[Copypasta] Service dog approaches you

twitchquotes: If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means the person is down and in need of help. Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.
twitch chat
April 2019
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

I saw Kripp at the tavern yesterday

twitchquotes: I saw Kripp at the tavern yesterday. I told him it would be cool to see him play arena again. He said, “Why, so you can snipe me at 8 wins?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I thought he was going for a brofist, so I extended my hand only to have it slapped away in disgust. Later on I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen murlocs in his hands without paying.
twitch chat
May 2020
Kripp

Hearthstone

Darth Bearish the Regarded

Did you ever hear the tragedy of "Darth Bearish the Regarded"? I thought not. It’s not a story any bull would tell you. It’s an ancient Bear legend. Darth Bearish was a Dark Lord of the Bears, so well capitalized and so regarded he could use Leverage to influence gamma to create profits… He had such a knowledge of the dark side of Leverage that he could even keep other traders he cared about from being margin called. But the dark side of Leverage is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be... unnatural. He became so bearish… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his positions, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice reversed his positions in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from bankruptcy, but not himself!
June 2022

Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

WallStreetBets

xqcP

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⡭⡩⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢋⡞⣫⠎⢠⠊⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠛⠛⣛⣛⠋⠒⠽⠏⠄⠐⠛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠁⠄⣀⣤⣾⣿⣷⣧⣧⣇⣨⣮⣦⣉⣦⢻⣦⡈⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠟⠄⠄⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠈⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡏⠄⠄⢠⡿⢿⠿⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠏⠉⠉⠉⠛⠃⡀⠸⣿⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⢀⣿⣿⣶⠶⠾⠿⠶⠿⠷⠚⠙⠛⢿⣿⣿⡿⠃⢀⣒⠉⢙⠻⠿⠄⢹⣿ ⡇⠄⠄⢸⡿⠟⠱⠾⠃⢼⡀⢐⣼⠇⠄⢀⡜⣿⣿⡀⠄⢹⣅⠉⠼⢃⡀⠄⠈⣿ ⡇⠄⠄⢸⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⠶⠂⣀⣴⣿⣷⢹⣿⣷⣦⣤⣶⣾⣿⠏⠁⠄⠄⣿ ⣇⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣴⣿⠟⣉⣹⣇⣿⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⣿⡀⠄⠄⠄⣿ ⣿⠄⠄⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡘⠛⢛⠼⢿⡿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⠄⢰⣿ ⣿⣇⠄⠄⢸⣿⣷⣤⣀⠄⠄⠄⢀⣉⡉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠛⢛⡛⠛⢀⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣦⡀⠄⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣭⣛⡛⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⣛⣋⣭⣥⠖⠂⣠⣾⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡘⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⢁⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣦⣤⣍⣉⣙⣛⣛⣛⣛⣛⣋⣉⣤⣤⣴⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
November 2020
xQcOW

It's not gay with socks on

When I was 13 years old a buddy of mine tried to convince me to fool around. I wasn't into it, and he told me it's not gay if you're wearing socks. I didn't believe him, went home, and asked my dad. That's 'gentleman's gay', hardly gay at all. Don't see it much these days. The 50s were a different time. What were we to do? We were typical boarding school boys, rich with vigor, skin slick with drying sweat and gritty earth from a game of pigskin. At night our young, virile bodies filled the dorm with sweet-musky vapors, like game-meat stewed with apple and peppercorn. You'd awake in darkness to the hushed, melodic rhythm of two pairs of white tube socks, barely visible in moonlight, bouncing on the hardwood floor. The deep bond of male friendship played like a thousand different human instruments. The wet claps of skin on skin, the gentle thud of heads on backboards, frenzied cries in the throes of climax. Wilbur, so fat and soft like tapioca pudding. His breasts were so like the real thing, what we fantasized of our future wives. Unwilling, defenseless Wilbur, so slow and uncoordinated in the dark. 10 of us would glaze his bare, pink flesh like a giant raspberry danish. He once had the audacity to tell Headmaster Redford. But Redford was a Deerfield boy once, he understood. So he joined us on our midnight hog hunts. Through college and years after we'd find time here and there, away from the wives at a family lake house. But it's been decades now - the times have certainly changed. If you wanted to do something private with another man, in your socks, it wasn’t ‘gay’. It was just two men, celebrating each other's strength.
August 2021

My mom took away my Xbox

twitchquotes: My mom took away my Xbox. This is the saddest moment in my life. The most pain and unimaginable suffering I have ever felt before. Have I been a bad boy? Is that why she did what she did? I don’t know. I have so many questions. I also have depression because of lack of Xbox. I can’t play Minecraft. I love Minecraft so so much, it’s my favorite game in the entire world. Why would she take such joy and happiness away from me? Does she think I do bad things on there? If so, she should know that I join good Christian Minecraft servers only. That’s it.... I give up. I can’t fr*cking take another painful second of this anymore. This torture is what has been depressing me for so long. I swear to h**k, I’ll get that Xbox back if it kills me.
twitch chat
December 2018
Text-to-Speech Playing