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(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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I whispered into his ear, my word a soft caress: "LEGAL"
twitchquotes:
Hᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏᴏʟs ʜᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅᴇᴅ, ʏᴇᴛ ʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴏᴛ sᴇᴇ ɪᴛ. I ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ʜɪᴍ ᴛᴏ sᴜᴄᴄᴇᴇᴅ sᴏ ʙᴀᴅʟʏ, ʜᴇ ᴡᴀs ɴᴇᴀʀʟʏ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ. Bᴜᴛ ʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ғɪɴɪsʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴊᴏʙ ʙʏ ʜɪᴍsᴇʟғ. Bᴀᴍʙᴏᴏᴢʟᴇᴅ ʙʏ ʜɪs ᴏᴡɴ ᴍɪɴᴅ. I ʜᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʟᴘ ʜɪᴍ, ᴛᴏ ᴇɴsᴜʀᴇ ʜɪs ᴠɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ. Sᴏ I ᴡʜɪsᴘᴇʀᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʜɪs ᴇᴀʀ, ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴀ sᴏғᴛ ᴄᴀʀᴇss: "LEGAL".
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Kripp
I put sushi in my husband’s butthole while he was asleep
He was sleeping soundly naked, and I was eating leftover sushi. I couldn't help myself. I spread open his cheeks ever so softly, and tucked a slice of Philly roll right next to his puckered asshole. He did not wake up. When he awoke several hours later, he thought he had shit himself. I managed to video him discovering it was in his asshole, and I cannot stop watching him dig salmon, cream cheese, and rice out of his butthole. I also cannot stop laughing. I needed to tell someone.
The Godfather
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⡀⢀⠄⡀⢀⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⠄⡀⢀⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠁⠈⠄⠂⠄⡀⠄⠄⡀⢀⠄⢀⠄⢀⠄⡀⠠⠄⠄⠂⠁⠈⡀⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⡀⠁⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⡀⠄⠄⠁⢀⢁⠄⡀⠠⠄⠁⡈⢀⠈⢀⠠⠄⢀⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠂⠄⡠⣲⢧⣳⡳⡯⣟⣼⢽⣺⣜⡵⣝⢜⢔⠔⡅⢂⠄⠄⠁⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠈⠄⢀⡇⡯⡺⢵⣳⢿⣻⣟⣿⣿⣽⢾⣝⢮⡳⣣⢣⠣⡃⢅⠂⠐⠈⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠐⢀⠇⡪⡸⡸⣝⣾⣻⣯⣿⣿⡿⣟⣿⡽⣗⡯⣞⢜⢌⠢⡡⢈⠈⠄⠁⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠈⠆⠕⢔⠡⣓⣕⢷⣻⣽⣝⢷⣻⣻⣝⢯⢿⠹⠸⡑⡅⠕⠠⠠⠄⠅⠄⠂⠄⠂⠈⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠡⡑⢍⠌⡊⢢⢢⢱⠼⣺⢿⢝⠮⢪⣪⡺⣘⡜⣑⢤⢐⠅⠡⢂⠡⠐⡀⢀⠠⠐⠄⠐⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⢈⢀⠡⠨⡢⡑⡌⡔⡮⡷⣭⢧⣳⠭⣪⣲⣼⣾⣟⣻⣽⣺⣸⣜⢌⢆⢌⠐⠄⡀⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠌⡢⡵⠺⠞⠟⠛⠯⠟⠟⠝⡫⢗⠟⠝⠙⠉⠊⠑⠉⠉⠉⠑⢒⠠⠁⠄⡀⠠⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠐⡀⠄⠄⠅⡪⠄⠂⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⢕⢔⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠠⠐⠈⢀⠄⠠⠄⡁⠄⡀⠂⠠⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⠂⡑⠄⠄⠠⠐⠄⠁⠄⠁⠄⠄⢸⣿⣿⡂⠄⠄⢀⠄⡀⠄⠂⠠⠐⠄⡐⡀⠂⢀⠐⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⢐⠄⠂⢕⢅⢄⠄⣀⡀⢄⠄⠁⣀⣔⡵⣿⣯⠧⡣⣢⡠⢀⢀⡠⠐⢀⢐⠠⢀⠐⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