[Copypasta] That hunk of a man is an E-sports athlete?

twitchquotes: That hunk of a man, [insert Cyber sportsman here], is an E-sports athlete? Unbelievable. Kreygasm He could be a Calvin Klein model. Kreygasm Or a pro footballer with a ripped physique like that. Kreygasm That is by far the hottest Cyber sportsman to ever grace the esports industry. Kreygasm
twitch chat
October 2020
I used to be a real ad
More Copypastas

AITA For banning my sister from my wedding since she won't follow the dress code?

Hello Reddit UWU my name is fox chan nya~ 🦊 and this September I'm getting married (wiggles tail in excitement) 😍🐈🇷🇺 I'm getting married next week to my alpha horse wolf Shadow Senpai 🐴🐺🥰. The dress code is animal themed but my sister won't do it. She's Vagen😳 and thinks it's bad (cries cutely while Mozart's Symphony No. 40 in G minor plays)🎶🎼♫🎤 (eyes turn red like demon, but not like demon) I want to not invite her 😡😤🤬😈 AITA?
September 2021

Am I The Asshole?

DL aka “Dropped Liability” is an ex-ADC player for TL

twitchquotes: DL aka “Dropped Liability” is an ex-ADC player for TL that is often ridiculed for his inability to use the summoner spell Flash. He is specifically known for his “Everyone is trash” mindset, which he only recently realized applied mostly to himself.
twitch chat
March 2020
Doublelift

League of Legends

Slap Chop commercial script

Now that I have your attention let me show you this handy new kitchen tool, the Slap Chop! You’re going to be in a great mood all day, because you’re going be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. Now, look here’s a potato. One slap you got big chunks for stew, two slaps home fries in a second. And, look at this when you add a mushroom: the more you do it, the finer it gets you don’t have to switch any blades. Now, you love salad -- you hate making it. You know you hate making salads -- that’s why you don’t have any salad in your diet. Watch this one slap... salad! I love Pizza too, but once in a while get the veggies in, at least throw it on top of the pizza. You’re going to change your eating habits. Soup, Coleslaw, stuff we want, 5 seconds. 4 or 5 seconds, it's done. This thing, this tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Add this tuna putting it in like this now you’re going to have a nice, tuna, salad. Look at this you’re going to have an exciting life now. Look here’s a hard boiled egg. One chop, you add the pickle; you add the green onion. And what you can do is mix things together add the ham and you’re going to love this. You don’t have time to make breakfast, breakfast to go. You’re going to love my nuts. Watch this: almonds, walnuts. Comes with a cover so you can do everything in the cover. Alright, or you can do it on the board, whatever you like. So easy, one finger, if I can do it with one finger you guys can do it with your whole hand. Kids can do it. You know what they charge at the ice cream store? A dollar for toppings at the ice cream store. Add a couple cookies if you want. So, you can make it for 10 cents. Stop throwing your money away. You know not only nuts what about fruit? Put a mango, look at that isn’t that beautiful on your ice cream.
December 2020

Can a nigga borrow a fry?

He says it every morning. He calls me nigga, he calls the other kids nigga, he calls himself nigga. All the time. Nigga this, nigga that, nigga PLEASE. Bitch nigga. Nigga have you lost your mind? Nigga check that ho. Nigga, you bullshittin. Break yourself, nigga. He says it so much I don't even notice it anymore. Last week in lunch Riley says to a classmate, "Can a nigga borrow a French fry?" My first thought wasn't "Oh my God he said the word, t-the n-word!" It was "How is a nigga gonna borrow a fry?, nigga, is you gonna give it back?"
January 2021

Plants Vs Zombies Review

This game much bad! My son saw this game and told me,"daddy this game i much want, buy for me please." So I buy it for him. But little later, he come to me and say, "daddy this game much scary." I look at it and it say "Zombies eat your brains!!!" And to me was shock. How can this game be for kids? This game has plants, violins and zombies eat your vegetables! Zombies eat no vegetable, my son eat vegetable! Now my son is in hospital and taking pills for his shock. Thanking you for nothing EA games. I rate this gate 16 and over! You have being warninged!
April 2022
Text-to-Speech Playing