[Copypasta] Tiffany's chandelier

twitchquotes: I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
twitch chat
November 2018
(โ–€ฬฟฤนฬฏโ”œโ”ฌโ”ดโ”ฌโ”ด Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
More Copypastas

But my heart still isn't as broken as Patron Warrior

twitchquotes: Mส แดกษชา“แด‡ แดา“ 20 สแด‡แด€ส€s สŸแด‡า“แด› แดแด‡ แด€ สแด‡แด€ส€ แด€ษขแด. I า“แดแดœษขสœแด› แด›แด แด›สœแด‡ ส™ษชแด›แด›แด‡ส€ แด‡ษดแด… ส™แดœแด› แด›สœแด‡ แด„แดแดœส€แด›s ษขส€แด€ษดแด›แด‡แด… สœแด‡ส€ แด„แดœsแด›แดแด…ส แดา“ แดแดœส€ แด„สœษชสŸแด…ส€แด‡ษด. Bแดœแด› แดส สœแด‡แด€ส€แด› sแด›ษชสŸสŸ ษชsษด'แด› แด€s ส™ส€แดแด‹แด‡ษด แด€s แด˜แด€แด›ส€แดษด แดกแด€ส€ส€ษชแดส€.
twitch chat
September 2015
strifecro

Hearthstone

Peeing with a boner is more difficult than giving birth

According to my scientific studies, Peeing with a boner is more difficult than giving birth. I am being 100 percent serious when I say this. This shouldn't even be an unpopular opinion, people just don't think about what the word "difficult" actually means. Peeing with a boner is more difficult than giving birth. Giving birth is definitely more painful, but pain by itself does not make something difficult. For example, putting my hand in a fire is not difficult, but it would hurt a lot. In order for something to be difficult, there has to be some chance of failure due to lack of skill, practice, or technique. Peeing with a boner often requires creative problem solving skills, especially in small spaces. There is no creative problem solving aspect of giving birth. Additionally, the way humans have evolved for these two actions supports my point. Giving birth is a natural process, which humans have evolved to be able to do. The female body is literally designed so that it can give birth with the lowest possible chance of error. The only real error that can happen is a miscarriage, which is also a natural occurrence, not a failure that occurs due to a lack of skill in giving birth. The male body, on the other hand, has evolved specifically so that peeing with a boner is very difficult. The only purpose for having a boner is to impregnate a woman, so the male body evolved to prevent urination during sex. On top of the difficulty in simply getting the pee to flow, there's the issue of actually positioning yourself so that the boner is pointing into the toilet bowl (urinals are much easier, but not always an option). In the past, I have had to give up and wait until my boner goes away because it was simply too difficult to actually pee in the toilet. There has never been a case where a woman has tried to give birth after being pregnant for nine months, not been able to do it, and said "fuck it" and waited 3 more months to try again because it would be easier the second try. Giving birth happens, every single time, because it's a natural process - peeing with a boner is the opposite.
May 2021

Traveled the entire galaxy trying to find out who asked

โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€๏พŸ .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€. ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โœฆ ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€,ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€. โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€. .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€. ใ€€ใ€€โœฆโ €ใ€€โ€‚โ€‚โ€‚ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€,ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ โ €ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ €ใ€€ใ€€, โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ€ˆใ€€ใ€€โ €ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ €.ใ€€ หšใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ €ใ€€โ €โ€‚โ€‚ใ€€ใ€€,ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€. . โ €ใ€€ใ€€โ €โ€‚โ€‚ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ €โœฆโ €ใ€€ . .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ € . หšใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€๏พŸใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€. .โ €ใ€€ใ€€โ €โ€โ €โ€โ €โ€โ €โ€โ €โ€โ €โ€โ €โ€โ €โ€โ €โ€โ €โ€โ €, *ใ€€ใ€€โ €. .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ €โœฆ หšใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ .โ €ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€. โœฆโ €ใ€€โ€‚โ€‚โ€‚ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€,ใ€€ใ€€โ€ˆโ€Šโ€Šโ€Š โ €ใ€€ใ€€ .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ€ˆใ€€ใ€€โ €ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€. หšใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ €ใ€€โ €โ€‚โ€‚ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€, .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ โ €โ€ˆใ€€ใ€€โ€‚โ€‚โ€‚โ€‚ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ€ˆใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€. Traveled the entire galaxy trying to find out who askedโ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ €โ €โ €โœฆ โ € โ €ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €* โ €โ €โ €.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€. โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โœฆโ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ € โ € โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €โ €.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€.ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€๏พŸ .ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€ใ€€.
January 2021

Classic

Who Asked?

You have been gifted FREE COCK

twitchquotes: โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€” TwitchVotes You have been gifted FREE COCK. Type YEP to activate now. โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”โ€”
twitch chat
February 2021

Kripp's next hoodie color

twitchquotes: Hey Kripp, Im excited to think of what the next hoodie color will be. This ones been going strong 20 days in a row now. Maybe we'll go back to the blue one or even the other light grey one that was worn for 30+ days. It's like a game now.
twitch chat
January 2015
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing