[Copypasta] Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018
What happened to this ad? :(
More Copypastas

Kripp's salt

โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ–’โ–’โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–ˆโ–โ–Œโ–„โ–€โ–Œโ–โ–Œโ–„โ–โ–Œโ–„โ–โ–Œโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–„โ–€โ–Œโ–€โ–„โ–Œโ–โ–Œโ–„โ–ˆโ–Œโ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œ โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–€โ–ˆโ–Œโ–ˆโ–Œโ–Œโ–โ–โ–Œโ–โ–Œโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–Œโ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–€โ–ˆโ–Œโ–€โ–โ–Œโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–Œโ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–„โ–“โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–โ–โ–ˆโ–Œโ–Œโ–€โ–ˆโ–Œโ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–€โ–‘โ–“โ–“โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’ โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–‘โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’โ–’
ascii art
November 2014
Kripp

The year is 2037. Ligma is now the name of a real disease

The year is 2037. Ligma is now the name of a real disease. You're a doctor you just got the test results of the patient it's just as you feared it's fatal, your patient has ligma you're crying but you can't stop laughing you know you have to tell your patient that he has ligma but you can't keep a straight face you have to go out therr and tell your patient that he has only three days left to live and that there's no cure no hope not even enough time for him to finish his bucket list or find love or get the life he's always wanted he started making progress, he was doing well, his future had high hopes but he has a fatal case of ligma and you can't keep a straight face you walk out to your patient, "s-sir," you say through snickers "yes doctor? what are my test results?" your patient replies "I-I'm very sorry to say but," you respond as your sentence gets interrupted by a loud snort. "it's f-f-atal." you can't hold your laughs and you let out a bit of laughter "Is this some kind of joke? are you some sadistic creep? why the fuck are you laughing" the patient shouts out you "you h-have a fatal case of l-l-ligma," you can't hold it in anymore, you burst out laughing, you're rolling on the floor, tears in your eyes, you pee yourself a little "what the fuck is wrong with you? you're horrible! fuck you! go to hell!" your patient replies, with a face of horror, disgust, anger and sadness. he starts to cry. he's shaking you scream at the top of your lungs, "LIGMA BALLS! LIGMA BALLS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LIGMA BALLS!" you can't stop laughing and shouting, over and over again you repeat "LIGMA BALLS! LIGMA BALLS! LIGMA BALLS!" your patient flees, he runs as fast as he can soon the police come, they handcuff you and put you in the back of a police car. you don't know what's going to happen to you now, but you know it won't be good
August 2021

Silence Liberal

โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ โ–ˆโ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–„โ–€โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ”€โ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–„โ”€โ–„โ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–€โ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ”€โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–€โ–ˆ โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–€โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–„โ–€
ascii art
February 2021

Where were you when TL beat Invictus fucking Gaming

twitchquotes: Where were you when TL beat Invictus fucking Gaming, the reigning World Champions, 3-1? This series is going down in history. No one will ever dare to call NA a wildcard region again. It's not just C9 anymore, the gap is closed. 8 years of being memed as a 4fun region, 8 years of people laughing at Doublelift being an international choker, enough is enough. We poked this monster too much, it finally got pissed, woke up, and it's fucking hungry.
twitch chat
May 2019
Riot Games

League of Legends

Please remove Leifman's mod status

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, it has come to my attention that one of your mods "Leifman" has been abusing his authority as mod and banning people for no good reason. I would appreciate if you took some time out of your schedule to take action and remove his mod status. Thank you!
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
More Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing