[Copypasta] Is that insider trading?

If you're a passenger on a newly recertified 737MAX and it starts to nosedive into the sea so you buy shitloads of BA puts over WiFi before impact, is that insider trading?
December 2020

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/k5vaj4/daily_discussion_thread_for_december_03_2020/gei7x4g
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Christmas for a wsb trader

As the tree blinks from white to red to green, you look at the void under the tree that previously held presents. Fewer this year than usual, but some. How did you get here? Boredom? In March, you felt trapped with your wife and infant. You needed something to pass the time. Something you could throw yourself into fully. ā€œAre you coming to bed?ā€ your wife yells down the stairs. It seemed harmless at first, but as the pandemic drew on, so did your investment. Youā€™ll stop soon, though. ā€œSoon!ā€ you reply, and you hear her feet climb the steps. The lights start to blink chaotically. You cringe because you could only afford the junk strands at CVS. Suddenly they haltā€”the alternation feature brokenā€”on red. The red fills the room and covers your flesh. You look down at your hands, and they look like theyā€™re bleeding. Like your calls. After a timeā€”hours?ā€”you realize youā€™re sitting in complete darkness. Your lights have expired, worthless.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Investing in gourd futures

Due to local fluctuations in the tropopause, the jet stream has been shifting rapidly in a counterclockwise vector, causing a rapid disincorporation of the Hadley vortex cells in the lower ionosphere. Because of this, the geostrophic solar wind balance has deteriorated rapidly in the northern hemisphere. In essence, autumnal weather patterns in the western United States will lead to the biggest ornamental gourd yield in recorded history. Investing in gourd agricultural futures could likely produce up to $1600 per day in passive income. However, investing at the apex of the curve would be the most conducive to profit as the arbitrage (particularly 12b-1 fees) will develop at a market share higher than the back-end load. Basically, no one will be able to buy the stock at a higher price than you, and all value invested will be retained. A preliminary market penetration investment of $50,000 would be most efficient in generating this revenue.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

Drunk at Applebees

I donā€™t care if thereā€™s a microchip in the vaccine. Iā€™d let them put a whole MacBook Pro inside of me if it meant I could get drunk at Applebees again
December 2020

WallStreetBets

My wife told me to talk dirty to her

So the wife and I were getting into it and she told me to talk dirty to her. So I called her a filthy slut. She said ā€œdirtier!ā€ So I smacked her around and told her I was going to use her like the cheap whore she is. She said ā€œdirtier!ā€ So I said ā€œIā€™m gonna stick some SQQQ in your portfolio. Iā€™m gonna put it in long and deep. Iā€™m gonna fill you up with way OTM SPY puts.ā€ She then slapped me, packed a bag and took the kids. I think weā€™re getting a divorce.
April 2021

WallStreetBets

Fuck you all, Iā€™m never listening to this sub again.

Yesterday I said weā€™d see a rally like weā€™ve never seen before I was ridiculed and the market went down this morning so I accepted defeat and sold my nvda calls and got tesla puts. My account is down bad right now. I also hedged with a tesla call so hopefully Iā€™ll make something. Somehow oil also tanked. Fuck you all. Iā€™m only listening to myself now. Youā€™re all retarded and so am I for listening to you. Edit: not sure why some of you degens think Iā€™m blaming you. Of course itā€™s my fault. This is a shitpost update. Stop taking it so seriously you retards See you tomorrow
March 2022

WallStreetBets

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