[Copypasta] Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

Own a musket for home defense

twitchquotes: Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
twitch chat
August 2019

Surprised anime girl

⣇⣿⠘⣿⣿⣿⡿⡿⣟⣟⢟⢟⢝⠵⡝⣿⡿⢂⣼⣿⣷⣌⠩⡫⡻⣝⠹⢿⣿⣷ ⡆⣿⣆⠱⣝⡵⣝⢅⠙⣿⢕⢕⢕⢕⢝⣥⢒⠅⣿⣿⣿⡿⣳⣌⠪⡪⣡⢑⢝⣇ ⡆⣿⣿⣦⠹⣳⣳⣕⢅⠈⢗⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⢈⢆⠟⠋⠉⠁⠉⠉⠁⠈⠼⢐⢕⢽ ⡗⢰⣶⣶⣦⣝⢝⢕⢕⠅⡆⢕⢕⢕⢕⢕⣴⠏⣠⡶⠛⡉⡉⡛⢶⣦⡀⠐⣕⢕ ⡝⡄⢻⢟⣿⣿⣷⣕⣕⣅⣿⣔⣕⣵⣵⣿⣿⢠⣿⢠⣮⡈⣌⠨⠅⠹⣷⡀⢱⢕ ⡝⡵⠟⠈⢀⣀⣀⡀⠉⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣼⣿⢈⡋⠴⢿⡟⣡⡇⣿⡇⡀⢕ ⡝⠁⣠⣾⠟⡉⡉⡉⠻⣦⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠸⣿⣦⣥⣿⡇⡿⣰⢗⢄ ⠁⢰⣿⡏⣴⣌⠈⣌⠡⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣬⣉⣉⣁⣄⢖⢕⢕⢕ ⡀⢻⣿⡇⢙⠁⠴⢿⡟⣡⡆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣵⣵⣿ ⡻⣄⣻⣿⣌⠘⢿⣷⣥⣿⠇⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣷⢄⠻⣿⣟⠿⠦⠍⠉⣡⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣦⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟ ⡕⡑⣑⣈⣻⢗⢟⢞⢝⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⣿⠿⠃⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⣠ ⡝⡵⡈⢟⢕⢕⢕⢕⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠋⣀⣈⠙ ⡝⡵⡕⡀⠑⠳⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⢉⡠⡲⡫⡪⡪⡣
July 2020

Weebs

I’ll be in Rania’s chat from now on

twitchquotes: If you need me, I’ll be in Rania’s chat from now on. You may not know this but I actually do watch her streams after yours are over. And I’ve been a 6 month subscriber as well... I donated her $30 the other day and said her outfit looked cute - she said I’m a sweetheart. Things are looking up for me (and down for you). This is where I bid farewell to you, have fun being a salty balding vegan.
twitch chat
August 2018
Kripp

Simps

Female racist

wait, wait, wait....... hold your horses... uhm... YOU'RE A GIRL AND A RACIST?!!?! O_o_O Not to be a freak, but.. Just when i tought you couldn't get more attractive.. You started hating minorities. Nicely done, M'lady. You've just become every man's dream woman.
July 2021

KRUSTY KRAB IS UNFAIR

twitchquotes: SwiftRage :loudspeaker: KRUSTY KRAB IS UNFAIR! SwiftRage :loudspeaker: MR. KRABS IS IN THERE! SwiftRage :loudspeaker: STANDING AT THE CONCESSION! SwiftRage :loudspeaker: PLOTTING HIS OPPRESSION! SwiftRage :loudspeaker:
twitch chat
November 2016

Classic

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