[Copypasta] Unless someone will DM me some feet pics

twitchquotes: Dear strimmer, I was thinking a lot lately about my life and my recent activity on twitch. thing is only thing that keep me in life at the moment are cute young female skimpy dressed streamers. Just wanted to tell that this is one of my last days on this already overpopulated planet. Unless someone will DM me some feet pics, those could keep me alive for a while Kappa
twitch chat
November 2020
(ā–€ĢæĹĢÆā”œā”¬ā”“ā”¬ā”“ Psst... kid, you wanna disable adblock?
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Donald Trump answers what is 2+2?

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2? "I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s. Its terrible. Its just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I'll tell you. First of all the number 2, by the way I love the number 2. It's probably my favorite number, no it is my favorite number. You know what, it's probably more like the number two but with a lot of zeros behind it. A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of zeros. Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a zero that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy but he's like, "10101000101", on and on, like that. He's like a computer! You know what I mean? He's like a computer. I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these numbers and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of operations than me. You wouldn't believe it. That I can tell you. So, we're gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me. OK? Alright. Thank you."
October 2016

Donald Trump

I sexually identify as a Minecraft creeper

twitchquotes: I sexually identify as a Minecraft creeper. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of stalking people in the dead of the night, making an erotic hissing noise, and then spewing my particles all over them. People say to me that a person being a monster in a dying Swedish pixel game is impossible and Iā€™m more autistic than a Fortnite default, but I donā€™t care, Iā€™m beautiful. Iā€™m having a doctor fill me with gunpowder and implementing green and black pigments into my skin. From now on I want you guys to call me "Creepus Explodusā€ and respect my right to appear on retarded children's backpacks and sweaters. If you canā€™t accept me youā€™re a mob-phobe and need to check your entity privilege. Thank you all for being so understanding.
twitch chat
March 2019

I sexually Identify as

Chat would benefit from watching you play Xayah or Varus

twitchquotes: Hey Sneaky, I think chat would benefit from watching you play Xayah or Varus. We're all sex starved weebs and when you play Xayah and Varus we get to see you get your shit pushed in
twitch chat
March 2018
Sneaky

League of Legends

My boyfriend doesnt know (from r/trueoffmychest)

At the beginning of this month, my boyfriend received an email from his brother with the subject "Dude check this out" and a Google Doc called "!!NEW RAP!!". When my boyfriend opened it, all that was on the doc was a picture of Nikocado Avocadoā€™s asshole. When my boyfriend texted his brother about receiving his email, he replied "what email?". Theyā€™ve been going back and forth since about the email, my boyfriendā€™s brother saying he never sent an email and my boyfriend thinking heā€™s keeping up the act. What my boyfriend doesnā€™t know is I sent the email. I made an almost identical looking email, one letter off, and even managed to find the exact email profile picture from his brotherā€™s LinkedIn. Now it kills me every time I see them go at it. Iā€™m literally pissing myself as I write this.
May 2022

Reddit

RIP Joe the Spider

I know this is really stupid but Iā€™m sad about it. Yesterday I had a friend come over. Iā€™m a girl who lives alone so I guess some ā€œdudeā€ stuff hasnā€™t been done around the house. Context: I have a spider named joe. Heā€™s a dandy long leg. Heā€™s been my friend in the bathroom for months and had recently made his way down to closer by me by the tub instead of on the ceiling. I like to think I gained his trust. Well my friend goes into the bathroom and comes out said ā€œyouā€™re welcomeā€. Iā€™m super confused. So I ask ā€œfor what?ā€ He says ā€œI just killed a big ass spider for youā€. I couldnā€™t even contain myself. I just yelled ā€œYOU KILLED JOE?!ā€ And started tearing up. I didnā€™t tell him to leave Joe alone it never occurred to me. JOE TRUSTED ME. Joe had been in my bathroom since he was super tiny and he grew to be such a big boy. My friend was distraught. Heā€™s a Pisces, so he immediately felt my deep sorrow for Joe. He apologized and swore to never squish any more spiders at my house. I think Joe was biologically female because there is a baby Joe. Baby Joe is on my ceiling but idk if I can gain Baby Joeā€™s trust after they witnessed the murder of their parental figure. RIP Joe I miss you so much. Getting ready in the morning will never be the same.
May 2022
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