[Copypasta] Every time I see Tifa punch someone I get a little sadder

twitchquotes: Every time I see Tifa punch someone I get a little sadder, because tha tis one less punch that could have been directed at my nutsack. I pray at night for Tifa to break into my house and mercilessly beat the everloving fuck out of my balls. I will pray extra hard tonight.
twitch chat
April 2020
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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nature has molded females to become a holy being

nature has molded females to become a holy being. they must be worshipped at all costs. since they lack the barbaric y chromosome and testosterone, they are unaggressive and thus good people. they are prophets, they are guides. questioning them is foolish and expecting 💦 for free is blasphemy. i will protect women at all costs and sacrifice everything for them because even their motherhood is a natural wonder. simping is a way of life. it is worship. would you make fun of a muslim for praying? then don't make fun of me either
October 2021

Simps

if you go to walmart at 3 AM naked, and scream "AMONG US SUS"

if you go to walmart at 3 AM naked, and scream "AMONG US SUS" 69 times, these mysterious figures known as "The Police" will knock you out, and you'll end up in a cell with a man nicknamed "BIG JOHN". pretty scary, right?
June 2021

Among Us / Amogus

Infinite Cum Part 2

Your eyes slowly open. Crusty from months of wear from stray globs of semen and cosmic dust. You are in a room and you can no longer see your member, or rather, what was left of it. There are tubes leading away from your pelvis, pumping and pulsating. There is a glass window across from you and a person dressed in a white jacket. A woman. She looks up from her clipboard to see you are awake. At first she is uninterested, but then her eyes slam open and a beaming smile crosses her face. Her eyes filled with curiosity. “You’re awake!” She cries over the loudspeakers that you only just now notice embedded into the top corners of the room. “Where am I?” You ask, filled with fear and excitement. You thought you would never see a human again and you would be destined to suffer endlessly across the cosmos. “You are on Saturn. You crashed into it and due to it’s extreme mass you were able to stop. We picked you up because you may be the key to saving humanity for all eternity.” “How?” You ask as a smile begins to creep across your face, imagining that you could be an icon for humanity. “You have been addressed as the Cosmic Unknown Mass Semen Generator, or CUMS-G for short. The fault in reality that caused your affliction can be used for the good of humanity. By using the mass you produce we will never have to worry about energy again, as by converting your biomass into energy we have unlimited power for the rest of time. When the stars die and the cosmos sink into nothing, humanity will be able to continue thanks to you. The anomaly that created you is easily one of the greatest discoveries humanity has ever had, on par with the discovery of fire.” “Will I not die?” “You can’t die. You are immortal. You don’t even have a body and yet you continue to exist” … Hours later, she leaves to tell her superiors. They do not greet you. They exchange high-fives and party but they do not speak to you. Months pass. The cum accelerates. Then years. The cum accelerates. Then decades. The cum accelerates. Then centuries. The cum accelerates. Then eons. The cum accelerates. No one talks to you. You don’t even know if humanity is alive anymore or if they have left you to exist for the rest of eternity. The tubes around you have gotten far thicker and more high tech as the ferocity of your semen expulsion increased. Eventually the walls around you cave in. Only then do you see the truth. Their plan was flawed.
April 2022

Infinite Cum

Watch Kripp's stream as punishment

twitchquotes: I'm typing this from prison where we are forced to watch Kripp stream as our punishment. If he gets to 12 wins we will all be let go. Otherwise we will be executed tomorrow morning. Please Kripp, we're all rooting for you BlessRNG
twitch chat
May 2017
Kripp

Hearthstone

Kripp forgot about shredder placement

twitchquotes: Pupparrian scampers excitedly as Kripp carries the new bird cage. "Here you go, Birdarrian," says Kripp as he hangs the cage in the office. Unfortunately, Pupparian's joyful romping caused kripp to stumble, the cage bursting open and Birdarrian falling helplessly into the merciless jaws of the paper shredder sitting below the cage. "Oh no," gasps Kripp, "I forgot about shredder placement!"
twitch chat
April 2016
Kripp

Hearthstone

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