[Copypasta] My dad works at twitch dude

twitchquotes: My dad works at twitch dude, he's a sr Vice President, and he oversees players accounts. If you don't unban me, I'll make sure he gets both you and majinphil permabanned. But if you unban me, I'll make sure you fit in the algorithms to always have Phil be in people's recommended feed. Your choice.
twitch chat
August 2017
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

NOW WE RUCKUS

twitchquotes: (╭ರ 益•́)/ NOW WE RUCKUS (╭ರ 益•́)
twitch chat
January 2015
Reynad

Kripp, this is an intervention

twitchquotes: Kripp, this is an intervention. We are very worried about you. Ever since you started playing Hearthstone, you have been becoming more and more casual. We care about you very much, but we can't just sit back and watch you torture yourself. Perhaps religion may help, have you heard of your lord and savior, RNGesus?
twitch chat
December 2014
Kripp

Asmongold’s Defence for Brony Accusation

"Listen. Just because I know who Rainbow Dash is, and I know what Equestria is, and Princess Celestia is, and I- I know uh, other things about the thing too probably I- probably I think about it, I don't know - Just because I know that stuff - Pinkie Pie, yeah, the- I don't- Look, it- I- I'm not- no, sounds like you know the story- of course, LISTEN, what do they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer guys, t- remember- remember how they say that? Wh-what do you- wait, there's nothing wrong with this, it's- it's- that's, SEE? Look guys, yeah, TRUE, TRUE, yep, and absolutely not, nope we're downvoting this one, no, nope nope nope, that's not true, sus-"
April 2022
Asmongold

forsenWTF

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄ ⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠋⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄⠄ ⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⣷⣤⣄⣈⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⣠⣤⢀⠄⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠉⠉⠙⠂ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠸⠿⠁⠄⠧⠄⠾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠷⠤⢤⣄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣤⣤⣤⣶⡆⣿⣿⣿⡗⠂⣤⠄⠄⠈⠆ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢃⢿⣿⣿⣷⠸⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢰⡾⠁⠈⠉⠝⢀⡀⠄⡀⡰⠃ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠦⠄⠄⠐⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁ ⠄⠄⠄⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁ ⠄⠄⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⢀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠄ ⠄⠄⢼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠄⢀⣼⣿⣟⠛⠛⠛⢿⣷⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠋⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡌⣿⡀⢸⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣇⠄⠄⠄⢻⣿⣿⣧⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠙⢻⣿⣆⠄⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿⠉⠛⠄⠄⠄
ascii art
November 2021
Forsen

Emote

Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911

Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you're going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911. Here's why: Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol' American hot lead. Basilisk? Let's see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren't looking at it--you're looking at a picture of it. Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it's because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. Now I know what you're going to say: "But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!" Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don't think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort's wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry's would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let's see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. I can see it now...Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can't be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: "Well then I guess it's a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1." And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
August 2021
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing