[Copypasta] Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

What the heck did you just flipping say about me, you big meanie?

What the heck did you just flipping say about me, you big meanie? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Tiny Tots Program, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the girl's bathroom, and I have over 300 confirmed noogies. I am trained in Nerf warfare and I have the most gold stars in the entire kindergarten class. You are nothing to me but just another butthead. I will beat you the heck up with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my dang words. You think you can get away with saying that baloney to me on the glowy type-box? Think again, doodiehead. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of teachers across the USA and your parents are being called to pick you up right now so you better prepare for the spanking, junior. The spanking that wipes out the dumb little thing you call your playtime. You're in big darn trouble, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can wedgie you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed fartfights, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States PTA and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your dorky bottom off the face of the playground, you little poopypants. If only you could have known what serious punishments your little "smartypants" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your goshdarned tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you silly doofus. I will spray boogers all over you and you will cry about it. You're frickin grounded, buttmunch...
August 2021

Navy Seal

as an extreme bee enthusiast, this is anatomically incorrect

as an extreme bee enthusiast, this is anatomically incorrect. I shall take a moment to teach the people about bee excrement. Firstly, to the woe of those into both pee and bee, bees do not pee. Insects entirely lack kidneys, bladders, livers, and more. Now, to the question regarding the post, do bees fart, and if they do, is it an extremely dirty fart at that? Well, lets first discuss bee poop. bees mostly use everything when making honey, which is basically pure energy and nutrients. Bee poop is mostly undigested pollen grains and more complex sugars. A bee could poop in your ice cream, and you would be none the wiser. you might even like, it better, for reasons ranging from "culinary" to sexual. Bees are surprisingly clean creatures, and despite bee poop basically being failed candy, bees always leave the hive to poop, they do not poop inside the hive. As for the farting part, it is without a doubt that any animal could potentially have air trapped inside it, and therefore must expel it, however farting as we know it is much more than that. Regardless, a bee would not "fart", and if they did, it would be more akin to a floral perfume than a burst of sulfur and feces. also the head and legs look a bit weird, 4/10
May 2022

Momo 3

⣿⣿⡇⠄⣼⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⣰⣿⡿⠟⢻⣿⣿⣷⡀⠸⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠰⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⠆⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⡇⠄⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠄⢿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣼⣿⡟⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠻⣿⣷⣤⣤⣾⣿⡿⠁⠄⣿ ⣿⣿⠃⢸⣦⡙⠛⠿⠟⠛⠉⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⡈⠛⠻⠿⠛⢋⣴⡇⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⡀⠈⢿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⡋⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣾⣿⡿⠄⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⠄⠈⢿⣿⣯⡻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣽⣿⡟⠄⠄⣮⣿ ⣿⣿⣷⠄⠄⠄⠹⣿⣷⣌⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⢁⣾⣿⠋⠄⠄⠄⢹⣿ ⣿⣿⣏⠄⠄⠄⠄⠘⢿⣿⣦⡀⠈⠛⢿⣿⡿⠟⠉⢀⣴⣿⠟⠁⠄⠄⠄⢠⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠙⢿⣿⣦⡀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣴⣿⠟⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⠉⠻⢿⣷⣶⣾⡿⠛⠁⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿
March 2019

Is there a card stronger than Magma Rager?

twitchquotes: Is there a card stronger than Magma Rager? And I'm referring to a Don Han'Cho'd, Blessed Champion'd Magma Rager, with a pre-nerfed Master of Disguise stealth, a Wee Spellstopper on one side, a Dire Wolf Alpha on the other side, an Ancestral Spirit, a Murloc racial tag, golden animations, a pre-nerf Blood Imp supporting it, with Windfury, Charge, Taunt and Divine Shield, Deathrattle: Replace your hero with the above-described Magma Rager?
twitch chat
December 2016

Hearthstone

And for a moment the two felt unsalted

twitchquotes: I love salt too.” Reynad confessed, as he slipped his feminine hand into Kripp’s and smirked. “Are you trying to top-deck me?” protests Kripparroni, as Saltnad blushes, the boyish figure undressed before Kripp. “Weak tempo play, Reynad.” The two kissed, deeply and passionately, and for a moment the two felt unsalted.
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp

salty

Text-to-Speech Playing