[Copypasta] Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
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February 2019

Moai statue head

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Imagine Fortnite Jonesy in Smash

Imagine this: You're watching the new Nintendo Direct. As it begins you hope to see the new smash reveal, and are hoping you get the character you so desperately wanted, whether it's Crash Bandicoot or Sora. The trailer begins with the classic smash opening. As you watch the trailer, you begin to feel hope that your dream may have come true. But then, at the part where the character is revealed, you hear a bus horn, and wonder "Is it coming from outside?" But no. It's from the trailer. You watch a manly figure drop out of the sky, landing gracefully in front of the characters he is about to defeat. It gazes upon his sharp-bladed pickaxe, his luxurious blond hair, and his shining silver dog tags. As the sun fades away, you finally see who it really was: It was Jonesy from Fortnite. It's a long shot, I know. But imagine.
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Fortnite

Super Smash Bros

It's EXAM WEEK

twitchquotes: It's EXAM WEEK 😀😀 and it's TIME ⏱⏱ to WHIP OUT 😯😯 your EDUCATION ERECTIONS πŸŽ’πŸ“šπŸ†πŸ† and FUCK THESE FINALS πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰. That's RIGHT, get READY to BOOTYCALL πŸ‘πŸ“ž your SLUTTY STUDY BUDDIES 😏😏 and HIT πŸ‘ŠπŸ‘Š the BOOKS πŸ“˜πŸ“—πŸ“™till your BRAIN 🧠🧠 is RUBBED RAW 😫😫 and your PEN πŸ–ŠπŸ–Šis DRY 😡😡. So let's put the CUM in CUMULATIVE πŸ’¦πŸ’¦ and do this THING πŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ. Send this to 11 of the SKANKIEST 🀀🀀 SCHOLARS you know or you will LITERALLY get F'D! 😱😱
twitch chat
December 2019

Emoji Pasta

40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14

twitchquotes: This chat disgusts me. 40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14. The other 40% are 14 year olds pretending to be 41. And the remaining 30% just copy pastes the longest message they can find in the chat. Grow up chat, grow up. FailFish
twitch chat
January 2019

Classic

I hate Twitch Chat

Text-to-Speech Playing