⡔⢀⠘⢽⣻⣶⣥⣉⠥⡣⣱⣷⠻⣪⣻⣷⡣⡣⢫⣞⣗⡦⡵⢻⠺⡸⠐⡀⠐⠄⠂⡀⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠘⡀⠔⢀⠑⠍⠍⡽⣽⣿⣻⠂⡷⣯⡿⣟⡿⠌⡆⠘⣾⣻⢵⢕⠔⢀⠁⠠⠈⡀⠁⠄⡀⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠠⠄⠄⡐⢰⢈⢄⠱⢽⣺⢳⠁⣈⠄⠄⠈⠊⠈⠄⠄⢡⣐⢫⢯⡢⢊⢄⢪⠨⠠⠄⡀⠁⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠂⠠⠱⣕⡣⡇⡏⢮⢕⣸⣾⠠⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠌⢟⣜⡵⣯⢷⡴⡅⠅⡂⠠⠄⢈⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠁⢀⠈⠌⡪⢝⢾⣝⣎⠒⠏⠙⠠⠑⠁⠆⠒⠐⠐⠉⢀⠑⣍⡿⣽⡽⡂⠕⠄⠄⠂⢀⠠⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⡈⠄⢀⠄⠊⠍⢯⣷⣏⢊⢀⣈⣠⣤⣤⣤⣴⣶⢶⣴⢤⢬⣌⢻⡺⡻⠈⠄⠂⠄⠂⡀⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⢀⠐⠄⠄⠂⠡⠑⠕⠅⡕⡽⡑⡁⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⠁⠁⠠⢊⠊⠢⠈⠄⠨⠄⠄⠁⠐⢀⠈⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠈⢀⠄⠄⠈⡀⢂⠐⠄⠂⠁⠠⠁⡢⡪⣢⣲⣦⣖⡔⡤⡨⡐⢄⠌⠠⠈⠐⠄⠂⠠⠁⢈⠠⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢂⠄⠢⠂⠈⡀⠈⡀⠈⠰⠹⡨⠑⡑⠕⠕⠊⠌⠌⠄⠐⠄⠂⠁⢈⠄⡁⠐⠄⡐⢀⠂⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⡐⢄⠑⠄⠄⡇⡁⠄⠄⠄⠄⡈⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠠⠄⠂⢀⠐⠄⡈⠠⠈⠄⠄⠠⠐⠄⠁⠠⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⡀⢊⠨⢀⢊⠄⠨⡂⡂⠄⠂⠄⢀⠄⠠⠄⠂⠄⠄⡀⠠⠄⠄⠄⠐⠄⠄⡀⠁⡀⠂⠄⠂⠁⠨⠄⠅⠄
⠄⠄⠐⠄⢂⠢⡀⠄⠬⠄⠂⠅⡀⠈⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⡀⠂⠄⠂⠄⢀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠂⢈⠐⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠈⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠅⠅⠐⠄⠄⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠁⠄⠄⠄⠂⢐⠄⠐⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠕⠈⡂⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠄⠄⠂⠄
i peed white
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i peed white 
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happE
⡿⡿⠟⠓⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣷⣶⣾⣿⣷⣶⣤⣬⣟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣟⣱⡿⠿⠿⠿⣮⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣏⢿⣿⡿⢁⢀⣀⣀⣀⣬⣉⣙⠋⠛⠿⢿⣿
⣟⣛⣡⣤⣤⣁⣀⣄⣉⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⡿⠻⠛⠭⠿⡿⠯⣭⣟⡻⢿⣶⣦⣀⢙
⣿⣿⣿⣯⣝⣛⣛⣛⣭⣾⣿⣿⣿⢇⣨⢶⣿⣶⡾⢶⣶⡶⢤⣤⣤⣀⠟⢉⣛⣓
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣿⠿⠻⠿⢿⣿⣷⣶⣮⣭⣭⣭⣴⣾⡻⣮⣵
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢋⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⡿⠿⠿⣆⣉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣽⣿
⣿⣿⣿⠟⢁⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⢋⣀⣒⣀⣐⣫⡍⠛⠿⠪⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⢏⠀⣿⣏⣠⣽⣍⣍⣡⣾⣿⣿⣟⣋⣋⣓⣓⣼⣥⣤⡈⠻⣿⣿⣿⡏⣿⣿
⣿⣿⡌⢦⢻⣮⡁⣼⣿⢭⣭⣉⣭⣭⣭⣉⣭⢛⡉⣛⢛⡛⠛⣠⡌⣿⣿⣧⣿⣿
⣙⢿⣿⡜⣿⣿⣷⡹⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠿⠛⠿⠻⠿⠿⠿⢃⣴⣿⢣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⡜⣿⣿⡗⠦⣀⣀⢀⠐⠒⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠀⣠⣾⣿⢏⣾⢏⢽⣻⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⠈⠙⣾⣏⢧⣼⣿⣟⣛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣼⡋⠿⣾⣿⣿⣾
⢿⣿⣿⠐⠄⠺⣿⣾⢟⣻⣿⣿⣛⡿⠿⢿⣾⣟⣭⡾⣿⣿⣿⡟⣿⣾⡻⣿⠿⠛
⠀⡹⣿⡆⠈⣠⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣬⡛⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣹⢖⠝⠁⡳⣾⣾
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