[Copypasta] That hunk of a man is an E-sports athlete?

twitchquotes: That hunk of a man, [insert Cyber sportsman here], is an E-sports athlete? Unbelievable. Kreygasm He could be a Calvin Klein model. Kreygasm Or a pro footballer with a ripped physique like that. Kreygasm That is by far the hottest Cyber sportsman to ever grace the esports industry. Kreygasm
twitch chat
October 2020
(▀̿Ĺ̯├┬┴┬┴ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Am I racist? (serious)

Hello r/blacklivesmatter. I have a question. So before I explain what happened, lemme just say this. I’m white (oppressor) and I’m very bad because I’m white. I recently was texting my friend (also oppressor) and was using some emojis to convey what I was saying. I generally use the default skin toned emojis which are a bright yellow color. One day though, my finger slipped and I accidentally used one of the darker skin toned 🖐 emoji. After realizing the horrible act of racism I’d just committed, I immediately deleted the reply as it had been rooted in racism and there’s no excuse for that. I then profusely apologized over Instagram messages to all of my accomplices, friends and acquaintances of color. A majority of them had responses that said that what happened was completely fine but I realized their opinion was probably white washed because of me (oppressor) and other white people (domestic terrorists/oppressors). So now I ask, am I racist because of this?
August 2021

I can't go to Yemen, I'm an analyst!

twitchquotes: DansGame "I can't go to Yemen, I'm an analyst!" KevinTurtle "Get on the plane." 🎶🎵I'm only human after all don't put. your blame on me🎵🎶
twitch chat
September 2018

The year is 2043 Covid variant phi beta epsilon is ravaging 0.0026% of the population

The year is 2043 Covid variant phi beta epsilon is ravaging 0.0026% of the population, you go outside for your government mandated 30 minute exercise, it's 1 a.m. not the best time, but they alternate your schedule so eventually everyone does get some sunlight. You quadruple mask and put on your plastic helmet. You gaze longingly at the sky. A man riding his bicycle points his flashlight at you "Why aren't you doing your stretches and cardio?" He asks, you recognize him as your neighbor (maybe, it's been some time since you last saw anyone). "It's because of people like you not obeying that the lockdowns have been extended another 4 years." He mumbles through his layers of masks. He reports you to AlphabetGoogle and your social credit score drops 5 points, good luck buying bread this week.
August 2021

COVID

Coronavirus

Shane Dawson tweet - i didnt fuck my cat

i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. (1/?)
March 2019

Classic

Unrealized losses

She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. “What?” you ask absentmindedly. You’re looking at Futures, and you’re surprised to see them red. “I want you to play with me.” She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isn’t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, “I want to do that more.” But you’ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. “Uh huh,” you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you don’t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you don’t say a word because you don’t notice. She hasn’t left you yet, but she will soon. Unrealized losses.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

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