[Copypasta] Is that insider trading?

If you're a passenger on a newly recertified 737MAX and it starts to nosedive into the sea so you buy shitloads of BA puts over WiFi before impact, is that insider trading?
December 2020

WallStreetBets

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/k5vaj4/daily_discussion_thread_for_december_03_2020/gei7x4g
I used to be a real ad
More WallStreetBets Copypastas

I need Tesla to go $3k eoy

Ran out of condoms and told my gf I'm a pull out king. Went in raw and found out I'm king of shit. She now preggo and I need Tesla to go $3,000 eoy.
January 2021

WallStreetBets

What the fuck did you just fucking say about OTM FDs

What the fuck did you just fucking say about OTM FDs, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated bottom of my class in the Special Needs Division of the Navy Seals, and I've been bag holding from pump n' dumps on WSB since 2012, AND I have over 300 confirmed margin calls. I am trained in the 'tism and I'm the top retard in the entire United States armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another normie retail investor. I will wipe out my portfolio with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about OTM FDs over the Internet? Think again, fuckface. As we speak I am contacting my wife's network of boyfriends across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your portfolio. Your fucking 401k is dead, kid. I can trade anywhere, anytime, and I can lose fat stacks over seven hundred ways, and that's just with TSLA FDs. Not only am I extensively trained in sniffing glue, but I have access to the entire crayon collection of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass boomer stocks off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit crayon diarrhea all over you, the likes of which would make even Jackson Pollock jealous, and you will drown in it. You're fucking done, kiddo.
September 2021

WallStreetBets

Navy Seal

Unrealized losses

She runs her hand through your thinning hair and laughs. โ€œWhat?โ€ you ask absentmindedly. Youโ€™re looking at Futures, and youโ€™re surprised to see them red. โ€œI want you to play with me.โ€ She says it playfully, but the single ounce of you that isnโ€™t totally aloof realizes she said this in earnest. And so you do. You throw your phone, and you pin her to the sofa, then the ground. You both roll about, wrestling, like lion cubs. Kissing, lightly biting. Sometime later, you both stop, breathing hard. She grabs an open bottle of red wine, and you pass it back and forth. Eventually she says, โ€œI want to do that more.โ€ But youโ€™ve already found your phone again to check Futures. Still red. โ€œUh huh,โ€ you say, distracted. She stares at you for a long moment, but you donโ€™t realize it. Silently, she gets up and goes to bed, and you donโ€™t say a word because you donโ€™t notice. She hasnโ€™t left you yet, but she will soon. Unrealized losses.
December 2020

WallStreetBets

Jim Cramer responds to GameStop apes on Twitter

But you know what? I miss the good people whom i used to interact before these pathetic parodies of human minds ascended from the gates of hell. Well, now that i know they are going broke and just care about Gamestop and pump and dump schemes I will end their tyranny. NOW
September 2021

WallStreetBets

WSB Choose your fighter

Choose your fighter Alex Magikarp ๐ŸŸ Elon TechnoCuckLord ๐Ÿค–+๐Ÿคด Jeff Divorcedzos ๐Ÿ’” Salmonella ๐Ÿ” Nutella ๐Ÿซ Bill "HELL Giga GUH is coming" Clownman ๐Ÿคก Chamath, "I'm abouta fuck shit up" Papaya ๐Ÿˆ Ryan Cocken your butthole ๐Ÿฅ’๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿฅ’ Z ๐Ÿฅ’ U ๐Ÿฅ’ C ๐Ÿฅ’ C ๐Ÿฅ’ Tim ๐ŸŽ Bottom ๐Ÿ…ฑ๏ธENIS Jack Ma MIA ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ Cathie "A prayer a day keeps the ๐Ÿปs' away" or "Jesus, take my buying power" Woods ๐Ÿ™โœ๏ธ
March 2021

WallStreetBets

More WallStreetBets Copypastas
Text-to-Speech Playing