[Copypasta] you will never be on my intellectual level

twitchquotes: listen until you guys have read fichte, kant, schelling, hegel, goethe, novalis and hamann in the original german, you will never be on my intellectual level, you are plebs who are addicted to reddit and think rick and morty is a deep show, your children will be dysgenic losers and mine will be serious winners and well-educated, they'll probably smack the glasses off your children for fun and then go read homer in the original greek.
twitch chat
August 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

First time I got smash 4 and tried it

twitchquotes: First time I got smash 4 and tried it, after having played Fox-only on Final Destination for years in Melee, I was so disappointed. I couldn't Doowop an Skippity Uppity Airslap into a Wavedashed Cockdump Sparklenut. You aren't even allowed to Spitshine a ledge canceled Dickknob after twirlywhirly dibbidybobbidyboo 2: Electric Boogaloo. Fucking inexcusable. I really hope Sakurai dies so the series can see its full potential.
twitch chat
November 2018

Super Smash Bros

Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon

twitchquotes: Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out.This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere.I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
twitch chat
April 2019

My SUSSY POWERS ARE AWAKENING

My SUSSY POWERS ARE AWAKENING ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜Ž Part 1. I just did my daily jackoff โ˜บ๏ธ to my impostor body pillow, ๐Ÿ˜ฑ but when I came, ๐Ÿ‘ป I started floating, ๐Ÿ˜ฑ and think I got teleported into the skeld. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ I swear for a second I felt the imposter's strong hands grip my asscheeks.๐Ÿคค ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ‘ I immediately was transported back to earth, ๐Ÿ˜ญ and I instantly got on all fours on my bed naked, ๐Ÿคช as you would, and started screaming in my best efforts to summon the imposter ๐Ÿ’ช โ€œIM READY FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME PLEASE DADDY IMPOSTERโ€ I was so close to feeling the imposters sweet cock fuck the shit out of me ๐Ÿคค but then my NAZI RACIST mother came in and beat the shit out of me. ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ™โ˜น๏ธ She then said I was going to a magical place called the โ€œmental asylumโ€ ๐Ÿค” Iโ€™m not too sure where that dimension is located but it sounds EPIC ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
April 2022

Among Us / Amogus

You know what's worse than Ajit Pai?

twitchquotes: You know what's worse than Ajit Pai? To access the punchline to this joke, you must purchase the Punchline Package for $14.99
twitch chat
December 2017

Net Neutrality

Dear Kripp, I am a salt manufacturer from Chile

twitchquotes: Dear Kripp, I am a salt manufacturer from Chile and I would like to sponsor you and your channel. If this deal goes through you can make a lot of salt from our overflowing salt mines. From what I hear, salt is a hot commodity nowadays. Forever yours, Felipe Gomez
twitch chat
November 2014
Kripp
Text-to-Speech Playing