021
Pokimane

Don't Sus With Me, Miss Nagatoro

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August 2021

Among Us / Amogus

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